Turning 17 is a massive milestone. This is the time many of us begin showing who we will be in our adult lives. Unfortunately, not all of us have the maturity or the intelligence to truly call ourselves adults yet, and if you comb through the Interwebs, you will find that this is often the case for us teenagers as we begin our first forays into modern adult life. It was a grueling process, but I have finally managed to successfully compile a list of 17 tidbits of knowledge that anyone who has reached this great age should be ashamed to not know.
1.This is the age at which you can be arrested and tried as an adult.
Yep, juvenile delinquents aren’t so juvenile anymore. Be careful when you drive now—it has far more legal ramifications.
2. The geography of our great nation.
It’s shocking how many kids don’t know where Delaware is, or that the capital of North Dakota is Bismarck and not Fargo, or that Cajuns in Louisiana speak French (albeit very differently than in France or Quebec).
3. “Dank memes” really have little to no comedic value.
Whether they be flat out offensive or just plain boring, in my years of Internet experience, few and far between are the memes that are “dank” and legitimately hilarious.
4. The Simpsons still is culturally relevant
I know, seasonal wear seems to be getting to them, but you can’t deny that every animated show you like—even SpongeBob SquarePants—ultimately derives from everyone’s favorite family.
5. Downton Abbey is not unmanly
This show contains one of the most tomboyish characters on television to date. Plus, it discusses legitimate British history and is chock-full of some of my biggest man crushes. Besides, many of its characters—even the female lead, some may say—are very masculine, and there are great scenes of war and hunting sprinkled throughout. That’s another article for another time…
6. The movie you’re wailing about as the “worst ever” is probably not as bad as it could be.
I’d go into more detail, but I’d get kicked off Odyssey. Let’s just say this was the only “good” picture I could find.
7. What’s all the hype for pop music these days?
Not enough teens listen to good music. I mean, I guarantee if every teenager in this country gave Nightwish and Within Temptation a listen, operatic metal (yes, that’s a thing) would be the new hip-hop. Older music is good too—especially stuff from the 1960s, ‘70s, and 80s (and it’s not just the Beatles, Bee Gees, and Michael Jackson either). There is so much good music out there that is not pop.
8. Disney Channel and Nick never have original ideas.
Guy and girl meet up and sing their way through boring, generic love numbers to ignore more pressing issues such as grades, sports, family, and other commitments. This is the pencil thin plotline of every live-action show/TV movie ever put out by those two networks.
9. It’s not all about you
I know I may be beating a dead horse here, and that this is something that I struggle with as well; nevertheless, this is perhaps the most important thing on this list. It is very easy for us to do what feels right and benefits us without doing what’s right for others. A quick way everyone can begin to change this is by going out of his or her way to make relationships with others. And, always remember: If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. It almost always works with interpersonal relationships.
10. Socialism is ineffective
I’m all for socialism, personally. There’s one tiny issue: nobody’s perfect. So how can we expect a classless society to function perfectly and fully in this lifetime?
11. There is a God
A single Odyssey article could never detail this argument or the many others that stem from it, but I promise, I will write more about this topic.
12. NBA clutch stats are baloney
I mean, come on. James Harden more “clutch” than LeBron James? Who’s being compared to Jordan right now? Oh, and what will we think of Westbrook when he has the exact same year next year? Is he still going to be the MVP?
13. LeBron James is better than anyone. Ever.
Michael Jordan may be 6 for 6 in the NBA Finals, but what about this block? And anyway, did Jordan suffer debilitating losses which shaped the trajectory of his career? Besides, by the end of LeBron’s career, it is very likely he will be the new NBA scoring champion at the end of his career.
14. Georgia Tech > Georgia
It appears as if virtually nobody in the state agrees. I recommend they see the above photograph. And it’s not just a matter of sports—we have the better school overall.
15. Bush did NOT do 9/11
Everyone also knows the bottom panel of the above meme is false. Why would a president instigate a war that still rages in every corner of our world and has ruined the Middle East?
16. Perfect squares through 289.
1, 4, 9, 16, 25, 36, 49, 64, 81, 100, 121, 144, 169, 196, 225, 256, 289… Even if you’re a humanities guy like me, good number sense is important because without it, there is simply no way to make sense of the world.
17. Don’t overcommit.
If you don’t feel great about doing something, or you don’t feel happy doing what you’re doing, feel free to quit. Your body and mind will thank you for years to come.
17-year-olds may not be the brightest or the most cultured, but hopefully, with this knowledge, their lives will be off to a better start than those of any other generation.
