First dates are filled with expectations, hope, awkwardness, eating quietly, racking your brain for anything to say, high pitch laughing, disappointment, and eventually you're at home (crying in the shower and swearing that you will never date again). That might be an oversimplification of a first date but it's more or less accurate. The key is to be aware of dating red flags early so that you can eventually learn the good from the bad. Because while both might end in ice-cream there is a difference between walking along the pier, holding hands and licking an ice-cream cone and you in your PJ's scarfing down a pint of Ben and Jerry's and wishing you could be as happy as Olivia Munn and Aaron Rodgers. To help avoid the ladder I have outlined the 16 red flags of dating for both women and men. If you find your date is doing one of these 16 things then my suggestion is to tie up your shoes and run because it's only going to go down hill from here.
1. If they are late
If you agree to meet at a certain place at a certain time then he or she should be there on time. Being "fashionably late" is terribly overrated and shows that that person is insecure enough to have to pretend that they had other plans.
2. If they try and overanalyze you the second they meet you
If they ask you very specific questions about religion, politics, or anything else right off the bat then they are trying to analyze you and figure you out if they are wasting their time with you. This will make you uncomfortable and have you feeling judged and nervous which is never helpful on a first date.
3. If they monopolize the conversation
If they talk only about themselves and how their cross fit training is going then the only reasonable course of action is to suggest that they prove their skills by running around the block. When they are out of sight (running around the first corner) quietly slip a twenty under your drink and walk out before they come back because let’s be honest you can do way better than that.
4. If they interrupt you
This seems like a no brainer but because of the nerves on first dates (and the determination to find something in common) many people do interrupt each other in a desperate attempt to sound interesting. It’s OK, it happens, but if they keep it up then it is probably something they do daily and a big red flag.
5. If they bring up their ex more than once and/or trash them
Talking about your ex relationships is OK. It shows that you are open about your past and interested in your future but on a first date it can be a bit much. It all depends on their dating history. Having a couple of long-term relationships shows that the person knows how to compromise and it can be a positive thing. If the person has only casually dated or has had a long string of relationships one after another then it's a huge red flag. If they trash their ex it's also a huge red flag; if they can say mean things about someone they were in a relationship with to someone they hardly know how do you think they will describe you?
6. If they automatically describe themselves as a "nice guy", "down to earth", or "Not like most girls"
On the first date you should not have to say these things, they should be apparent. Also if they have to say these things they are probably lies.
7. If they interrupt you (again) …..yes it happens this much
They could be talking about how they won the Nobel prize but if they interrupt you to do it it's a huge red flag. Interrupting shows that they think that talking about themselves is more important then learning about you and on a first date it should be equal parts listening and sharing. If you know about their job, hobbies, family, dog, and favorite show on Netflix before they even ask you how you like the appetizer don't bother setting up a second date.
8. If they order more then two drinks during dinner
It's fine to have a couple drinks at dinner and then choose to go to a bar and have a couple more but if your date is drinking heavily before the entrees arrive its a bad sign.
9. If they order shots at dinner
Granted this has only happened to me once but it DOES happen and it's an automatic red flag. It shows that they only care about having a good time and could care less about actually getting to know you.
10. If they play on their phones
I know it's hard when our generation thinks of our phones as extensions of our hands but it is so rude and shows that they really don't care about getting to know you.
11. If they bring up drugs or other illegal activities
duh.
12. If they don't tip or are rude to the wait staff
" If you want to see the true measure of a man, watch how he treats his inferiors, not his equals" -JK Rowling
This is not to say that wait staff are actually inferior (as someone who works in a restaurant I certainly don't think so) but when dinning out some people forget this and it's one of the worst things you can do on a first date. A good rule of thumb is to tip 20% on a date. So many people have worked in restaurants that the odds are that your date has and that they will know (and care) if you are a difficult customer.
13. If they hit on the wait staff
On the other side of the coin you don’t want your date to be checking out your waiter or waitress every time he/she comes to your table. Being friendly and polite are very positive signs but if they are checking out the waitress's butt as she walks away then it’s a problem.
14. If they make a big deal about the check
Pay it in full, split it evenly, or dine and dash.....wait NEVER do that... but however you pay if they make a big deal about paying for a meal it’s a HUGE red flag. Alligator arms, complaining about the bill to the waitress, or flashing a $100 dollar bill to pay a $25 tab are all huge mistakes….which yes have all happened to me.
15. If they make very dirty or sexual comments
Especially on the first date that is (to use the scientific term) super creepy. If it is obvious that they aren’t going to be cool with just a goodnight kiss then leave because you wouldn’t want to see a future with someone like that anyway.
16. Not being yourself
Yes it is corny but being yourself is a huge positive on dates. It shows that you are comfortable, relaxes the other person, and is the easiest way to find a real connection with someone. So if you love sports talk about sports, if you love Star Wars talk about Star Wars, if your love trigonometry talk about trigonometry…..wait maybe not trigonometry but anything else is pretty much fine.
Dating, especially first dates, can be tough. First impressions can be harsh but it’s always important to be yourself…or a slightly more polite version of yourself. But hey if you really want to order shots at dinner or trash your ex then do it, maybe you will find a kindred spirit in the person sitting across the table from you or maybe you’ll let your date know to not waste their time on you. I’d also like to thank all my first dates who made it on to this list. Thanks for dinner…or not (alligator arms) but a special thanks because without you I wouldn’t have my 16 red flags for first dates. Thanks for reading and happy dating!
