You walk into an elevator. If you’re anything like me, then you sigh in relief when you find out that you’re riding solo up to the 25th floor. However, sometimes you’re not so lucky. Sometimes you’re not alone. Sometimes, you have to cram yourself into the furthest corner of the elevator so as not to infringe on the personal space of the person who just joined you for 45 seconds of awkwardness.
When you’re forced into an eight foot by six foot rectangular box with a stranger for an extended period of time, things will get awkward.
So here you are, in an elevator, when a middle-aged woman comes in. She’s headed to floor 25. Here are 15 thoughts you have during this period of turtle-ness.
1. I wonder if this woman is going to strike up a conversation with me.
I don’t want to have to talk right now.
2. I wonder what this woman’s name is.
She looks like a Sharon. I dub thee Sharon, stranger.
3. Do I say hi? I’ll just smile.
A nice smile and nod will do.
4.That was a weird smile.
Why did I do that? Jeez.
5. I wonder if she thinks it’s as awkward in here as I feel it is.
I’m sorry, Sharon. I’m very awkward. I can’t help it.
6. If we got stuck in here, I wonder if we’d be friends.
Maybe we would find out that we have a ton in common. Maybe Sharon would tell me about her life story. Her kids, her first love -- she'd tell me about it all.
7. It’s getting really quiet. Should I bring up something about the weather?
It’s kind of humid. People love to talk about the weather.
8. It’s been too long in here to start a conversation now.
I don’t want my voice to ruin the now comforting sound of silence.
9. It smells kind of funky in here.
Sharon, was that you? I thought you were better than that.
10. Only on floor 15?
This elevator is way, way too slow.
11. But seriously, what if we did get stuck in here forever?
I wonder if we’d finally break this awkward silence.
12. Oh God, Sharon has a pretty bad visible panty line.
Those slacks are kind of, way too, tight. But I do appreciate the ensemble as a whole.
13. I hate the word "panty".
That, and moist. No and no.
14. It’s time to get out. Who gets out first?
I’ll leave first.
15. Do I say bye?
No. I can’t break the silence after the elevator ride is over. I’ll just walk away and pray that I don’t get stuck in an elevator with her ever again.
