This week, I saw on Odyssey article called "15 Things You Know To Be True When Your Sibling is 10 Years Younger" and I read it, hoping to relate. Unfortunately for me, this article was about being a college student in the year 2016 and having a much younger sibling. Not being a college student in the year 2016 and being the much younger sibling. For one, which side of that age gap you're on makes a significant difference. But it was hard, too, for me to feel like I was getting a sense of how my older siblings feel because, well, when my sister was in college (many a year ago, that old lady), her experience having a kid sister was way different. Not least because I couldn't FaceTime her, as siblings today might.
When I was born, my sisters were 12 and 13 years old, and my brother was eight. No, I was not an "accident" baby (so I've been told, at least), and no, they aren't half-siblings. I've had mixed feelings about our age gap for pretty much my entire life; they are all close together in age, and I'm this little caboose that can't keep up; or they have eight, 12, and 13 more years with mom and dad than I'll get (yeah that's right, this got dark); they get to go see my musician sister's concerts at 21+ venues while I'm at home studying pre-algebra with an enforced bedtime (in fact, to this day I have never seen my sister perform, despite the fact that she has two albums out and that she's gone on tour). While there are some unique difficulties to our family set-up, there are also some sweet bonuses (the great advice, the "vintage" hand-me-downs, that I get to rub my youth in their faces). I wouldn't change it for the world. Just a forewarning, this list may start out a bit sad. But it, like me, will come around.
1. Your childhood memories don't really include them.
What a downer, right? My oldest sister is 13 years older than me - the only memory I have of pre-college her is one time she took me to the bathroom at Nordstrom's (I was probably 3 or 4) and she noticed I was about to not use a toilet seat cover, and she yelled "That's how you get AIDS!" and pulled me away. She swears this never happened. I have a few more memories with my brother, who is only 8 years older. Like the time he asked me what 5 times 5 was, and I replied "10!" and he and his friends laughed at me. Also the time I made cookies for him and his girlfriend while they watched "Kill Bill" - this is a notable memory because I was then allowed to watch with them, and I was so excited I hardly noticed how age inappropriate the movie was.
2. Your life is a constant comparison.
Flat-chested, pimple-faced middle school me wasted no small amount of time and energy comparing myself to my 20-something sisters who were actual models (no really). It was a losing game. And still today, I often feel trapped by comparison - still woefully shackled to elements of childhood as they frolic in the wonders of adult freedom. *sigh*. It is not unusual for siblings to compare themselves (or be compared by outsiders) against each other, but it's an especially discouraging comparison when they've had an extra dozen years to prepare. They may even be better than you at "your thing" simply because they're older - I discovered in middle school that I wanted to be a writer, and I wrote short stories and poems all the time. But you know who was better at writing than me? Literally everyone else in my family, and they didn't even want to be writers. I was near inconsolable, and it remains a touchy subject even though I'm now a writing major in college.
3. The number of family photos that don't include you is apparently infinite.
No explanation required for this one - my siblings just got a huge head start, I guess. Same goes from memories and stories you just weren't there to be a part of.
4. So you're jealous. A lot.
Comparison quickly turns to jealousy and resentment and anger, and while it's not fun to admit, I would wager that just about every family has experienced these feelings to some extent for one reason or another, and you just work through them. When your siblings happen to be this much older, they just get to do more than you. Because they are adults - with jobs, and their own money, and real IDs that let them go to bars together. And you...you are a child. It helps to just accept the reality that you are in different stages of life. It also helps to remember that one day, they'll be jealous of the stage you're in, and it'll be your turn to laugh maniacally and live it up. Sure, that sister might have a bangin' body and you may be an awkward tween, but one day you'll be the smokin' hot one and she'll be old, and probably boring. (Just kidding! Maybe.)
5. All your childhood mistakes DO NOT get forgotten.
Anything embarrassing you did as a kid that they witnessed and were old enough to remember does not disappear into the past. Oh no, those stories are here to stay and they will haunt you forever. Like all the times you wore that dog body-suit and barked and growled at your sisters' boyfriends. Hypothetically, of course. If that had happened though, you would never live it down.
6. "When I was your age..." is basically on repeat.
What are they, old people!? I can't tell you how many times I have been told about how huge cell phones used to be. Or what life was like before internet. I think my siblings kind of enjoy being so much older - they seem to love saying things like "your generation" as if they were 80. One sister in particular has taken to saying things like, "My sister turned 18 years old today, which means I am a million years old." No, you're not. You're my age + 13, and you know what they say - "30 is the new 20." You're fine.
7. You're spoiled.
While the older kids could more readily fend for themselves, I was coddled a little longer; I will always be "the baby." Because I was the only kid at home from when I was 10 to when I went to college, I also got the "only child" experience a little bit. However, all this means, I fear, that I may never be seen as an adult (my siblings are still referred to, collectively, as "the big kids"). But if that means getting an allowance from my parents until I have my own kids, fine by me (oh and mom doing my laundry is a major perk).
(Just kidding I do my own laundry).
(Most of the time).
8. You experienced different fashion eras.
This is one of my favorites. We didn't make the same fashion mistakes because we simply didn't live through the same trends. I get to see these fabulously awful pictures of my siblings dressed totally different than my contemporaries would be dressing at the same ages. That being said, I too committed fashion crimes they never would have (gauchos, skirts over jeans - just me?). However, as you'll see in point #11, some of their more tried and true style moments get handed down to you and rebranded "vintage" (which I've learned is a backhanded compliment).
9. They are your idols.
For my birthday one year, I took a group of friends to watch my brother play volleyball. I think they had fun - a bunch of awkward tween girls watching cute high school boys do sport things. But I just remember being so proud of how cool my brother was! I would later decide that I was going to play volleyball, too, and I even picked his number for my jersey.
10. You basically got a few extra loving adults in your life, which every kid should have.
Some memories have stayed with me for reasons I may never understand. One such memory involves young me upstairs, trying to sleep as the family Christmas party goes past my bedtime. I am tired, my head hurts. I ask my mom for some Tylenol, but she's busy, and sends my older sister up instead. She sits with me as I cry and tries to get me to swallow the pill with a glass of water, but I can't make myself do it, and I spit up the water and now rather slimy pill into her hand. While I grew up with two loving, doting parents (already more than lots of kids get), I also had three more older figures looking after me - even if their love was sometimes disguised as teasing.
11. And you KNOW you got some sweet hand-me-downs.
My best clothes are from my sisters. And now that it's cool to wear 90s trends again, I'm kind of killing it wearing clothes that are actually from the 90s (...and 80s). Can you say acid wash corduroy bell bottoms? Because, yeah, I have those.
12. You get to re-meet one another as you get older.
The oldest sister went to college when I was just 5 years old, and my brother (closest in age to me) went to college when I was 10. I remember, just a few years ago, going out to dinner with one of my sisters - just the two of us! I was so nervous, you'd think it was a first date. She knew the kid version of me, but it had been awhile since our lives allowed us meet again now that we were both adults. And now we get to be friends in addition to siblings, and it's beautiful.
13. You'll be the young, cool aunt to their kids.
One of my sisters has two kids (ages 3 and 1.5), and it brings me great joy to imagine them as teens and me as the hip, relevant aunt. It also brings me great joy to be whatever kind of aunt they think I am right now (probably a smothering one); I get to tickle them and kiss watermelon juice off their faces and watch them sleeping on the baby monitor, and it's awesome.
14. You get the best advice.
My siblings are not so much older than me that we can't relate; they remember what I'm going through, but they have the distance to judge more wisely than I can in the moment. No matter what the issue, my siblings offer the most helpful, encouraging, realistic, often humorous, and honest advice. Sometimes, it really is what anyone else would tell me, but it helps to hear it from a trusted perspective and source.
15. You have the best role models.
My three siblings are pretty different from one another, and from me. They went different routes in life, pursued different passions, made different choices. But I am impressed by and proud of each one (literally, beaming - everyone knows not to get me started about my siblings because I will never shut up, and I will show them endless pictures). They are out there chasing their dreams, working hard, loving their families and their friends; they are also dealing with hardships and challenges, and I love getting to learn from how they handle those (often with a surprising amount of grace and resilience and patience).
So, all in all, it's like every other kind of family and like no other family, all at once. Though I used to believe I'd kinda gotten the raw end of the deal, I now believe the opposite: I got the best of both worlds. I have three amazing siblings (who are also my best friends), but I also got to have the experience of an only child - again, from the age of 10 until I went to college I was the only kid living at home. I won the jackpot of being spoiled as both the youngest child and the only child. And now, at Christmas, I get to be the "broke college student" giving lame gifts (usually bought with mom and dad's money still) while my siblings, with their real adult jobs, have no excuse - in fact, the shoes and bag I get the most compliments on were both Christmas gifts from the sibs, neither of which I would have splurged for on my own dime. So yeah, it's pretty sweet. Oh and also all that emotional, totally not-surfacey stuff. But mostly Christmas presents. That's the real take-away here.
