As someone who has struggled with mental illness for many years, I have personally found it beneficial to reflect on how far I've come in managing my depression as well as considering the positive impacts my experiences have had on my life.

I appreciate that I have the privilege to look back on the horrible place I was in and be proud of where I am now. Five years ago, I could not have said the same thing. It is because of this that I have decided to compile the things I have learned over these years.

For those who are currently in a horrible place, I encourage you to stay strong and take care of yourself, because although it’s easily said, I know for a fact that it is not easily done.

1. It's not your fault.

For someone already struggling to think of themselves in a positive way, this was one of the worst things I could have thought to myself. As someone battling depression, it was a reoccurring and realistic belief that I had ruined my family's lives with how much I had put them through despite it not being my fault. After learning more about my diagnosis, especially the biological aspect of it, I have grown to understand that just as a person with a broken leg can't help not being able to walk, a person with depression can't help not being able to feel emotions properly.

2. It's okay.

Today, I'm grateful for the help that I got and when I got it because if I hadn't, I would have never been able to experience the amazing, life-changing things I have learned from today. Even when it seems impossible, just know that you will be okay and that it can only get better.

3. It's not shameful.

Returning to school was incredibly difficult especially after missing such a long period of school without any indication of a visible sickness. I was horrified I would be flooded with labels of 'crazy' or 'unstable'. I didn't want people looking at me as if I had something to be ashamed for. Referring back to #1, why should I be ashamed of something I have no control over?

4. Trust your doctors.

If I hadn't been so hopeless that I overcame my skepticism of medication and therapy, I may not be here today. I am incredibly grateful for all of the doctors and therapists who helped me overcome the most difficult time in my life. With so many treatment options and stigmas that come with them, I'm thankful that I had educated professionals there to help me decide what treatment would work best for me.

5. You aren't as weak as you think you are.

In addition to feeling hopeless and alone, I felt incredibly vulnerable to any inconvenience that might send me back to the place I was. Even though I didn't realize it at the time, it was my own dedication to myself with the help of my treatment to get myself to a healthy state. Even though I was sure I would lose the battle with my mental illness, the fact that I graduated high school and am now in college says otherwise.

6. What works for him might not work for you.

As someone who has experienced and still experiences the effects of my illness, I found myself realizing that my experience alone doesn't make me a specialist in helping people similar to me. Even today, I need to remind myself that everyone is different and that they might not respond to the same thing the way I did.

7. People change.

At first, not everyone in my family was understanding of what I was going through. Some people told me to stop overreacting or to grow up. Even though it hurt me at the time, I used those opportunities to educate them on what being depressed actually means. Today, I have never felt more acceptance and love from my family because even though they may not be able to fully understand, I know that they have changed enough to treat me with love and support instead of criticism.

8. It's possible to 'grow out of it'.

I didn't realize this until recently, but being diagnosed does not mean it will follow you for the rest of your life. For some people, managing their mental illness will always be apart of their life. For others, situations change and so will their perspectives on life. New cognitions might ignite new ways to cope with the illness or might even allow it to diminish completely.

9. Some people will never be able to understand, and it's not always their fault.

Like I said, not everyone can fully understand what I went through. Even the people closest to me still ask questions on what it means to feel so horrible for such long periods of time. Philosophically, the only way someone can fully understand something is to experience it for themselves. However, I would never wish that on anyone and so I live my life just trying to respect the fact that most people will do their best to relate to me and that is enough.

10. You can love.

For a long time, even after my recovery, I questioned if I would be able to fully love someone considering I never felt like I could fully love myself. I didn't want my constant put-downs to myself interfere with the way someone else saw me as a potential partner. Currently, I have been in a relationship for two years (so far) with the love of my life. He accepts me for who I am and promises to take care of me even when I'm going through a depressive episode (and I have). Even though I know he loves me, I am constantly concerned about how he thinks about my love towards him. His response is that I know what it feels like to feel unloved and unwanted, and from that experience, I always make sure that the person I am with never feels that way.

11. Even when everyone's different, there are still people just like you.

Even among the people who are feeling a different kind of depression than what I felt, and even among the people who have tried treatments that differ from mine, I have met countless friends who explain their thoughts and feelings to me that remind me of myself. Even when you feel alone, it's important to know that you are not the only one thinking those thoughts or feeling that way.

12. It's okay to keep to yourself, and it's okay to talk openly about it.

The way my depression and mental illness has affected my life is significant. I am much more open and honest about most things in my life, including my personal experience with depression. For me, sharing and conversing about my experiences has been beneficial for me. I also know individuals who would rather keep to themselves about all aspects relating to their struggles. I don't judge those who keep to themselves because, again, everyone is different and that's okay.

13. You can choose how your experience defines you, or if it even does at all.

Similar to #12, each person has the right to decide how they let their experiences with depression or any other mental illness define them. For me, my experiences have led me to become the person I am today, so I am comfortable with attributing my depression to my development as a person. If you would rather move on from your hardships and never look back, you have every right to do so. Everyone is entitled to decide what they want to do with their experiences and no one is allowed to judge anyone for that.

14. Managing this is hard, but it's possible.

The time from diagnosis to recovery takes up a large part of my life. A lot of my responsibilities today involve taking care of myself and using the tools I've learned to ensure that I don't go back to where I used to be. It can be difficult and frustrating at times knowing that most other people don't have these responsibilities too, but I try my best to keep in mind the payoff I'm getting for managing my illness in a healthy way.

15. The future is unpredictable.

I touched on this before, but it is incredibly hard to stay hopeful for the future when you're in such a horrible place. One of the most difficult hurdles that I had to overcome before I could even begin treatment was realizing that I had something to live for. In the beginning, I didn't see any value in my life and I couldn't imagine myself doing anything successful. Without that motivation to even live to see the future, it was extremely hard for me to accept any kind of treatment to get better. It all just seemed so pointless if it would lead to a bland, unhappy future. Clearly, a lot has changed for me, and in the end, I am so grateful to be alive today. From the things that I have learned to the moments that I have experienced, I am glad that I can personally say that all of my hardwork and struggles have paid off.