You're from a very liberal college, you voted for Hillary, you totally thought she'd win because you know, she killed the debates, and was leading in the polls by a comfortable amount prior to the election. Then suddenly, rural areas decided to vote more than they usually do, and you realize that the America you once thought you lived in appears to all be a lie. To help convey your feelings right now, here's a list of things that you would much rather have as compared to a Trump Presidency.
1. Being hit by a meteor
Remember when that whole like "end of the world" thing was going to happen in 2012? Like can we get that now? There are so many asteroids in the planet like one of them needs to spare us.
2. Return of the Black Plague
Ok, like we all learned in grade school about this thing that can really be solved by just washing your hands or something. But like a disease that kills between 30% and 60% of the world's population? Please sign me up.
3. Getting attacked by wild chimps
4. Syphilis
Literally an STD that can cause blindness apparently? I'm totally down. Like I'm all for the public ridicule and shame and probably lack of sex partners.
5. Jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge
The view is apparently great. It's iconic, like who wouldn't want to go out in an iconic way? Plus it's like 746 feet tall so if you want to get off this earth ASAP what's a better way to go?
6. Going out with Chad from Biology
You know exactly who I'm talking about. That creepy guys who you always catch staring at you and probably picks his nose and somehow got your number and is constantly asking for nudes. He's the worst. But he's better than Trump.
7. Biting your pinkie finger off like a baby carrot
Apparently this is a thing??? Like supposedly your brain won't let you bite off your own but you can bite off others??? Idk, biting off your own would be a lot better.
8. Alien Takeover
Oh my god I know the government has been hiding this from us. I waiting for Trump to expose all of the secrets and to have the aliens be all like "well now we gotta destroy their planet."
9. The eternal burning in Hell
There's 9 layers and I will take every single one of them before Trump. Let's get real, I'm going there anyway, I might as well start early.
10. Entering the void
There's nothing worse than the absence of everything. Well, Trump is worse but like you get my point. I'd rather feel the constant emptiness in my soul than hear Trump say "Gina" when he's trying to say "China".
11. A sweating, panting, leather daddy
Yes, this is a Cards Against Humanity card, but like I'll take it. I'm imagining a really gross like 60 year old hitting on me, a 19 year old, and then dressing in some weird leather straps get up and like sweating all over me and panting like he's going to have a heart attack any minute. I'm uncomfortable writing that sentence. But it's still better than trump.
12. Electing the Zodiac Killer
Ted Cruz plz come save us.
13. Being burned at the stake like a Salem Witch
Coven was my favorite season of American Horror Story so at least I'd be like somewhat ok with it? I don't have supernatural powers, so that's a bummer. But let's get real, if I did have supernatural powers, Trump wouldn't be president in the first place.
14. A legitimate talking cheeto as our president
I'm imagining like a giant cheeto with creepy eyes and a mouth photoshopped onto it much like the annoying orange thing that was a huge internet meme in like 2011 (were memes a thing then?). I mean that's basically what we have when we elected Trump, the only difference is he's not a mediocre snack.
15. Alcohol
Not that I have EVER consumed any sort of alcoholic beverage EVER in my life.... But if I have it was multiple shots on both election night and the night afterwards and it made it like somewhat bearable (Drink responsibly).
