There are 365 days in the year, and more than the majority of those days consisted of my mind worrying about the future. Worrying and feeling nervous are of course natural phenomenons, but when their intensity and duration increases and begins to interfere with one's life, it becomes anxiety. I specifically have been diagnosed with having anxiety of social situations, also known as social anxiety or social phobia. According to WebMD, social anxiety (social phobia) is defined as "an anxiety disorder in which a person has an excessive and unreasonable fear of social situations. Anxiety (intense nervousness) and self-consciousness arise from a fear of being closely watched, judged, and criticized by others." The Anxiety And Depression Association Of America states that about 15 million Americans suffer from this disorder.

As human beings, we are social creatures. One cannot expect to get too far in life by avoiding social situations. Imagine having to face your most dreaded fear on a daily basis-- a fear that prevents you from doing what to others seems to be the most basic of things. Everyday you must mentally prepare yourself to go out into the world appearing calm on the outside while there is a war raging within you--a battle between good and evil with those negative or catastrophic thoughts trying their best to defeat those thoughts that are allowing you to go through with the situation before you. When people hear social anxiety, they think oh he or she is just afraid of public speaking, or some generalize it as having a fear of people. It's not the fear of people but more so a fear of embarrassing ourselves and diminishing what little confidence could be remaining. It is the fear of saying the wrong answer in class and your mind telling you that your peers now view you as a unintelligent person, or becoming too nervous during your speech and having to settle for that lower grade although you know you could have achieved higher if only your mind was fully focused on the task at hand, and not on the audience of potential critics in front of you.

It's having to mentally prepare yourself to make an important phone call so that you are able to get your point across within a fair amount of time. It's preferring to use the self checkout lane in the grocery store to avoid unnecessary conversation with other customers waiting in line. It's wanting to make friends but too afraid that they'll dislike you due to your fears of simple things such as asking a stranger for directions or walking into a crowded area alone. Having to venture to places alone is a terrifying task without the accompaniment of our security blankets such as a good friend or significant other; without them this journey is often avoided or taken with an intense sense of panic. For days, weeks, or months leading up to a big event, you'll also have anxious thoughts about a situation that will not even occur for quite awhile. And this is only half of what many of us go through.

For years I was told by those around me to "stop being so shy," as if I could simply wake up and take on this new transformation as a social butterfly. Not only was I surrounded around by people who labeled my disorder as merely being shy, but they expected me to just get over it--but as with any disorder or illness, it's not so easy. My goal in writing this piece was to educate those who think that this is something that we can "get over," that it is not; and to show those who too are dealing with this that they are not alone. You must surround yourself with supportive people and continue your fight, not just for yourself but for us all. Keep on fighting, soldier.