Truth be told, 2016 was kind of a hot mess. We had Olympic-sized liars, scandalous Skittles, and an election that left the whole country scratching their collective head. And even at times when we all swore the whole world would self-destruct from mass-hysteria, we made it to the greatest time of year; Christmas. As the holly-ist and jolliest time of year, it only seems fitting that we celebrate everything that makes this season clearly the most magical of them all. So, break out those ornaments you made Mom and Dad in preschool and start decking those halls, because here are 15 of the most tell-tale signs of the textbook Christmas addict:
1. Seeing Christmas commercials start to pop up on your TV like:
Catchy jingles, bright lights, and sales that make you want to drain your checking account fill the airways come mid-November. And you, as a Christmas fanatic, love every second of it.
2. Swapping your morning/nightly cup of Joe for hot cocoa because tis' the freakin' season:
Who needs the extra shot of caffeine in the morning when Christmastime is enough of a perk-up? Hot chocolate just puts the extra pep in your step while you're trudging through the snow to get to class.
3. Not being able to focus on class/work/important life responsibilities because Christmas is slowly creeping into your life:
Who has time to find derivatives or write a paper when the single-most wonderful time of year is upon us? While everyone else is trying to find the value of x, you've got reindeer and sugarplum fairies dancing in your brain.
4. Binge-watching Christmas movies.
If you don't have the 24-hour marathon of A Christmas Story playing continuously in your house on Christmas Day, you don't deserve to have a television. Enough said.
6. Dancing in every store/mall/ like:
One of the beauties of Christmas is the unspoken acceptability to dance just about anywhere you find yourself feeling merry and bright. Seriously, try it. At home, on the bus, at the grocery store, just maybe not in class. Some labels last a lifetime...
7. Running into those non-jolly people and not letting it dull your Christmas-topper shine:
Screw the Scrooges. You're all hopped-up on the magic of Christmas and they just don't get it. So, be a good little elf and focus on the people who actually care about the holiday season. There isn't enough eggnog in the world to win them all.
7. THIS.
8. Seeing the salvation army Santas outside of the local grocery store and basically giving them your life-savings
But really, WHY do they pick the cutest little old grandpas to sit outside the door to collect donations? Putting Santa hats on them and giving them little bells to jingle doesn't help either. I see your game, Salvation Army.
9. Dropping hints left and right because literally anyone could be your Secret Santa and you take that s#!+ seriously.
Seriously, anyone could have you. Do you know how much casual mentioning of your favorite brands that means? Secret Santa is your favorite sport, and the generic perfume/gloves and hats/gift cards is just one big slap in the face to you and your Christmas spirit.
10. Living off of candy canes and Christmas cookies as your primary source of nutrients in some sick personal challenge to only eat things that make you feel festive.
Rule of thumb this holiday: if it doesn't remind you of Christmas and isn't 95% high-fructose corn syrup, you're not eating it. That way, your outsides and your insides can feel the holiday spirit.
11. Red and green E V E R Y T H I N G.
Petition for it to be a criminal offense to wear any colors that aren't red or green after Thanksgiving starts right here.
12. Reminiscing about the good old (holi)days with these classics
Let's agree that no Christmas marathon was better than the Spongebob/Fairly Odd Parents/Rugrats Christmas extravaganza. Seeing our favorite childhood cartoons celebrate our favorite day of the year was the single-most incredible television event of the year, hands down.
13. Picking out the perfect tree because you aren't about that Charlie Brown Christmas Twig life.
You need the biggest and baddest tree to house all of your lights, garland, Kindergarten-crafting-hour ornaments, and mini candy canes. A tiny one will simply collapse under the weight of your Christmas excitement!
14. Pretending you like a gift someone gave you that "I saw and thought it was absolutely perfect for you"
We've all been there. How do you respond to such a lame and probably-regifted present without crushing the spirits of the person who was nice enough to think of you this holiday season? Smiling works, I guess.
15. And finally, spending December 26th (and subsequently every day until December 24th) absolutely miserable.
We should probably just result to naming the rest of the year "not Christmas Day" and "not Christmas Eve".
