We have only officially been in class for two weeks, although it feels more like three because of the hell that was orientation week. We are a long way off from being practicing lawyers, and as each day passes, it feels as though our overall goal is getting farther and farther away. Regardless, we remain resilient zombies, always keeping in mind that our peers are in the same circumstances. Our hive-mind tends to hum the same thoughts day in and day out:
1. I am a badass b*tch.
This tends to be the first thing we have to remind ourselves. Whether you are a male or female, clinging to the mantra of being a "badass b*tch" will help you get through the day. We pray that if we say it to ourselves enough, it will somehow become true. After all, we did make it this far, didn't we?
2. Who am I kidding? I'm so weak!
It takes about ten seconds after that "badass b*tch" pep talk to remember how lost you really are. When you're drowning in IRACs, memos and citations, sometimes you feel like you honestly have no idea what you are doing...like ever.
3. Coffee! What happened to my coffee?
Coffee is like gold to 1Ls. If there is a seminar before class that promises free coffee, chances are, we will show up with the biggest mug we can find to fuel up before facing our professor's cryptic questions for the next three hours.
4. Can I get away with margin briefs?
We are told that we shouldn't do it, but full-out case briefs take so much time and effort! You convince yourself that you will totally remember all of the necessary facts and issues of all twelves cases you were supposed to read. Yeah right.
5. Will I get Lexis Points for that?
No one takes the LexisNexis point system seriously until a quick browse through the rewards reveals all of the possibilities. I can do research while earning points towards an Amazon/Starbucks/Olive Garden gift card? Yes please!
6. Please don't call on me. Please.
The professor glances down at his/her seating chart, looking for a name that stands out. As you sit there, sweating, you pray that you aren't the one called on. The margin briefs were such a bad choice!
7. I'm still a badass b*tch.
So the professor called on you and you got the answer right? You've got to keep it cool on the surface, but on the inside, you're throwing yourself a party, complete with confetti and cake.
8. ONLY ONE GRADE FOR THE WHOLE SEMESTER?
You're reading the syllabus calmly until you come across the part that says, "Your final exam will be the only grade you receive in this class." Here comes the full-fledged panic attack.
9. I haven't slept in (insert absurd number here) hours!
Some of us wear it as a badge of honor, others throw pity parties. Regardless of how we handle it, every single 1L is sleep deprived.
10. I understood it when I was reading the casebook!
It made so much sense in my head! How did this professor just take everything I thought I knew and ruin it with one simple question? Insert: existential crisis.
11. What in the actual *explicative* is my professor trying to tell me/ask me?
I literally just cannot follow this. Am I horrible at communicating, or is (s)he? Seriously. I need to ask all of my lawyer friends what this concept is all about. Contracts can't be that hard, can it? Yes. Yes it can. Contracts is the devil.
12. I thought I liked reading...
The most asked question I received when I told people I was going to law school was, "Oh! Do you like reading?" Sure enough, I would always casually respond, "Well of course I do. My undergrad degree is in English!" Ha! Joke's on me! I apparently actually hate reading.
13. Why do all of these cases involve railroads and/or barges?
What did I learn my first year in law school? All of the different ways a barge can sink and all the ways railroads can cause general destruction.
14. What is...fun?
We forget what it's like to have friends. We forget what our family looks like. The only thing with which we are familiar is ALWD/Bluebook. What's a surefire way to piss us off? Flaunt all of your spare time on social media.
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