After every breakup, it's important to reflect on the relationship. The good things and the bad things are equally important. Looking back at the things that were great, as well as the things that didn't work so well helps me to improve my next relationship. I take the good things with me into my next relationship and I work on the things that I needed to improve from the last. There are traits that I want my partner to have, and then there are things that I NEED for my partner to have. They are things that I am not willing to sacrifice for anybody, no matter what.
Unlike most people my age, my idea of "relationship goals" isn't Kanye and Kim walking around holding hands. That's cute and all, but it's a picture. It's probably a staged picture, to be completely honest. My relationship goals are concepts and ideas. They are simple things, but they go such a long way. These 13 things are essentials in a successful relationship with me:
1. We need to be really honest with each other
They say that "honesty is the best policy," and that really applies to the wonderful world of relationships. It's best to be honest about everything from day one, and to build the relationship on a solid ground of honesty. The truth hurts sometimes, but in the end, it's always better to be honest with each other. Trusting each other is essential, because not trusting one another will lead to a life of problems. I will always be honest with you, no matter how hard that may be sometimes.
2. Money can't be everything
I'm a broke college kid. I'm the queen of letting my bank account drop to $5 or below. I also didn't have a lot of money growing up, but that's ok. I've always learned how to have fun doing things that don't cost any money. I've never been a superficial person, and I'm not into material things as a way to show my affection. I'm perfectly happy without money, and I want you to be comfortable with this. Sure, a fancy dinner date would be nice every once in a while, but I would never expect this. We will be financially stable, and anything beyond that is just a blessing. Money doesn't buy happiness. Money doesn't buy happiness. Money doesn't buy happiness. Did I mention that money doesn't buy happiness?
3. We spend most of our time together laughing
(Laughing with each other, or laughing at each other!) Either way, there's nothing better than laughing so hard with somebody to the point where it actually hurts. I need a you to have a killer sense of humor, and to know how to make me laugh and cheer me up when I need it. You also have to accept the fact that I will tease you and make fun of you all the time, but I welcome you to do it right back to me!
4. The texting thing...
I have my own life, and you have yours. I'm a busy person, and I'm sure you are too. I promise I'm not blatantly ignoring you if I don't text you back right away. It's just that sometimes, I realize that my phone is a huge distraction, so I hide it. I promise, I still love you. This goes back to the honesty/trust thing. Trust me when I tell you that I'm going somewhere, and just let me go and do my thing when I'm there. I will text you periodically, because I'll be thinking of you, but I also don't want to be rude to the person/people that I'm with. Also, sometimes I am just really bad at texting. Please don't ever read too far in to something that I say over text. It's better just to ask me if you're every unsure of how I intended for something to come across.
5. Respect my passion
No matter what you're passionate about, I will respect that. If it's something that I don't know much about, I will ask you a million questions about it, because I want to know about it. I might not enjoy it nearly as much as you do, but I promise I will try. In return, I ask that you do the same for me. I promise to go to events with you, and watch videos with you, so I would love it if you did the same for me. You don't have to love it, you don't even have to understand it, but at least fake it and try.
6. Let me have alone time
Being single has been great because I've had time to get in touch with myself, and really figure out who I am. I really enjoy alone time. And I will never not enjoy alone time. I will spend a lot of time with you, but every now and then, I need to do something by myself. Spending too much time with each other, especially early on in a relationship, is not healthy. It doesn't have to be anything crazy; I'm asking for a walk/run by myself, or a trip to the grocery store alone. It doesn't seem like much, but it really does make a world of difference, and it will definitely help me maintain my sanity, which you should want.
7. Tough love is good love
8. Support me through my mental health problems
Being with somebody who struggles with anxiety or depression is hard, and dealing with somebody with both is even harder. I wish that things were different, and I wish that I wasn't affected by these mental health conditions, but I can't help it. I'm good most days. Most days you wouldn't even know that I had both of these, but some days are just terrible. Some days, I will shut you out. I will shut the entire world out. I will cry. I will have a panic attack. It's really horrible. I will never let it ruin our relationship, but you can't take anything that I do on my bad days personally. I never mean what I say, and I don't want you to take it to heart. It's not your fault that I'm depressed or anxious; it's a chemical thing that's out of my control. Just remember that.
9. Keep the Family Close
Remember, my family has been around a lot longer than you. My family is the most important thing in my life. They are my number one priority, and I will always treat them that way. I will never blow my family off to hang out with you. That being said, I want for you to love my family, and I want my family to love you. Realize something big: I would never bring somebody around my family who I didn't think my family would like. My family has high standards for me, and I want to make them proud. If you meet my family, I trust you with my family. I want you to really try though. It would mean the world to me if we took my cousins to the park together, or if you went to dinner with me and my siblings, or if you helped my grandpa out with guy stuff.
10. Be down to stay in together
11. We need a thing
It doesn't really matter what the "thing" is. It could be a series that we watch together on Netflix, or a sport that we follow together, or a hobby that we start together, but we need something interesting to keep us entertained as a couple. The key is "as a couple." If it's a Netflix series, then we have to watch it TOGETHER, as in don't you dare watch ahead whenever I'm not home! OR ELSE. Whatever it may be, it will be something fun for us to do, and it's something that makes us unique from other couples.
12. Keep trying to win me, even after you win me
What do I mean by this? When couples first start dating, they're on their best behavior. They flirt with each other. They send each other cute texts periodically. They surprise each other. They have cute routines together. This is known as the "honeymoon phase," and as we all know, the honeymoon phase ends for most. I don't want the romance to die. No matter how long we're together, you can guarantee that I'll still be making you breakfast in bed, and bringing you lunch at work, or sneaking up from behind you and giving you kisses. Let's be cute forever.
13. Be each other's biggest cheerleaders
And if I haven't scared you off yet...
