Men tend to be pretty direct with their significant others. If a guy doesn't want to talk to you, he's going to tell you he needs time and space. Women are typically the opposite. I'm not trying to generalize, but ladies, let's be honest, most of us expect guys to know exactly what we're thinking, even if we're saying something completely different.
I'm not going to claim the following translations are true for all women, but I'd be willing to bet they apply to most.
1. "I don't care."
When the comment is made in reference to making a decision, normally we do care, we just don't want to be the one to make the decision. But subconsciously we already know what we want and just wanna seem chill. This is one of those things you'll just have to figure out.
2. "Okay, OK and K. Know the difference."
This one is for the modern relationship where texting plays an enormous role. Basically, the shorter the word gets, the deeper the shit you're in. Okay means we're slightly upset with whatever idiotic thing you just said. OK is just us dignifying you with a response. And if you get a K? Sleep with one eye open.
3. "Are you stupid?"
This is a rhetorical question. We already know you're stupid.
4. "Are you kidding me?"
Bad move buddy. You better take back whatever it was you just said or did. And find some amazing way to apologize for your idiocy.
5. "You don't have to if you don't want to but..."
..unless you want to be single, you better do whatever it is you were asked to do.
6. "Whatever."
We no longer have the energy or interest in continuing the argument. The conversation is now over. However, you're still wrong.
7. "I'm fine."
We're not fine. We need cuddles. Preferably with some ice cream.
8. "Five more minutes."
Almost never does this actually mean five minutes. It usually means we only need to do our makeup, get dressed, redo our hair, apply some more mascara, then put on some lipstick and we'll be ready to go. Maybe..
9. "Does this make me look fat?"
This is no trick question. There's an easy answer, and it is never yes. Just tell us we look great, you love the way we look, wouldn't change a thing, etc. It's simple really.
10. "What?"
Chances are we're not saying "What?" because we didn't hear you. This is us giving you a chance to change what you said.
11. "Do whatever you want."
Translation: Do NOT do whatever you want. Abort mission. Immediately. Or you will be single.
12. "What did you do last night?"
Don't even bother lying. We already know. We just want to see if you have the decency to actually tell us the truth. Either way, you're in deep shit.
13. "Oh, nothing."
Definitely something. Except you are expected to know what that something is. If you haven't figured out what's wrong by the time we bring it up, we are not responsible for our actions.
There are women who say what they mean with no mind games. But there are also men out there who know exactly what their woman means no matter how she goes about saying it. I know because I found one.
Is this all a little impractical? Sure. But guess what. Love isn't practical. It's not meant to be butterflies and laughter all the way through. Battle through the arguments and obstacles. Learn what makes your significant other tick - their likes and dislikes, their values and beliefs, and their favorite places and random pet peeves. Once you learn all that you won't need translations to figure out what's going on in their head. You'll just know.
