It’s that time of year again, all the incoming freshman have begun the tedious, and sometimes awkward, process of finding a roommate. Sure, it’s always possible to go random and hope for the best, but going random can have its downsides; you may get more (or less) than you bargained for.
Most of us, though, would like to know at least a little about the person who will know about our dirty laundry (both literally and figuratively). Thus, we must search for the person who will essentially be our spouse for the next 8 months or so. Believe it or not, finding a roommate really is just like finding a significant other because it is a relationship, just not a physical or overly affectionate one.
1. Finding similar interests
You see their Facebook post on your class page, you like it because, you, too, love Game of Thrones and pickles. This person sounds a lot like you... how great would it be to live with someone who also loves late night Taco Bell runs and would love to rush with you? It would be like a roommate and a soul sister all in one.
When you meet someone new that you're interested in, you look for similarities that you two may have to bring you together. No one wants to pursue someone they can't stand.
2. Making the First move
Alright, so you've established that you two could get along, now it's time to spark up a conversation. Usually, the safe choice is to use something that you two have in common (based on their aforementioned Facebook post) and maybe make a joke or ask a question. What if they don't respond? What if they thought your joke was too corny? It's funny, because I'm sure these same thoughts run through your head as you strike up a conversation with the cute person in your Humanities class.
3. Butterflies--sorta
Okay, so maybe butterflies isn't the right word, but they responded to you and they seemed nice. Now you must move to the next difficult step... continuing the conversation. When I say butterflies, I mean that excitement you feel when you succeed. So, you didn't scare them away with your lame jokes, they're messaging back and you're getting along--this could be it. You probably feel the same way when the good looking stranger you've been talking to finally asks if he can see you again.
4. Playing 20 Questions (HA)
Oh boy. So you've gotten to know each other a little and you seem to get along about the little things, now it's time to worry about the big things. This includes things like sleeping habits, courtesy expectations, drug use, etc. Sure, you guys might like the same shows, but if they believe the best way to watch Grey's Anatomy is in the nude, you may want to reconsider. Even extreme ideological differences can be deal breakers. Hopefully, we've all grown up enough that we don't play "20 Questions" anymore, but full disclosure is not a bad idea for certain things.
5. Mixed Feelings
That awkward moment when your potential roommate actually does like to watch Grey's Anatomy in the nude...yikes. It's a hard thing trying to truly know someone you just met a few hours, days, weeks, or even months ago. You guys get along great, you have a lot in common, and you seem to enjoy getting to know each other. While getting to know each other, you've learned some things about them that may be a little different than what you think, and now you have to decide if those differences are something you can look past or if they're too bothersome for you.
6. Wondering if they are talking to anyone else
My mom actually brought this point up to me when I was doing my own roommate search. I had recently gone out to lunch with a potential roommate, and I thought it went well, but I had no idea what she thought. Maybe she went that night and told anyone else she was talking to that she just had lunch with a crazy person. UGH. Doesn't that just remind you of going on a date and someone not calling you back?
7. Wondering if YOU should talk to anyone else
In doubting the other person's loyalty (which isn't actually necessary, FYI), you may start to wonder if you should also keep your options open (definitely a dating term) in case this specific roommate doesn't work out. And then you have to wonder, what if I hurt their feelings with my own lack of loyalty?
8. Playing it cool (we never said we were exclusive)
Eventually, you'll decide not to ask if they are talking to other people because you guys aren't dating and it really doesn't matter. Secretly it will bother you, just like it would with someone you've been dating, but you don't want to seem clingy.
9. Telling other people about them
You've now spent a lot of time learning about this person and you think you two could get along. Honestly, it's okay to be a little excited. You want your friends to be happy for you or maybe warn you about something you hadn't noticed yet. For the most part, this is just you talking about this new adventure you're excited to embark on.
10. Making things official
Finally, it is time to make that final, daring move. You know what you want, now it's time to put the ball in their court. You think you and this person could really get along and have fun together throughout your first year of college. So now it's time to put yourself out there and tell them how you really feel.You know, when you very carefully type up that risky text/Facebook message that pours your heart and soul out and typically contains "if you're interested," or "only if you want to."
11a. Getting rejected
JUST LIKE DATING, sometimes the other person doesn't feel the same way you do. Maybe they can't get over your fear of balloons or the fact that you collect unused toothpicks, that's okay! This whole process is about finding someone you can feel comfortable with, and if you two are too different, then you can each find someone else. It's absurd to think you're a failure just because a roommate didn't work out. In the words of my grandmother, "On to the next one!" Eventually, it'll happen
11b. Celebrating the new commitment
WOO-HOO! This first part of your quest is over, you got yourself a roomie. You can now breathe that huge sigh of relief you've been waiting for. You found someone who you like (and they like you back!) and they're excited to take on the wonders of freshman year with you.
12. Beginning to take on the future together
Now that you two have made this decision to live together, there's so many things left to do. You guys have to discuss appliances and color schemes (if that's important to you). You can talk about all of the fun and crazy adventures you're going to have together whether it be going out on the town or drinking hot cocoa and watching scary movies. Like Thelma and Louise, you two are going to have the best time together.
Disclaimer—like all relationships, sometimes roommates seem nice at first, but they end up not working out and that’s okay. Despite everything, there is no rule that states you and your roommate have to be the best of friends. Good communication (PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE REALLY DOESN'T WORK) and mutual respect are the key components to a good living situation.
