With everything in the media today, I feel like people are expected to be looking for love. If you are aren’t in a relationship, you are supposed to be trying to find one. The ultimate goal for everyone is to find “the one”, the person to share the rest of your life with. I feel like that pressure is ridiculous because there is so much more to live for than to find another person who accepts you the way you are. You can’t really share your life with someone if you’ve spent it looking for them instead of building a life for yourself. So if you have ever wondered what else you could do instead of searching for someone to love, here is twelve things you can do for yourself that isn’t searching for “the one”.

1. Fall in love with yourself.

Instead of trying to love someone else, try loving yourself first. If you can’t love yourself, then it’s really hard to see what you deserve in a relationship. You can spend time getting in touch with yourself, learn to love your body, learn to love your quirks, and learn to love spending time with yourself. Take yourself out to dinner, go to a movie you really want to see, give yourself a spa day. Pamper yourself and treat yourself to all the things you would want someone else to do. You got you.

2. Travel the world.

There is so much to see in the world. Everyone has dreamt of seeing different parts of the world, so reach those dreams. Grab a few friends and just travel. Travel until you’ve soaked your wild roots. Climb mountains, go scuba diving, teach children English. Do all the things your heart desire.

3. Pick up a hobby.

Is there anything that you’ve ever wanted to do. Have you ever been jealous of a talent that someone else had? Well do it. Learn to play the violin, learn to skateboard, take drawing or pottery lessons, take a yoga or cooking class. Learn to make all the things you’ve always loved. Do it for you. Express yourself in ways you’ve never thought of and show everyone what you’re capable of.

4. Give back.

Think of causes that are close to your heart. Start giving your time to them. Start walking shelter dogs, build houses for those in need, volunteer at a food bank, raise money for children in need. There is so many deserving charities you can give both your money and time to and giving to those in need gives back to you.

5. Make a new friend, learn to accept different people.

Branch out and make new friends in places you never expected. Join clubs that you would never imagine being a part of. Learn why people enjoy L.A.R.P.ing Try joining the theater club. Try to understand what makes other people tick. You can never tell who you will grow close to as long as you give them a chance and have an open mind.

6. Journal

It might seem silly to begin with but that’s why you should do it. Write down everything that crosses your mind. What scares you? What makes you tick? What do you think is important? Reflecting on things can help you get in touch with not just yourself but those around you as well.

7. Relax

Buy yourself a huge onesie, a mug full of tea, and sit back and chill. Bing watch your favorite show. Get lost in a good boo. Let go of everything else in the world and take some time for you. Catch up on some much needed sleep. Take a bubble bath with candles. Indulge in your guilty pleasures and do whatever makes you smile.

8. Plan your future.

Everyone thinks about their future, but no one really plans it. Make some goals. Make some small ones for tomorrow. Make huge goals. Make goals that seem unfathomable. Shoot for the moon. Don’t plan your future with anyone else in mind. Plan the future you would want just for you. What car do you drive? Where do you live? What is your job? Write it all down and go for it.

9. Make huge mistakes.

Sometimes we are afraid to do something that seems like a lot of fun just because we are afraid of the consequences. The thing is that most mistakes aren’t going to change the entire world. Mistakes are a chance to learn, and you may learn something unexpected. You also may learn that what you were afraid of really wasn’t that big of a deal. Just do the things that scare you because they may not be all that terrifying.

10. Learn to say “no”.

Stop doing the things that you really don’t want to do. Do things for yourself and no other reason than you really want to. If you really don’t want to stay up until 3 a.m. watching a movie with a friend then don’t. If you’d rather stay in than go to a party, then stay in. Stop being afraid of upsetting someone because you changed your mind or because you just really aren’t feeling it

11. Find a mentor, be a mentor.

Mentors are amazing people. Find someone that you look up to, someone you admire and that you would want to follow in their footsteps. Talk to them about shadowing them, ask them to be your mentor. The worst they could say is no. If you can’t find a mentor, be the mentor you wish you had growing up. Join the Big Brother/Big Sister organization. Show a middle schooler how important it is to follow their dreams and to stay in school. Let them know that someone else has gone through the same things they are currently going through and that everything works out in the end.

12. Pick traits you desire in a partner, and cultivate you in yourself.

Everyone has ideas of what they would want in an ideal partner. Maybe they are very patient, maybe they are adventurous, maybe they are a very good listener. Pick out these traits that you desire in a partner and cultivate them in yourself. Learn to be a better listener and be more patient. There is always room to improve and you might be more understanding with other people if you learn to improve on yourself.

This is just a really short list of things that you could spend your time doing instead of searching for someone else to spend it with. The point is someone else is not going to make your life any more fulfilling than you will. All you have to do is stop living it for someone else and start living your life for yourself and do all the things you have ever imagined. You have all the time in the world. Just let love fall into place when the time is right.