If you’re still having nightmares about your overtime red card in your high school’s district game, you might be resisting your NARP label. For those who don’t know what this acronym means, it stands for non-athletic-regular-person, and it is so not flattering for those high school athletes who decide not to take their talents to college. These are the signs you might be repressing the reality of your NARP status:
1. You always keep hairbands on your wrist and sports equipment in your car
You’re not like all those other people who keep a pony tail holder on them in case their hair is falling in their face. Nope, yours is in case you need to run to a field or pool quickly and kick some ass. There’s no way you are going to miss any opportunity to play a pickup game or jump in the middle of a U-7 tournament. After all, this is what you’ve trained for since you were eight.
2. You attend and criticize your college sporting events regularly
You’re going to be witnessing plenty of sports at college. That’s when you will constantly whine at said events and point out any little mistake a player might make. This is really just to mask the fact you miss the game so much and that you suddenly regret choosing to quit in the first place. It’s a vicious cycle.
3. You take intramurals way too seriously.
You might say that kick to the shin wasn’t personal, but it so was. Your teammates will question your devotion to the team that barely plays once a week. Are customized team jerseys a little excessive? Are the scoring celebrations maybe a little too much? Maybe. Maybe not.
4. You never throw away old sports T-shirts because their sentimental value is worth more than your first semester tuition.
If you’re anything like me, your sports T-shirts date back to braces, documenting anything from your 6th grade club team to senior night. They not only make great PJ shirts, but you need them to prove you’re athletic.
5. You still eat like an athlete and repeatedly tell people you’ll burn it off at practice later.
6. You are really confused about things like gym memberships and fitness classes and why you now have to use them to stay in shape at all. (inevitably because of #5.)
7. When you visit high school senior nights, you cry more than the seniors.
8. You remind relatives at various family gatherings of all the sports stories from your high school glory years.
This helps until they start asking about what you are devoting your time to now.
9. You try, and fail, at finding a new hobby to devote yourself to.
P.S. Taking pictures on your iPhone does not make you a photographer. Stay in school, kids.
