Any English major with an imagination has placed themselves in the shoes of their favorite characters, reliving everything from their seemingly surreal adventures to their most intimate moments. Maybe, at night, when no one is around, you even fantasize about your own adventures side-by-side with the literature lover of your dreams. The 19th-century-enthusiast in you might picture a ruggedly handsome Darcy sweeping you off your feet, or your free spirit might long for the love of Jim Burden out on those sprawling Nebraska plains. Either way, you should probably investigate their character traits a little closer before you mentally marry yourself to the idea of their imaginary arms around you, since a few of the bookish beefcakes you’ve been fantasizing about might just be bad boyfriends.

1. Romeo from "Romeo and Juliet"

Have you ever wondered if the Romeo to your Juliet is, in fact, Romeo himself? This quintessential male romantic icon has been stealing the hearts of audience members since 1597, flattering females by speaking in sonnets and being

devoted to his one true love. Be careful, though – as soon as another girl catches his eye, he’ll be gone. Even though it’s probably for the best – his last relationship ended with a double suicide – you can’t help pining for the Shakespearean hero who got away.

2. Hamlet from "Hamlet"

After writing three papers on "Hamle" so far in my college career, I’m more convinced than ever that this prince of Denmark is nothing more than an unattractive whiner. Even though he’s a man who knows what he wants and will literally do anything to get it, his list of redeeming qualities ends there. He has a history of failed relationships – even though he’ll insist that Ophelia’s “accidental” drowning was not his fault – and he’s probably at least a little gay for his best friend, Horatio. His tendency to see ghosts and soliloquize about the inevitability of death should prove that Hamlet doesn’t need a girlfriend – he needs therapy.

3. Jay Gatsby from "The Great Gatsby"

Gatsby, outwardly, appears to have it all – the looks, the brains, the wealth, the popularity, everything you’d want out of a potential suitor. Too bad he’s still hung up on his ex, Daisy, and intent on doing anything and everything to get her back. You should probably cut and run before he starts to romanticize you as a symbol of wealth, the only thing he actually desires. Besides, it’s definitely best to steer clear of men who think the key to a great date night is vehicular homicide.

4. Tom Buchanan from "The Great Gatsby"

Just because Gatsby made the list doesn’t mean his nemesis, Tom, is off the hook - Daisy’s husband is just as bad as her former lover. He’s mean, he’s brutish, and he’s hypocritical, and let’s be honest – his only attractive quality is his money. Thankfully, his old money ways and sense of superiority will probably convince him that he’s out of your league, when, in reality, it’s the other way around. Polo players are so last century.

5. Jake from "The Sun Also Rises"

Do you crave the listless and contemplative life of a typical Ernest Hemingway expatriate? No? Then Jake, World War I veteran and aficionado, isn’t the man for you. He’ll spend your entire relationship drinking wine straight out of the bottle and pining for his long lost love, Brett, instead of giving you the attention you deserve. Not to mention, he lost both his sense of masculinity and physical manhood during the war, meaning he’ll never be able to satisfy your feminine needs.

6. Robinson Crusoe from "Robinson Crusoe"

Robinson Crusoe simultaneously manages to be the poster child for 18th-century protagonists and insistent mansplainers. He’s exactly the kind of man to spend your entire date talking about himself, giving you the in-depth blow-by-blow of his last vacation to an island infested with cannibals when you really just wanted to know how his day was. All of his stories sound a little too far-fetched to be true, and it’s safe to say that he might just be a pathological liar in disguise.

7. Colonel Aureliano Buendia from "One Hundred Years of Solitude"

Even though it’s debatable that any male protagonist from Gabriel García Márquez’s 1967 novel would make a disastrous date, Colonel Aureliano Buendía manages to take the cake as the worst of the worst. If he’s not off fighting in a war, then he’s home in his studio, ignoring you in favor of making and remaking the same gold fish. If his inability to maintain a social life isn’t enough to turn you off of this Colombian colonel, then his pedophilic tendencies and seventeen pre-marital affairs probably are.

8. Heathcliff from "Wuthering Heights"

When Emily Brontë published "Wuthering Heights" in 1847, she didn’t expect for me, centuries later, to call out her neurotic male hero on being the absolute worst. While it’s easy to feel bad for him due to his checkered past, sympathy-dating him would be like willingly sending yourself to jail. He’s prone to kidnapping and fits of obsession, as well as talking nonstop about his eternal love for another woman, making date night more of a recipe for disaster.

9. Quentin from "The Sound and the Fury"

Quentin is the kind of man more suited for a friends-with-benefits arrangement, since his obsession with sex and virginity makes it almost impossible for him to have a relationship that’s more than just physical. He’s the kind of guy who’ll boast about his sex life with his buddies, yet sulk and bemoan his tragic existence when you finally decide that you deserve better.

10. Atticus Finch from "To Kill A Mockingbird"

Atticus Finch is the perfect example of how a great guy doesn’t necessarily equate to a great boyfriend. It’s impossible to have a conversation that isn’t riddled with metaphorical advice, and he’s always a little bit too secretive about his past for your liking. His kids are nice, but stepping into the role of stepmom would mean forcing Scout into clothes other than overalls, something no woman should ever be expected to achieve. Even though Gregory Peck made Atticus a certified DILF, he’s not DILD (Dad I’d Like to Date) material.

11. Tom Sawyer from "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" and "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn"

Anyone in my English class can testify that I hate Tom Sawyer more than I hate most things, including, but not limited to, every other protagonist on this list. His only talents include haranguing people into his thoughtless schemes and making himself the center of attention, traits that make anyone, including your man, difficult to tolerate. You’re always going to play second fiddle to whatever harebrained goose chase he’s concocted, and whether or not it will be technically legal is left for the law to decide. He’s a bad boy, but he doesn’t do it well – especially since he has the mental (and maybe physical) age of fourteen.

12. Oedipus from "Oedipus Rex"

This one should be self explanatory.