1. Time to study.
  2. Oh look, this is a nice book.
  3. I love this book. It's very nice looking. Yay psychology!
  4. Sike! Just kidding, this book is big and scary.
  5. When people say “sike,”—which definitely was originally "psych" I'm pretty sure—what is that short for? Psychology?
  6. Did people used to make jokes and then yell “psychology” at their fiends?
  7. “Kellyanne Conway is so smart… PSYCHOLOGY!”
  8. That just doesn’t have the same ring to it. I guess that’s why they shortened it to just “psych”—and "sike" subsequently.
  9. What’s that noise?
  10. Is someone’s phone ringing?
  11. Can’t they tell I’m trying to study?
  12. I NEED SILENCE!
  13. It's...It’s my phone.
  14. Hi mom.
  15. Yes, I’m studying.
  16. Yes, Mom!
  17. Ok, bye.
  18. Yeah yeah, love you too. Bye.
  19. ALRIGHT.
  20. Chapter 1
  21. Well this is redundant; I learned this before.
  22. I know things?
  23. I'm so smart!
  24. Maybe I'll just skim? Yeah let's do that.
  25. Ok.
  26. Sure.
  27. Yup.
  28. Wait, what? Psychoanalysis? We didn't go over that.
  29. Ya know, it’s probably not going to be on the test.
  30. NEXT!
  31. Look I’m already on chapter 2.
  32. Meh.
  33. I'll come back to this one later.
  34. CHAPTER 3!
  35. Oh good, the brain. I have one of those.
  36. Neurons look like those little, squishy hand toys that you can throw and they stick to things.
  37. I want one of those.
  38. $0.35 on Partypalooza.com? I’ll take 100!
  39. Ugh! why can’t I focus?
  40. I should...take Adderall!
  41. Is Adderall a...an...agonist or antagonist?
  42. Why didn’t we go over Adderall in class?
  43. What would happen if I took Adderall?
  44. I heard about a kid who stared at one question for the entire SAT because he took a bunch of it. SO let's not.
  45. I wonder if there are any apps that will help me learn this stuff.
  46. There's an app that just called “Psych”? This will be perfect!
  47. What the hell?
  48. It looks like “Heads Up.”
  49. Did Ellen design this?
  50. Eh, maybe she had a psychology degree?
  51. Crap it’s a game.
  52. Oh god, it looks fun.
  53. You have to play with other people though.
  54. Maybe this girl next to me will want to play.
  55. “HI DO YOU...oh sorry.”
  56. “Hi do you… oh. No... sorry, I just wanted to see if you wanted to play a… ok.”
  57. Well, she wasn't very nice.
  58. She's a sociopath. I would know; I'm taking Intro to Psychology.
  59. Definitely a sociopath. Or a psycho—these are scientific terms, I'm sure.
  60. American Psycho is such a scary movie.
  61. Oh god! How am I on YouTube watching all of the murders from American Psycho in order of “which are best”?
  62. What makes a murder "the best"?
  63. Oh wow, I do guess the chainsaw was the best.
  64. American Psycho the Musical?!
  65. This can’t be real.
  66. Oh look, they performed on Stephen Colbert.
  67. Ooo! This a fun song.
  68. Maybe YouTube has psychology courses?
  69. CRASH COURSE!
  70. Crap nothing has changed since high school.
  71. These videos make it seem so easy.
  72. Alright self, you should put the computer away.
  73. Computer closed! I have an iron will!
  74. I’m hungry.
  75. Maybe I take a break and walk to Starbucks.
  76. The Starbucks on campus closes at 3:00...It’s 9:00 pm.
  77. Ok, I walk to the closest Starbucks and then I come back and study. Deal?
  78. Deal!
  79. Wait no deal!
  80. Howie, I didn’t mean to take the deal!
  81. I know I had the million in my case. It was 15, which is today's date!
  82. Well, I took the deal. Off to Starbucks!
  83. It’s cold outside.
  84. Why did I leave Florida to attend college?
  85. Hmmm, what do I want?
  86. The new Cascara latte? Thats a fun word. "Cascara!"
  87. I shall name my first born Cascara.
  88. You know, I should get two drinks—this was a long walk.
  89. “Hi I'll have a venti peach green tea and a grande Casablanca latte.”
  90. My child is going to hate me when I mess up their name.
  91. "CAS CARrrrrrrr Ahhhhhhh"
  92. Mmmmm this is good. Peachy.
  93. Time to walk back. It's cold.
  94. My hands are cold now. Why would I get an iced drink?
  95. Because it's peachy!
  96. Oh look I’m back at the library.
  97. I don’t remember any of this stuff.
  98. Chapter 7 is about memory. I should go over that.
  99. Oh, this is a fun picture of a computer to describe my memory.
  100. Is my brain a computer?
  101. I'm in the matrix, aren’t I?
  102. I choose the red pill!
  103. Well now I know everything so there’s no need to study.
  104. Why am I writing this down? I should be studying!
  105. Well, I AM providing people with a window into my PSYCHE.
  106. ...through introspection...
  107. ...which was used by Wundt and Titchener…
  108. ...who...did...Structuralism…
  109. Let me check that.
  110. HOLY POOP I WAS RIGHT!
  111. Mostly.
  112. That was exhausting.
  113. I’m done for the day.
  114. This was good.
  115. Proud of you, self.