Anyone that has walked through the halls of a high school for more than five minutes will be able to tell you that high schoolers say a lot of weird things. So, at the beginning of my senior year, I decided to start a list in the notes of my phone of all the weird things I heard in school, whether I heard it in passing in the halls or one of my friends said it. In total, the list was well over 50 quotes long, but some of them didn’t make sense anymore, and some of them probably never made sense. I worked the list down and added whatever context I could remember and I now present you with a list of 11 of the weirdest things I’ve heard in high school.
1. “Yeah, they think he has Schizophrenia.”
I remember walking down the hallway when I heard this one. There was zero context since I only heard this in passing but it was quite interesting. Who might have Schizophrenia? Who is “they”? Does he know that he might have Schizophrenia?
2. “This is a terrible toilet.”
This wasn’t that much of a surprise to me. I heard this standing in the bathroom one day and wholeheartedly agreed right away. When you have to flush a toilet 10 times before it actually flushes, you know it’s a terrible toilet.
3. “It’s just a finger injury.”
I don’t remember who said this, but I remember they said it very rudely to someone who said they couldn’t write their essay because of their injury. I don’t remember whose side I was on though.
4. “My mom told me last week that I was supposed to be aborted.”
This one sparked so many questions in my head. Why did your mom tell you this? Did you ask her? How did that even come up in a conversation? Is the relationship between you two okay?
5. “My dad plays ping pong, but he also has nipple rings.
These are two things that I never really wanna hear about anyone’s dad, but also, looking at the kid who said it, it kind of made sense. Also, does the playing ping pong excuse the nipple rings or do the nipple rings excuse the ping pong playing.
6. “Did you bring cocaine?”
Okay, so don’t worry too much, this was in reference to someone’s party and not whether or not someone brought cocaine to school. But also, why are high school kids talking about cocaine? I thought that was something only 5e kids on ‘Gossip Girl’ actually did.
7. “I could have cut my eye out.”
This was said when someone threw a paper airplane—don’t ask—across the room and it went about three feet in front of this person’s face. No, it could not have almost cut their eye out.
8. “I have, like, a fetish for popping pimples. Okay, so it’s not a fetish, it’s more of a kink, but...”
This was said in the middle of my creative writing class and I still cannot scrub that memory or this quote from my head, so the rest of you will have to suffer with me.
9. A girl named Katelyn, “My Spanish teacher calls me Brittany.”
We were having a conversation about all the wrongs names we’ve been called and Katelyn had this to say. This was in the middle of the school year. Brittany and Katelyn aren’t even close.
10. “Did you know that the plural of uterus is uteri?”
I don’t remember where or in what context this was said, but I also don’t know where or in what context this would be used. Also, fun fact!
11. “Okay, but a long time ago, a furry made a wish for anthropomorphic animals to be real and kangaroos were made.”
This was said by the same girl as the pimple popping one and also in my creative writing class. I don’t know a lot about furries, so I’m not 100% sure if this is accurate or just rude, but I thought it was funny for some reason.
I’m sure not a lot of these make sense, but this is what it’s like to be in high school. I feel like, as I reflect on the past three years I’ve spent there, nothing really sums up my high school experience quite like this list.