This week my editor suggested I should write a satirical piece. "Hey, how about an article about being British in the USA," right? yes, sure I thought, why not? I have a million anecdotes after all. I have been living in Houston for 6 years now (where did time go?) and some struggles are still very real.

So, If you are a British student or young professional landing your little bum in the US of A you need to be ready for these.

Here we go:

1. "Oh, but you have pretty good teeth for being British" - excuse me, what? I mean, we are in 2016 not in pre-colonial British empire times. The NHS actually is pretty amazing and we do have dentists in the UK thank you very much, also - why are you even looking at my teeth?

2. "Oh God, that is gross, why are you pouring milk in your tea?" well yes, how else do you get to enjoy a proper cuppa? Don't you put milk in your coffee? it works the same way mate. Also, I am sorry but sweet tea is an abomination and should be banned from the entire earth. Tea is not meant to have ice cubes floating around in it. And, while we are at it, if you want a real cuppa please bring your own tea bags because it takes 3 Lipton tea bags to make a decent cuppa around here. (Tetley come back!)

3. "Chips, not crisps" the first 100 times you order a sandwich with chips and expect to see some delicious, steaming hot thick cut "fries" but you get a sad bag of crisps (chips) instead. I know yes, it's as confusing to you as it is to me. Also, it is not that bloody hard to say crisps, why is it so difficult?

4. "It's half past ten" - yes, that is the time. Half-past an hour means it is the hour and 30minutes past it. It's not rocket science! So if I say it's half ten, it means the same thing. Half 10 = 10:30. You will get many confused faces whenever you use these way of telling the time, as it seems (apparently) us brits use a significantly difficult and abstract way to tell the time (not).

5. "A glass of Water, please" this is by far my favorite. Try asking for a glass of water (with your British accent no matter from what part of the UK) and they will look at you like you are an alien from another world asking for an exotic beverage. An innocent "may I have a glass of Wa-ah (Geordie accent) or posh Wa-tah" turns into a 10 min back and forward, sign language, patience wrecking, cultural experience in which both you and the waiter will end up frustrated. You will end up saying "wa-ddor I meant wa-ddor!" (American pronunciation) soon enough and you will eventually refrain from saying wa-ah ever again. EVER.

6. "Hey, can you record my voice mail message" Yep. I have been asked to do this quite a few times. Embrace it! Americans love the British accent and sometimes will ask you to record things in your lovely accent, like voice mail messages. Go with the flow and enjoy your uniqueness while it lasts. Also, use it as a hook for the ladies, or gents! whichever tickles your fancy.

7. "Excuse me, you misspelled that word" No, sorry no I did not. If I had a penny for each time some smarty pants have come to be and say "no, that is not how you spell that" I would have, I don't know, a lot of dollars ok! I am very aware of how to spell but some words have different spelling from American English and British English. Like, for example, "learnt" UK and "learned" USA. Yes! they are both words and they are both correct. The list is endless, so be mentally prepared for this one.

8. Tea here sucks. Oh wait, I already said that.

9. "Are you from England? I've been to London and I love it! also, my great great great grandmother is Irish" Ok, first and foremost there are many other cities in England, not just London but hey I appreciate the fact you have visited. However no, I am not from London just like not every American is from New York. On the other hand, Err Ireland is a different country, not technically England, and the fact your great great great nana was from there does NOT make you Irish. No, no sir it doesn't! You are not Irish I don't care what you say.

10. Number 9 brings me to 10, NO. you are not English just because your great great great great aunt Marie was from London and came here in the Titanic in 1909. (or, well you know what I mean) Don't hate me, you know is true!

11. " Do you celebrate July 4th in England" ... really? really? You are asking me if we, the losers of that battle, celebrate the fact that what? that you colonials won? No - Next!

I could be here all day long. Overall coming to the United States is a pleasant experience once you get past the little annoyances, lol, joking, it is all good here - we just have to remember that for once we are the foreigners. Also, do not worry more and more supermarkets and retailers carry British foods (Heinz Baked Beans, Hobnobs, Tetley Tea) unfortunately, you will have to make your own Yorkshire puddings and Sunday roast! And if you do, "giz a call!"

Jihane Rodriguez