Have you ever worked in retail?

What about shoe retail? Well, if so, you've probably found yourself on the edge of your seat waiting to hear all of these phrases:

1. Hi! How are you? “…”

Well, fuck me then. Your silence says it all.

2. Hey, how are y— “We’re just looking thanks!”

... Did I ask you that? Whatever, I’ll give you some time to browse like the good associate I am.

3. Do you guys need any help? “No, we’re still looking.”

Could you take your still looking ass out the door please?

4. “Can I get a discount on these?”

No, sorry but they are popular products so I can’t give a discount.

5. “Damn, you would think they’d be a little less since they’re popular.”

Yeah, that’s not how that works.

6. “I was just trying these on for size. I’ll definitely be back for them next time I get paid though.”

Well that’s great for you. I’ll just take all this back to the stockroom and contemplate how much time I wasted.

7. These shoes don’t come in half sizes. “That doesn’t make sense. I saw these shoes in half sizes online.”

Well, ma’am that’s probably because those shoes were fake. Please continue to tell me more about the product I sell on a daily basis.

8. We can always order them for you. “But I want them now. I can just order them myself!”

Okay, don’t get loud with me. All you have to do is wait longer. Patience is a virtue.

9. “How can you not have these shoes in stock? Aren’t they popular right now?”

You just answered your own question.

10. “Hey Ma! Could you help me out?”

I am sure your Mother would love to help you. However, I can’t do much for you.

11. Do you think I could get your number with these shoes?

Not at all. Since I’m a human being I don’t come with the product.