When you work at a grocery store there is a list of phrases you learn to hear more often than you want to. When you hear these phrases come from customers, these are most likely the responses you wish you could say, and then what you probably actually say. Through personal experience I've learned that retail workers are just a big group of sarcastic zombies.

1. "Did that come up on sale?" After they pay and check the receipt for 10 minutes.

Why wouldn't you want to know before you pay? I mean, let me see the receipt and I'll circle, highlight, and point it out to you.

2. "Oh, wait. I have the change." After you put the cash through and the register tells you the change to give them.

Now I have to do math to make sure I'm giving you the right change. *Takes out phone to figure out new amount of change.*

3. "Are you open?" When your light is off and you're in the midst of signing off the register.

No, the light is out and so am I. I mean, as long as me ringing you out doesn't cause a mob of people to keep me from leaving, I guess so.

4. "Do you work here?" As you're in your full uniform.

No, I just decided to dress up in these ugly clothes and walk around for my health. I mean, what can I help you with?

5. "I guess you're new here." Just because they haven't seen you before.

There's a thing called different shifts. I mean, ha ha ha! No, I've been working here for a while, maybe you just haven't seen me before.

6. "I just have a few more." When you're express and they obviously have a full cart.

No, I'm pretty sure you have a lot more than a few. I mean, yeah, sure it's fine. Come on through.

7. "I bet you hear that beeping in your dreams."

No, I actually dream of being anywhere but here. I mean, ha ha! Sometimes.

8. "Oh, and I have these coupons." As they're signing the payment slip.

Well isn't that just dandy. Guess they're useless now. I mean, if you take them to the service center they can help you.

9. "It should work, I got the right thing." After a coupon says it's invalid for the order.

No, actually Barbara you didn't. And I know that because I read the fine print and dug through your whole cart to find the box. I mean, Ma'am you seem to have gotten the wrong size.

10. "Smile." When you're six hours into an eight hour shift.

I want you to smile when you're miserable. I mean, *smiles as wide as you can until customer looks away or says "That's better."*

11. "Have a nice day." As they get to leave and go outside and enjoy their life, and you're stuck at work.

I would if I could, but I can't. I mean, you too.