The holiday season is officially upon us. The radio is blasting Christmas music 24-7, Starbucks cups are red, and Santa’s watching you sleep again. The holidays are great, and it’s one of my favorite times of the year (the most wonderful time, get it?). But, over the years, a few things that happen during the holidays have started to get on my nerves. Here are 11 of my (minor) complaints about the holiday season.
1. The movie "Elf" is everywhere
Before anyone rages at me, let me just say that "Elf" is a great movie. What's not great is how it's everywhere for the whole month of December. Come on, guys, there are other Christmas movies. Let's spread the wealth here.
2. Everyone’s really cheery
The holidays don't mean you have to be ridiculously happy all the time. That's just creepy. You know who's always happy all the time? Those people in scary movies who look like normal townspeople, but are actually in a cult.
3. I hate asking for things
I always feel weird when I tell people what I want for Christmas. I feel like I'm saying, "Hey, I don't have enough things. Get me more things. All the things!"
4. D-list Christmas movies
Did you know there are sequels to classic Christmas movies like "Frosty the Snowman" and "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer?" Oh, yes, there are sequels, and oh, no, they are not good. Check out "Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July" if you don't believe me.
5. A-list Christmas movies
Don't tell me that right here, Kris Kringle doesn't look like he's dressed as Santa Claus for ... well ... naughty reasons. And, we let our children sit on the man's lap.
6. No one knows how to drive
Come on, people, just be a little more cautious. Downshift to get more traction. Buy tire chains. Take that corner carefully. You can do it.
7. I have no idea what to buy for anyone
Nothing makes me realize how little I know my family and friends more than trying to buy presents for them. Do you … do you just want a gift card? You get a gift card. Gift cards for everyone.
8. My birthday is Dec. 6
Now, this isn't supposed to sound selfish, but having a December birthday is kind of like the world saying, “Hey Tom, I'mma let you finish your birthday, but Jesus Christ had one of the best December birthdays of all time.” Jesus wasn’t even born in December. Not that I’m upset or anything.
9. Fox News complains about the war on Christmas
"The Starbucks cups don’t say "Merry Christmas!?" How dare a secular company not support my religion!"
"The president put a menorah in the White House!? I thought this was a Christian nation!"
You know, stuff like that.
10. Christmas ads are unrealistic
I’ve never heard of anyone actually getting a new car for Christmas. Is that just me? Does this ever actually happen? Where do they buy those huge bows for the roof? How does Santa get his shipments of Coca-Cola to the North Pole? Someone needs to explain this.
11. When I make these complaints, people call me a Grinch
Sure, I dislike some parts of the holidays, but as a whole, I really like them. Having these critiques just means I care about the holidays even more, right? Come on, guys. Don't hate me. Come back. Please?
