Being a waitress really takes its tole on your mind and body. The amount of times we hear the same stupid questions is slightly ridiculous. The amount of refills we give an individual is disgusting. The time spent on our feet is painful to even think about. Whether your shift is three hours or 13 hours, you're bound to have at least half, if not all, of these thoughts.
1. I hope I have a good section today.
2. Great, three tables again.
3. I should have opened.
4. Why does she have four tables while I have none?
5. Can I steal that table without anyone noticing?
6. I swear to God, if the host takes that one-top to my section...
7. Great, first table is a one-top.
8. Please order alcohol, please order alcohol.
9. Water with lemon? Sure!
10. Oh you want sweetener on the side? I'm going to charge you for a lemonade.
11. You literally are sitting in my section with your knock off lemonade and have the audacity to order just a bowl of soup? C'mon.
12. You ordered the spiciest thing on the menu and downed your water. Do you expect me to just spray a hose on you until your tongue calms down? Chill out.
13. Finally, a party of four!
14. All waters again. F*ck.
15. Why didn't you ask for lemon in the beginning?
16. You haven't even ordered. You don't need silverware yet.
17. Are you kidding, you drank all your water again?!
18. Now you want three lemon wedges? OK, princess.
19. No, none of our options are vegan. I don't make the menu. Stop yelling.
20. Fricken dehydrated one-top over here can stop flailing her arms to get my attention any day now.
21. Did you seriously just tip me 70 cents?
22. Keep your filthy coin, peasant.
23. Shit, I take that back. I don't have coin change.
24. Wait, what even is my sidework?
25. Left main drink station...damnit.
26. Of course there are no glasses on my station! Just my luck.
27. Dude, you still aren't ready to order? I've been gone for like ten minutes.
28. Yes! Sat again!
29. Wait, double sat.
30. Triple sat? OK, that's ridiculous.
31. Who trained these hosts?
32. Let me guess...water with lemon.
33. Margarita, yes!
34. You don't like your strawberry margarita because it's too sweet? Do you realized you ordered a glass of syrup?
35. No, you dipwad, you can't get extra tequila in your margarita for free.
36. Fore sure you can switch to water! It's not like I have a check average to keep up or anything.
37. Who's on left main? They suck!
38. Crap, it's me.
39. Shitshitshitshit I need glasses.
40. Oh, now you're ready to order? When I have seven plates in my hand? Yeah, BRB.
41. Do not touch me while I'm working. Omg.
42. Don't make eye-contact with anyone else's tables.
43. CRAP. Yeah, I can grab you all extra napkins.
44. Did I greet 44? Is that even my section?
45. Oh, you're ready to order? Can I just get your drinks first? No? OK.
46. You're on lunch break, and it's the middle of our lunch rush...and you want me to put a rush on your order? What makes you so special?
47. Here's your diabet-AHEM, coke with grenadine.
48. Did you really just slurp that entire drink while I was standing here?
49. Yeah. Your refill is my top priority right now.
50. How rude, they wouldn't even let me introduce myself before they degraded me with water-with-lemon's.
51. You need ranch? For your soup? OK.
52. Did you really just drop your glass and shatter it on the ground? Awesome. Just what I need.
53. No yeah you're tooooootally fine don't worry I have nothing better to do!
54. Shit, the ranch.
55. They're glaring at me. I need to get that ranch ASAP.
56. OK, how come when I come by thirteen times you aren't ready to order, but the second I'm busy you are?
57. You aren't ready to order. Please let me leave. I have things to do.
58. What do I recommend? There's a McDonald's right down the road.
59. I've been working for two hours and I have yet to find out the specials.
60. I'll wing it. $5 margaritas sounds legit.
61. Where's the manager? I need a discount.
62. What am I getting for dinner tonight?
63. I need ice for my sidework. Who's my sidework partner? I'm alone??? Shit.
64. The ranch.
65. I'm so sorry, yeah, we ran out... had to make more.
66. They're pissed.
67. I'm gonna give them cookies.
68. Did the host just seat a dirty table?
69. Damnit I don't want to take that.
70. Am I cut yet?
71. You're just gonna drink? Bless your soul.
72. Your spawn just littered all over my section.
73. Yeah, don't worry about the mess!!!!!
74. Are you kidding? 12 percent tip, and I have to deep clean the mac and cheese out of the carpet?
75. Did you just flag me over so I could watch you talk on the phone?
76. Fighting over the check really isn't that cute.
77. I totally rocked this table. They loved me.
78. 15 percent tip?! I quit.
79. Can I have a drink or five tonight?
80. I still don't know our specials.
81. I'm not singing to you for your birthday, grandma.
82. Whatever I do, don't let grandpa have the bill.
83. No. Who gave the bill to grandpa?
84. $10 0n $70. Thanks, grandpa.
85. I'm cut? Thank the lord.
86. All of my tables are cashed out and gone...except for grandpa.
87. How much do I have to pay someone to clean this?
88. There are no glasses on my sidework. LOL.
89. Sorry guys, had to deal with grandpa tonight.
90. No you're good please stay until close!
91. Yeah I'm cut, but I'd love to run your food.
91. This plate is so hot.
92. Please move your phone!
93. Seriously, move your damn phone.
94. Hot hot hot hot hot hot.
95. It's going on your phone. Watch out.
96. I literally just told you this plate was hot and then you put your meaty paws all over it, and now you're complaining that you burned yourself? Get real.
97. Yes, bye grandpa!
98. He left his cell phone. That's what you get for tipping so poorly.
99. Time to clock out. And drink my sorrows away.
100. I have to be back here in 10 hours.
