Ah - finals week - what a stressful; library filled; no sleep had; energy drink overloaded week. See, this week takes you by a surprise because you celebrate last day of classes being followed by a reading day where the only thing you read is the text messages on your cell phone and the words on your bed sheets (if you even have words on your sheets). The extent of the few days after classes are over is filled with sleep and junk food, you're finally done, right? In Donald Trumps words, "wrong." After the little breather the college gives you, you get hit with the bus that is finals week. If you're like me, with three finals on one day with a thirty-minute break between each, then you're probably also procrastinating studying for said finals because you're a normal college student. There are a lot of things I'd rather do than study for my finals:
1) Sleep naked in the snow.
2) Get hit by a safe ride.
3) Dress up like a gorilla and go to the Cincinnati zoo.
4) Scroll on FaceBook after the election.
5) Scrub all of the gloss off of Gardner Hall dorms walls with sandpaper.
6) Take care of a drunk person.
7) Clean a frat house.
8) Trade my IPhone in for my old Motorola Razor.
9) Wear six-inch heels for the rest of my life.
10) Take out more student loans and go in more debt.
11) Be waiting on the Standard to be built so I can live there.
12) Have my name be Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya De La Rosa Ramirez.
13) Get my booster shots.
14) Drive in New York.
15) Miss my flight home and spend the night in the airport.
16) Lick the walls of a subway.
17) Never see a puppy again.
18) Delete my Netflix, Hulu and Amazon Prime accounts.
20) Have my SAT scores thrown out and have to retake it.
21) Run out of money on my meal plan, for the third time.
22) Make an account on Farmersonly.com
23) Only date the men I meet off of Farmersonly.com
24) Spend all of my money at Sephora and leave the bag at the store.
25) Take my mother to watch Fifty Shades Darker on Valentine's day.
26) Have a runny nose during every test I ever take.
27) Get stood up at my wedding.
28) Marry a pickle.
29) Be tagged in the pictures on FaceBook that say, "Tag your friend in this so they have to open their phone and look at a ________"
30) Never eat chicken nuggets again.
31) Give up French Fries for lent.
32) Step on a lego.
33) Have to kill a spider on my own.
34) Meet the girl from Dr.Phil outside.
35) Get hit in the head with a baseball bat.
36) Lock my keys in my car.
37) Get stung by a jelly fish.
38) Eat a bee.
39) Step on an ant pile.
40) Only eat at the dining hall for the rest of my life.
41) Speak Gibberish.
42) Have sexual relations with Bill Clinton.
43) Only listen to Nickleback.
44) Bite my tongue.
45) Get a paper cut.
46) Stay on the phone with a telemarketer.
47) Accidentally like my ex's new girlfriends Instagram picture from 2012.
48) Major in Math.
49) Have an 8 a.m. Monday-Friday.
50) Buy a concert ticket and have it stolen.
51) Slam my finger in a door.
52) Break my toes.
53) Rip my favorite leggings.
54) Fart in yoga.
55) Get a ticket for jaywalking.
56) Have a child that acts just like me.
57) Drive around my friends so they can play Pokemon go.
58) Be a designated driver for drunk girls and let them puke in my car.
59) Never wear oversized t-shirts again.
60) Participate in no-shave November and wear shorts every day.
61) Procter an exam.
62) Have to cook.
63) Give up cookout.
64) Clean a shower drain full of hair.
65) Burn my mouth on hot chocolate.
66) Have an ingrown toenail.
67) Say the alphabet backward.
68) Answer "yes" to every question I'm asked.
69) Work in a hospital after only watching one season of Greys Anatomy.
70) Watching the episode where Derek Sheppard dies over and over again.
71) Date Barney Stinson.
72) Have Ted Mosby tell me the story of how he met his wife.
73) Let Casey Anthony babysit my children.
74) Mourn a gorilla for seven months.
75) Name my first born Harambe.
76) Brush my teeth with my razor.
77) Get a Charley Horse.
78) Take a sex ed. with the teacher from Mean Girls.
79) Teach sex ed.
80) Think a shark is a dolphin and try to swim with it.
81) Get car sick.
82) Let my roommate pierce my ears.
83) Chose to pick up food instead of have it delivered.
84) Do my laundry in the dorms on Sunday.
85) Go back to middle school.
86) Let the kids I nanny do my hair and makeup every day for the rest of my life.
87) Have something in my eye.
88) Star in Breaking Amish.
89) Trade in my cats for a snake.
90) Have a free range pet tarantula.
91) Not room with my best friend.
92) Inherit the national debt.
93) Sew all of my clothes.
94) Have all of my toenails fall off.
95) Be dehydrated forever.
96) Run a marathon.
97) Spill Cheerwine on my white sheets.
98) Wax an old man's back.
99) Sleep through my classes.
100) Make this list when I'm supposed to be studying.
