So you've found a special someone, or you've found someone whose breath doesn't scare you, or you've found someone, or you've found the perfect dating simulator, and you're ready to take the plunge into the dating world. Don't worry, it's completely natural to be nervous, just remember, your date is just as nervous as you or is a video game and follow these easy to remember tips!
1. Don't assume your date will pay.
Assume, instead, that the two of you will be dining and dashing. Blatant theft is a cheaper date than a picnic and you don't have to deal with those pesky bugs.
2. Bring your phone.
As a show of devotion to your date in our modern era of digital persona, follow them on every single one of their social media platforms while they're watching. This will show your date you really care. Make sure they do the same for you.
3. Bring a date for your date.
Nothing will give you a warmer feeling than playing cupid with your date. This is especially helpful if you found your date on Tinder or another online source, you'll know all their interests and you'll easily be able to find them a perfect match.
4. Show off your mad Tic-Tac-Toe skills.
It's surprisingly easy to win at tic-tac-toe, just star by placing your X in the bottom right corner, wait for them to make their probably-pointless move, take the top right corner, they'll place their O in the center right slot, take either of the remaining corners and watch them squirm with frustration when they realize whatever move they make will ensure your victory. This will prove to your date that you are truly worthy of their attention because you are so smart.
5. Leave a Tip.
Don't ever forget to leave a tip. At dinner? Leave a tip before you dine and dash. At a picnic? Leave some money for the ants. Did you go paint balling? Tip your opponents. Out for a stroll? Just throw handfuls of money at everyone you see.
6. Write and recite a poem about their heroic actions in WWII.
Everyone with an inkling of romance loves historically fictitious epic poetry starring them fighting alongside Mad Jack.
7. Have a bought of extreme social anxiety and end up canceling the whole thing and later regret it but not know how to reconcile the whole thing so you try to forget it but it doesn't work and you have to wait until you find someone else to try again with but it never works out.
Who hasn't done this a few times, ha ha.
8. Get married.
Just do it, get it over with, and eventually fall in love with the person you married.
9. If the conversation lulls, pull out your phone, go to their Facebook, and start reading their statuses back to them.
Who doesn't love being reminded of all the great thoughts they've had in the past. Be sure to go all the way back to middle school. Oh, nostalgia.
10. Steal them the gosh darn sun.
Just take it. Who's going to stop you? NASA's funding is too low and you're too small of a non-government organization for anyone else to notice. Just go up there and grab it. It's yours. While you're at it, take over the moon. There's very little military resistance, and people have been throwing flags on it for decades. Establish a base, start training troops, develop better technology and eventually, repopulate Mars in your dates image. Clone them a thousand times over and make each clone the governor of a different martian state. Secede from the union. Tell the EU you have no interest in joining them, take over the rest of the galaxy in a similar manor. Turn Earth's second moon into a spy base, see the incoming invasion before any one else, and use your massive clone armada to save your date's home planet. You are the galactic director with a PhD in Romance. They'll be sure to agree to a second date.
