As you sit in front of a pile of textbooks, paper scattered across the floor and your laptop expelling hot air on your lap, a drip of sweat trickles down from your forehead, causing your body to flare — you thought it was a fly. You can almost hear the clock on your computer ticking away (despite its digital format) and suddenly it occurs to you: you’ve made a mistake. The first semester was easy: rudimentary classes, an English requirement you more or less took in high school, a few essays here and there and a handful of worksheets to fill grade gaps. But this semester is less of a walk in the park and more of a jog through the Sahara, and in a matter of weeks, you’ve found yourself choking on desert air (or, much rather, deadlines). But no worries, the Queen of Stress is here today to tell you about a few simple ways to let those weights off your shoulder so you can fly through this semester.
1. Stay Hydrated
DRINK WATER: This sounds like something your high school health teacher might have lectured, I know. And while it's seemingly unrelated to schoolwork and test prep, your body uses water like a lubricant, and so the more water you take in- the more you have to pee, yes- but also your body functions all the more smoothly. Not to mention, when living on a diet of prepackaged snacks and boxed macaroni and cheese, your sodium intakes are higher than that of the Red Sea, and unfortunately chasing your chips with a canned Starbucks energy drink is not going to help balance those Na levels.
2. Keep Your Syllabi Handy
We've all played the "when's that due?" game, and the outcome is more often than not one of shock, upset, and late night sessions on Wikipedia "researching" for that midterm paper. And while your syllabus may not have a built in Daily Planner, your smartphone most definitely does, and what better source of information on due dates is there than the literal list of assignments handed to you at the beginning of the semester? Yes, they are imperfect and will often be shifted to accommodate the class' pace and interests, but they are still rich with information and should be utilized.
3. Give That Deadline A Rain Check (If You Can)
This is not to say that you should hand in your essays whenever the heck you want. However, if your teachers all simultaneously assigned BAHA (Big A** Homework Assignments) on the same night and you get called into work and suddenly you find yourself speaking in run-on sentences because you don't know how it is all of your teachers can expect so much of you but at the same time your one teacher does accept late work with only a 10-point deduction for each day it's late — UTILIZE IT. Spend the next day really giving that homework the ole' college try (no, but really, try), and chances are your grade will be better than it would've been written on construction paper at 2 in the morning with Crayola markers, the words on the page melding into one another as your mind became physically incapable of writing about the Great Depression.
4. Give Yourself Some TLC
Often times, we find ourselves trying to complete tasks with little to no care for them. We are tired, we are a little thirsty, and all our mind can think about is what's going to happen to Dr. Wilson on the next episode of "House" you have queued to play on Netflix. And while the deadlines appear to be building a great padded wall around your sanity, causing it to dwindle with every passing update from your school email, the best thing to do is probably slip out of your day clothes into some overworn jammies, make yourself a tall glass of hot chocolate, and watch the heck out of that Medical Drama. Because chances are, after your brain's taken that long, oxygenating and very well-deserved breath, you'll be able to namaste on task and get that homework done.
5. Have Fun With Seemingly Boring Work
If you've ever found yourself muttering "Jesus Christ" under your breath as you read that within the next month you'll be expected to independently read a Shakespeare play, then this is the piece of advice for you. Have fun with the considerably boring. If you go into a movie thinking "this movie is going to be trash according to the reviews" then chances are you're not going to get anything out of it. Same applies to reading assignments and classes- the more negative your mindset, the less open you'll be to enjoying it. Sure, the romance of Triolus and Cressida is hardly comparable to drama between your two favorite "Grey's Anatomy" characters, but it's drama nonetheless. And with a little bit of determination, the world of Biology can be just as cool as "Game of Thrones," and just as weird as your cousin's Instagram.
6. Don't Buy Into Our Coffee Shop Capitalist Society
There's nothing more stressful than a low balance in a bank account. You thought you'd be able to get through the whole semester without buying your Intro to Computers book, however Week 3's online homework gets posted and the question reads "Respond to Page 73." Suddenly Google can no longer step in and save the day, and while it would be ideal to purchase and instantaneously download your textbook, your bank statement has other plans that are more in the thirty dollar range. Lesson learned: spend your money wisely. Don't spend your money on Venti Green Tea Lattes from your favorite coffee and croissant eatery/cafe (even if the long-haired, mustachioed fellow at the counter may be your future husband), but instead save that $4 a day and put it towards your textbooks, groceries, and essentials (or, perhaps, a wedding dowry?).
7. Buy Good Pens
This one is a game changer: nothing helps to keep the ball rollin' like a good ballpoint pen. The way that ink just flows right out of that plastic tube, honey, it's almost sexy. Good stationary is a gift you should be giving yourself every semester, because a dried up stinky pen can lead to frustration which can lead to stress, which can lead into something of a horror scene: red ink oozes down the wall as you lay face first into a pillow, drowning in a sea of papers, that song from Alfred Hitchcock's "Psycho" playing softly in the background. Save yourself the morbidity, and buy the $6 pens and laminated folders.
8. Don't Forget to Talk to Your Family (Feel Familiar)
College can be incredibly isolating. Nobody is in quite the same classes as you, following quite the same path as you, or feeling quite the same stresses as you.
You become your own personalized profile of problems:
Doria Wohler
Height: 5'10"
Weight: Fluctuating between spaghetti and linguine
Eyes: Blue
Stresses: Always undercooks pasta, can't manage to properly format her MLA citations, has problems with the way her Religion teacher pronounces art- 'aht.'
Suddenly there's nobody there to share your grievances with who truly cares, but then you remember those familiar faces back home, be it the ones you grew up with or the ones that birthed you "from their loins" (and will never let you forget how painful it was). Believe it or not, your family probably misses you, the sound of your voice, they miss your messes and they miss your mishaps. So share with them what's happening in your life, and it'll probably make both ends of the telephone line feel a little better.
9. GO OUTSIDE
Understandably, in most areas of the Northeast, it's a level of cold comparable to Antarctica, so such a request might seem sadistic. But if you have the perseverance of a Polar Bear or the convenience of not living in the Northeast Pole, go outside and get some fresh air. Breathe air that isn't contaminated with Dorito particles and anxiety. Let the rich oxygen of free-flowing air pierce the drought of your mind, and take some time to refresh. Believe it or not, whether you're dorming or you're in an apartment, the hot air flowing from your heater is probably contaminated with god knows what, and the stuffiness of it all can add to your stress. Bear the cold, and while doing so allow your mind to take a literal chill pill.
10. Always Be Your #1 Fan
The last thing the mind of a college student needs is self-deprecation. As if your teachers, over-expecting parents, and online GPA calculator don't already make you feel like crud, the last thing you need is to add your own self-destroying opinions to the equation. Unless you're literally not doing your work, try to remind yourself that you're doing what you can with what you got up there, and even the greatest of minds felt stress at times. There is plenty worse in the world that you can be a negative Nelly about, so instead of thinking of yourself as the worst, think of yourself at 32nd to worst behind the likes of Donald Trump's cabinet, Fruit Punch Vitamin Water, and those fish that swim up your derrière and eat your insides. This should make you feel a little better. You are strong, you are pursuing what many people can't, and most importantly you woke up this morning and made an effort to be a functioning member of society- so at the very least you got that going for you.