1. You Eat Things You Had No Idea Were Edible
Trading in your home cooked meals for frozen fish, garden vegetables and 'I think those are supposed to be mashed potatoes' never seemed so hard. There's a pretty good chance whatever the dining hall is feeding you is equivalent to a women's prison. Maybe that's why we all hoard snacks in our dorm rooms where our inmates, I mean, roommates, can't find them.
2. You Swap A Queen Size For An Uncomfortable Bed
This speaks for itself. In prison, everyone is given the same beat-up bed frame with a mattress pad that's definitely seen some better days. In college, that same exact setup is disguised with a nice duvet and a throw pillow or two. Don't be fooled, the housing department definitely models their interior decorating after the bunks in OITNB.
3. You Meet The Roommate You Love
Yes! Finally someone weird like you (but not as weird as the other girl that just moved in). In both a correctional facility and a dorm, having allies is key. Someone to keep you sane, have your back and tell all of your gossip to. You might be scared to be in a new terrifying place, but your roommate best friend will always be there for you whether it's in the slammer or in the study lounge.
4. You Meet The Roommate You Hate
Yeah, the random roommate you hadn't envisioned in your dream dorm life. She's there and she isn't leaving any time soon. Maybe you hate her cause she's loud or gross, maybe you hate her cause she sits awake at night and watches you sleep. This girl is single-handedly making your already tough living situation worse. At this point, Crazy Eyes might be a better roommate.
5. You Get To Experience The Community Bathroom
Oh the joy of having your therapeutic shower time ripped from your very hands! The thing about community bathrooms is that there are really no rules. That sounds fun, until you realize people don't feel the need to flush a toilet, clean up their hair or wipe up the puddle in front of the sink that you just put your phone in. Some shower stalls are worth fighting over, maybe not prison fighting over, but definitely worth a slap or two.
6. You Form A Relationship With Your RA or um.. Parol officer?
When it comes to OITNB, nothing is funnier than the fact that Officer Healy is supposed to be helpful and ends up providing the least help. I think that's what housing looks for when they hire an RA. You're supposed to be able to talk with this person like a friend, but instead of siding with you, they usually side with the man. They're never around when you truly need them and it seems as though one day they're consoling you and the next, you're getting written up or thrown in solitary confinement.
7. You Find The Silver Lining In An Otherwise Depressing Place
So you and hundreds of other people are shacked up in tiny cinder block cells, how do you manage to not go crazy? To have a little fun! Turn up the music, order a pizza and scream all of the words to your favorite Disney movies. At the end of the day, we're all in college/prison for a serious reason, but there will always be ample time for a little singing and dancing with your friends.
8. You Learn How To Respect Personal Space
The number one prison rule is probably to not touch anyone else's stuff. If you're wise, you follow this rule in college too. My Keurig is my Keurig and if you want to use it, you better ask. Nothing is worse than when someone moves your belongings or eats your last bag of chips behind your back. Sharing is something we all can and should do, just respect people's personal space or you might wake up to your roommate mending her toothbrush into a shank.
9. You Lose All Peace And Quiet
Remember when you had your own room where no one bothered you and you could actually hear yourself think? Those days are long gone. It's your annoying neighbor knocking on your door when you clearly want nothing to do with her, your RA coming for inspections or some girls shrieking in the hallway about how they literally can't even. Prison has no personal space, and college is no different.
10. You Experience Separation Anxiety From Pets
This just might be the number one reason why prison is like a dorm. You can't bring your pets. Pets are great because they provide cuteness and emotional support without ever talking back to you, so it only makes sense that while you're suffering in your room, you can't have your dog there. Maybe you'll buy a fish that you'll neglect, or pull a prison-like smuggling operation and harbor a small furry animal in your closet. A place without pets is a prison to me.
