Let's get some things straight. Take everything that I say with a grain of salt. This is not a complete truth and just because Taylor and I came up with these, it doesn't mean that it applies to every "f*ckboy", let alone every guy. Guys are people, and people are not all the same. I think the same can be said about some girls, if you're a guy just change what I say to women, although it won't fit perfectly.
I'd like to define my definition of f*ckboy. It's a guy that is not ready for a serious relationship, and they have yet to realize when something is a problem versus their own insecurity. It doesn't mean that they aren't capable of getting in a serious relationship, I just mean that they have a lot of growing to do before then, and sometimes they are in serious relationships. Kind of like the training you do before a marathon, f*ckboys are the in the training phase. Also, the difference between a f*ckboy and a successful f*ckboy is-- even though they have thousands of women's attention they chose to give it to you.
Some people get caught up in the money aspect, and they never truly see the guy behind the success. Obviously being able to go out to nice restaurants is ideal, but does he like country? What did he want to be when "he grew up"? Is he the oldest or youngest, middle? What is his mom like? Liking f*ckboys are one thing, liking successful f*ckboys adds a whole other level.
I personally like dating f*ckboys, because like them I am working through my insecurities, and I like the mind games. I like being called out and over analyzed, and I want to know how to read them; I also have very toxic f*ckboy tendencies, so being around them makes me see my own faults more clearly. I've felt ashamed for the longest, because I know it's not socially acceptable to admit you like f*ckboys, but here I am. Once I talked to Taylor, I actually felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I have a problem where I deny the truth and my true intentions because I'm afraid they are "wrong", and it's usually because, by societal norms it's wrong to do those things. Fuck that, I'm no longer trying to hide how I feel or what I want just because someone may think I'm shallow or materialistic, if they want to think that, go ahead. I'm finally starting to build my confidence and the lies people assume no longer rub me the wrong way.
I made this as a light way to acknowledge some f*ckboy behavior. For anyone that is going through this and feels unsupported or judged, it's okay. I know some of you are going to roll your eyes and think that I'm just advocating toxic behavior, and it's not true. Shaming people just because you don't agree or would personally not do something, is very detrimental. I hope that I can create an environment and a space for discussion and understanding. Hopefully we can slowly acknowledge that we are human and we don't have to be ashamed for growing and learning and choosing our own paths, no matter how "wrong" someone else may think it is.
1. He's never going to tag you in pics
Who's supposed to tag who first? In heterosexual American culture, it's usually the girl that tags the guy first, but what if he's famous/verified? If you have no idea what to do you have two options: play games, or be upfront about it.
If you chose to play games, post pictures that don't really show his face and it looks like any random guy, and don't tag him, give him a taste of his own medicine. If you're in the talking stages let him know you have options, but don't try to push his buttons and make him jealous, there's a difference. Keep him on his toes, but don't post dumb shit that makes your thirst trap too obvious. I hate when I'm scrolling through Insta and I see a girl's post, and I'm like, "damn, who played you this time?".
You can tell a person is single because of all the thirst traps they post and they are more active on social media. When they're in a relationship, they post less or only post their significant other. And then when they break up, they delete all the pics. Not to be a f*ckboy but... this is why I don't post pictures with guys in the first place. I'm pretty sure this is the same mentality behind some guys. Like why would I post pics with the person I'm with, because if it doesn't workout I'm just going to have to delete them? I also don't think I want to be the type of person to keep my exes on my profile, so I avoid the problem by not posting them.
Or, you can just be honest. I finally have the balls to be honest, and me and Minnesota talked about this. The topic was brought up because thankfully we both think long distance relationships are stupid, and since we're far we both agreed to not make shit weird and complicated by trying to text each other everyday and be annoying and run out of things to talk about. Then I told him how I felt about pictures. He told me, "yeah I hate when girls are like, why won't you post a picture with me". I've only had two guys ask me that, and the more they told me to post a picture of us, the more I didn't want to.
Ask your successful f*ckboy what his standard is, and how he feels about tagging girls/guys. I know it's a little different because the guys Taylor and I are talking about have over a million followers, so it also falls into, when you date or a just having sex with someone that powerful they always low-key think you are just using them, AND THAT IS THEIR INSECURITY SIS!
Never ever, ever ever, ever, EVER, let his insecurity make you think that is true! I know this, because this guy thought I was going to take a picture of him at any moment and blast it all over social media or something. I felt him thinking that so hard that I started to question it myself. So what I do? I grabbed my phone, and put it face up right in front of him. I think that made him feel more comfortable. You don't have to do that, just remember that no matter how tough they look, they have insecurities too.
2. He's not going to have time for you
Successful f*ckboys have a demanding career, and most of the time they are going to chose their careers over time with you, and this is especially true in the early 20s age group. If he's in his late 20s, he's probably all set by now and doesn't need to grind as hard, so he'll have more time. If he's younger, then the grind has just started.
Stop taking it personal. One time I wanted to go to formal with this guy and he had an opportunity to go to Russia for his Jewish group. He was scared to tell me because he knew how much planning I had done for this. The dress I order was from London.
He started off by saying: hey so the date of your formal is also the date of.... My heart sunk to my butt and I fucking balled my eyes out. I had literally been starving myself preparing for this shit and he tells me 2 weeks before? After I calmed down I realized that, off course I want him to go to Russia! I'm so happy for him, and honestly I wish I could go too. I texted him, literally so sad but told him that he'd be stupid if he didn't go to.
That was the last time I ever allowed myself to get that excited over an event. I know it sounds dramatic, but I literally put all my eggs in his basket and they all broke. I mean, I could have invited someone else, but I liked him a lot at the time, so I didn't.
You have to support him, and I have issues with this. I just don't want to support a guy's career because I want my own. And I'm deeply terrified to support him, just to be left or cheated on. Like, can you imagine helping a guy grow his career just to be replaced? Oh hell no. This fear makes me want to be an equal and be as busy as the guys I date. If he has more free time than me, then I don't want it, unless he's older.
You need to figure out if he's the type of guy that cares if your life is his career. A lot of the blogs you find say that the wife becomes part of the team, and I don't want that, and it's okay if you do; you just need to figure out what it is you want. I want to still pursue my dreams and career. Call me naive, but I don't think it's fair that one has to give up their dreams over the other. I think it's time to find a balance.
3. You need to have your own life
I'm saying this the nicest way possible and I'm not trying to say this is in any condescending way. There are some girls that are well off, and live off their parents money. They go to college to get an "education", but honestly it's a husband. They sit around super pretty just waiting to be wifed up, and they are housewife material. Some guys love that! And if you want that, it's totally okay! Some of my friends are such housewives and they love it! They know that they would never want to work, and you need to figure that out for yourself.
For the other girls that wear the pants in the relationship this is for you: you need to have your own life that does not depend on him. First you need to figure out what type of guy he is. Does he want a to take care of you financially or share the expenses? I have a fat ego, so I would rather eat ass before not having my own income.
My biggest insecurity is having a guy think that "he owns me" because he provides for me. Not all guys are like this though, some will pay for your things without expecting you to be a certain way, but they are rare and few and honestly with the wrong girl. I get off form being equal, so naturally I love being able to grind as hard as him, if not harder. I like to wear the pants sometimes. You need to have your own life and that means: your own money, own friends, own personality. Some guys will notice if you only start hanging out with his friends, and if you don't have friends of your own. Naturally you both will start to use each other's mannerism, but if you start acting like him more than he acts like you, you need to reel it back.
4. You need to be yourself
Consider this: you're going to swim with sharks and you are bleeding. No seriously, successful f*ckboys have A LOT of practice, therefore they are able to read your insecurities like a script. You need to be 100% yourself, because they can tell when you are not; and subconsciously they will categorize you as "not gf material". The moment you try to be someone you're not they can tell, and you've just become "another girl trynna f*ck".
Okay the cutest moment I had with the only famous guy I've had sex with once, was: this was before he was drafted, so back then I had no idea how much he was going to blow up, more than he already did. I asked him who he wanted to be drafted by, and he gave me the most generic answer like, "I was in Boston last week on their stadium".
TD garden? Yeah I know, I was just there. That's not really what I asked you though, but if you don't want to tell me because you feel like you'll jinx it, I understand. And in that moment, he could have lied to me, but he didn't. Because I wasn't playing games, I would respect him either way, just needed to let him know that I wasn't buying his bullshit. He looked at my bed and then at me, and he told me. We had a moment. I told him he was going to get it, and fast forward to the draft, he did.
In that moment when he got what he wanted, it made me realize that I want the same. I want to get into the grad school that I want, and I want to better represent minorities.
5. Research what you're up against
Okay, this is going to sound weird, but if you want this to be a serious thing and have a future with a successful f*ckboy, you need to know what you're up against. I'm the type of girl that made a quizlet for my sorority's history; Mabelle May Minton, Julia Bishop, and Alfa Lloyd am I right? As a rule of thumbs I research everything. If I'm going to a concert or a new date I like to read blogs about people's past experience to get myself in the right mindset. This is no different. For example, NFL, NBA, NHL, and MLB all have different cultures. If we are speaking stereotypes, we've all seen the first season of The Real Housewives of ATL, when Lisa says that NFL and NBA wives are different. According to her, NFL wives are overachievers, while NBA wives don't do much.
I did some research and this is what I found: NFL marriages last and are less likely to get cheated on and divorce than any other sport. As for the NBA, with a woo-ping 87% divorce rate, let that sink in. Do your research. If jock is not your type, it's okay, there are so many guys and so many careers, finance is another scary one. Whoever you like just make sure to know what their job culture is and stereotype. You need to have a good head on your shoulders to deal with these guys. Most pro athletes will be bankrupt 5 years after retirement, so if they are not financially smart, that's were you need to shine. If your guy is in business he will know how to save, and already started planning how to retire by 30, so what you need to contribute is teaching him how to take care of himself. Often time business guys aren't good at "treating themselves", and this is where you come in. Give him bubble baths and back massages.
6. Have a positive mindset
PLEASE TAKE THIS WITH A GRAIN OF SALT!! When I say, "a positive mind", I do not mean, be in denial. What I mean is that you cannot assume the worst. Here's what happened to me:
The moment he got drafted my heart sunk to my butt and I wrote him a letter. I hope I can find it, I know I have it somewhere. I was sad because I knew he was about to have so many girls on him, but why was I feeling this way? I wasn't shit, and I was just some girl in Chicago. Fast forward to 3 months later when I'm in Colombia and he texts me, I was so excited I thought he'd forgotten about about me. The point is, sometimes shit will hurt and your insecurities and negative thoughts will get the best of you. When that happens you need to remember that you are human and so are they. You live in two actually different worlds, and it's up to you if you're going to let those insecurities ruin your ability to treat him like a person.
Stop comparing yourself to his exes, I mean if it helps you, go for it. But I promise you, 99% of the time, it doesn't fucking help!!
7. F*ck your trust issues
The more I stayed with the guy that cheated on me, the more I resented him and the more it bled onto my next relationships. If you've been hurt in the past, you need to find a way to get through it, and realize that the new guy is not your old guy. No matter how much your mind wants to self sabotage, you can't let it.
Trust issues are the worse and we all have some form of trust issues. With that being said you need to be honest, and realize when he is triggering your insecurities and share that. This is easier said than done, but if you actually want to work through this, it has to be done at your own terms. Just be sure you figure out your terms and share them with your partner.
8. You need to be an expert at communicating, or at bare minimum, better than him
I'm not trying to put this on the girl but think of it this way: girls usually are pretty good at talking about their feelings. Guys don't usually share much, even with their guy friends, and this is a fucked up culture in which we've all been at fault. We need to stop treating men like they are damaged and incapable of expressing themselves emotionally. Yes, we have the upper hand, but don't start belittling him or talk to him with frustration. I get it, it's frustrating, but help him grow, don't shame him.
Minnesota and I had plans, and he was being so short it was pissing me off. I'm pretty sure he could tell, but I was trying to keep it cool. It was like 2 hours before he was supposed to pick me up. Even though I wanted to see him, I knew he was busy. I sent him the text above.
You need to take control of the situation. What is it that you want? Are you getting it, what's stopping you from getting what you want? You need to be very clear when you communicate with him, and leave no room for assumptions. If he's not communicating with you it's probably because he doesn't know how to. Maybe he wants to hang out, but he's busy, or maybe he doesn't. If he doesn't, don't take it personal. You need to approach this from his perspective, not yours. Is he okay? Could he have had a bad day? Is there something bothering him? You can't just assume he has other hoes, because he will get tired of that real quick, trust me, STOP IT.
When I feel like being crazy, I start typing in my notes. I cool off and try to do something else and rewrite a different draft, until I'm able to say how I feel without accusing him of anything.
9. Stop doubting yourself
Why do you feel like you have to prove that you're worth it? He already chose to speak to you, out of all the girls on his DMs and he's giving you his time. Why bring up other girls? I'm talking form experience when I say:
Whenever I meet a new guy, and before I drop my hoes for him, I have to be honest with myself. I don't expect to get along with guys on the first date. I don't want to get hurt so I just put my walls up, and see how it goes. Therefore, I will talk to other guys while talking to you. Once I feel confident in us, then I'll drop my other hoes. Got it?
It's the same for him, it's the same for everyone. We all got hoes, and once we are with someone we actually like, we stop talking to everyone else. This is the exact reason I like f*ckboys, because of all the options, I'm one of them. People worry so much that they have to be the only one, but don't be a hypocrite, you know we all have our DMs full of people we string along.
10. Surround yourself with girlfriends that understand and aren't jealous
I've felt unsupported a couple of times. One was clearly jealous, and it made me feel really sad and insecure. If you know me, you know I'm not confident at all. Now that I'm trying to be confident, I need overly confident guys to teach me the ways. I guess it hurt because I know I'm not like that, and the fact that you're supposed to be my friend, and you're supposed to know me. You're supposed to know that I would never do something like that, and even if I did, why shame me?
I don't know, girls are weird, I hate being a girl sometime because I know how insecure I can be, and I'm sorry if I've ever hurt you out of being insecure :( The best way to feel supported is by your girls. Make sure you surround yourself with girls that either understand or are on the same path as you. Talking to successful f*ckboys is hard enough, make sure you have a good support system to talk to.