Oh, frat parties. They can be fun, horrible, or so horrible they are fun. No matter what kind of frat party you go to there is always going to be three things: drinking, DJing and dancing. Now before I start this list of the ten types of dancers, I would just like to say that you don't have to be just one of these. I am all of them. Well except for number 2. But you'll learn why.
1. The Twerker That Can't Twerk
I am a guy that likes to try to twerk. I am not afraid to admit it, but I am also not afraid to say that I have no ass and have no ability to twerk. My twerking is all shoulders, no ass involved. Have you ever tried to make yourself look hot by rolling your shoulders? Do you know how hard it is to make someone fall in love with your ass by doing the spin cycle with your shoulders? Let me tell you through numerous frat parties and failed twerks, it is nearly impossible. This person thinks they can twerk when in reality it looks like this:
Me at frat parties
2. The Pro
We have all seen the dancer at the frat party who has taken a thousand lessons in modern dance and has mastered the art of twerking, dabbing, whipping, nay-nay-ing, and *insert new contemporary dance at the time of reading this article because I am not a good enough dancer to be aware of the hottest dance moves.* This person makes everyone else on this list feel like they need another drink.
The guy I wanna be.
3. The Grinder
Storytime: one time I tried to grind on my friend and ended up falling over and I twisted my ankle. This dance is dangerous. So, to all of my fellow grinders out there, bless your souls for doing God's work. We are the life of the party, even though I have become the twerker who can't twerk, I once was in this struggle. The grinder is someone who is offering the booty, or in my case lack thereof, and therefore is leading the modern tango. And as most dances, it takes two to tango.
I am the girl in this photo and the guy at the same time
4. The Grindee
The partner to the grinder is the grindee, the person who receives the booty. Easily one of the easiest dancers to be. Partly because there is not a lot of effort on this person. All they gotta do is follow the booty that is leading them in several directions. Now this can be a problem for a few reasons. Here is what they have to do to be successful: avoid the boner which can just make everything awkward, know what the limit is in the grinding chain, and most importantly, don't do this in front of the Eiffel Tower.
5. The Person Who Doesn't Dance
Now we've come to someone who is interesting. The person who doesn't dance comes in several varieties, but the main one is the wallflower. You know that person who might have just come for some drinks, who was dragged to the party, or just simply doesn't dance. There are a lot of reasons why there is a person who doesn't dance, but one thing is certain, some of them will end up as number 10.
Refuse to dance.
6. The Swayer
We've all been the swayer. The person who just kind of rocks side to side, the person who has a good time just with their eyes closed moving left to right with no care in the world. This might not be classified as dancing, well to be honest most of these won't be classified as dancing, but in the world of drinks and frat parties and regretful Sunday mornings filled with hangovers, it is dancing.
This is the best image I could find for swaying, I am sorry I am not good enough
7. The Obvious Drunk
This is the person who thinks that anything can be a dance move. You know who I am talking about, the person who makes daily activities into the newest dab. This person is soooo drunk that they do strange spasms in their arms and legs and call it dancing. Another variation of this type of dancer comes in the swaying, but this type of swaying is like when SpongeBob says "bring it around town" and goes in a 360 creating an area of drunken space for dancing.
This is my area of drunken space, no one enter it.
8. The Singer + Dancer
Oh boy. Okay let me start off by saying something first: I have been and always will be this person. The Singer + Dancer is someone who is trying to be Queen Bey. But as we all know there is no replication of Beyonce. This is the person who hears their favorite song and goes "Oh my God let's dance!" Or if they drunk they say "ohmygodletsdanceilovethissongandyou" But because they love the song they also try to sing it, causing the lungs to have a bit of a breakdown.
Apparently the stanky leg is still relevant
9. The Exerciser
I would lie and say that I have been to the gym recently and seen people working out but like I said I have no ass, and I have no ass for a reason. However, I have been to the gym (believe it or not it was to use the bathroom) and there are certain machines that look awfully familiar to some of the dance moves. I am not talking about Zumba Class dance moves. I am talking about the shoulder-press dancers, the squatters (in a literal sense), the dumbbell lifters. When you go to a frat party look at those with the chiseled muscles and see how they dance. You'll notice one or two things from their shoulder day in their dance routine.
Still a better dancer than me
10. The Person Who Got Caught In The Middle
Nothing is scarier than being in the middle of a circle of people dancing. Why? Because two things can happen: one you might be getting grinded on, humped on, and feel the sweat of every single person around you like you're in a sauna. Second, you are expected to dance. But how can you dance with no room? What are you supposed to do the neck roll or the shoulder-blade dance? This is usually the person who had no intention of dancing that just got caught in the middle. Worst case scenario? Freshman who's sober at first frat party stuck in the middle of a bunch of strangers with no way out for the three minute and twenty-one second song.
I am never this happy when I am stuck in the middle
