10 Thoughts You've Probably Had During A Hot Bath

10 Thoughts You've Probably Had During A Hot Bath

Let's be honest: baths are kind of overrated.
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Have you ever been looking forward to a bath all day, only to get in and realize, as much as you hate to admit it, it's really not all that great? I have, pretty much every time. Maybe it's just because I'm a very anxious person and have a hard time relaxing, but every time I take a bath, I inevitably have most, if not all, of these thoughts.

1. This is going to be so relaxing!

Warm, sudsy water? Check. Magazine? Check, but I don't really feel like holding it up to actually read it. Phone off and away? No, this is a bath, not a form of torture.

2. Now what?

OK, I've been sitting here for five minutes flipping through my magazine and I'm starting to get bored. Also, the water is getting cold and this is honestly not as great as they make it look on TV and in the movies.

3. There's soap scum everywhere.

How?! I just scrubbed this tub last week!

4. Was that a text?

I know this is supposed to be my time to relax and 'disconnect' but I can't remember if that was my text or email notification noise. I'll just take a quick peek, I won't answer anyone...

5. This water is probably filthy.

I guess at the end of this bath I should rinse off and take a shower because technically I'm just sitting in my own dirty water now, right? But then what was the point of the bath?

6. This is actually super stressful.

I thought this was supposed to be relaxing, but all I can think about is how I don't think I'm doing this right and now I'm just stressing out about how I shouldn't be stressing out.

7. Where is my damn towel?


How did I forget to bring a towel? Now I have to make a mad dash to the linen closet and face the freezing cold air outside the tub.

8. Eh, shaving's out.

The little bits of stubble will just go to the bottom of the tub and sit there and that's gross, so I think I'll just skip shaving. Again.

9. What was that noise?

I know I just heard a noise. I'm pretty sure I locked the front door but now I'm second-guessing myself and I don't want to be attacked in my tub, with a week's worth of stubble on my legs.

10. I prefer showers, sorry not sorry.

This really wasn't relaxing, it was torture trying not to look at my phone, I don't feel clean, and all this peace and quiet is freaking me out and making me overthink everything. I'll stick to showers.

Cover Image Credit: Unsplash

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I Weigh Over 200 Lbs And You Can Catch Me In A Bikini This Summer

There is no magic number that determines who can wear a bikini and who cannot.
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It is about February every year when I realize that bikini season is approaching. I know a lot of people who feel this way, too. In pursuit of the perfect "summer body," more meals are prepped and more time is spent in the gym. Obviously, making healthier choices is a good thing! But here is a reminder that you do not have to have a flat stomach and abs to rock a bikini.

Since my first semester of college, I've weighed over 200 pounds. Sometimes way more, sometimes only a few pounds more, but I have not seen a weight starting with the number "1" since the beginning of my freshman year of college.

My weight has fluctuated, my health has fluctuated, and unfortunately, my confidence has fluctuated. But no matter what, I haven't allowed myself to give up wearing the things I want to wear to please the eyes of society. And you shouldn't, either.

I weigh over 200lbs in both of these photos. To me, (and probably to you), one photo looks better than the other one. But what remains the same is, regardless, I still chose to wear the bathing suit that made me feel beautiful, and I'm still smiling in both photos. Nobody has the right to tell you what you can and can't wear because of the way you look.

There is no magic number that equates to health. In the second photo (and the cover photo), I still weigh over 200 lbs. But I hit the gym daily, ate all around healthier and noticed differences not only on the scale but in my mood, my heart health, my skin and so many other areas. You are not unhealthy because you weigh over 200 lbs and you are not healthy because you weigh 125. And, you are not confined to certain clothing items because of it, either.

This summer, after gaining quite a bit of weight back during the second semester of my senior year, I look somewhere between those two photos. I am disappointed in myself, but ultimately still love my body and I'm proud of the motivation I have to get to where I want to be while having the confidence to still love myself where I am.

And if you think just because I look a little chubby that I won't be rocking a bikini this summer, you're out of your mind.

If YOU feel confident, and if YOU feel beautiful, don't mind what anybody else says. Rock that bikini and feel amazing doing it.

Cover Image Credit: Sara Petty

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Me Vs. Food: My Secret Battle With Eating Disorders

Shedding light on a silenced issue
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Eating disorders around this country are spiraling out of control, but not all disorders are able to be seen. Sure, you may be able to tell that someone is underweight or someone is eating too much, but by looking at my own picture, would you be able to tell that I switch between restriction of food and purging? I don’t think so.

Since February of this year, 2018, I have had a silent battle with food. In the beginning, I would restrict myself from eating at all and would limit myself to no more than 500 calories per day. That battle persisted until everyone started noticing I wasn’t eating and was losing weight, so that’s when my battle with a different kind of disorder began.

I started eating more so that everyone around me would stop asking me questions and forcing me to eat when I clearly didn’t deserve that. Therefore, I began eating and engaging in purging activities to eliminate that food from my body. I still maintained my weight, but I stopped losing weight like I had been before, and that was my only goal.

No one ever knew about this secret battle of mine. I consistently told others that I just wasn’t feeling well, it was a side effect of a medication, or I’d just completely lie and tell them that I had eaten that day. The reality is that there is a reason why I began this battle with these difficult eating disorders.

At first, I struggled with eating because I believed I didn’t deserve food. I believed that the pains of hunger from not eating for days was what I had deserved for being who I am. I can’t lie and say that this still isn’t a partial reason why I still struggle with this today, but that reason has gone behind another very strong, loud one.

In the middle of April, as I started leaving the past behind me, I met a guy that I thought was going to make my life so much better. This was the truth until I started finding myself becoming an entirely different person because of him. The only real reason I even started seeing him was because I believed that that’s what I needed to keep other things off of my mind; a man.

The reality is that after only a couple of weeks, I started receiving messages from him telling me that I should only ever find myself in public if I looked “good” and that whenever I had time off work I should find myself only with or talking to him. Nothing else. He’s told me directly something that I will never be able to take off of my mind for as long as I live. He said to me:

“Look, I don’t feel like claiming you. Maybe if you just lost more weight, wore different clothes, or changed your body more, you’d be more attractive to me and then I’d claim you. But right now, you’re not good enough.”

When I got this message, it was a sure sign to me that I clearly needed to do something about my body. This is when I started engaging in purging behaviors, though I kept eating to ensure no one would ask me questions. In addition to this, I tried buying and wearing different clothes, engaging in other behaviors and even started acting very out of my normal.

My point in sharing this information that no one knows at this point, is that I know what it’s like to have to hide feelings and emotional abuse because of a fear of questions or judgements from others. More importantly, I understand what it’s like to have to hide entire disorders because of a fear that others will always have something to say about it. My belief now, though, is that even though this is a battle I still deal with daily, others can say all they want.

My reality now is that I still do speak to this guy and I still do struggle with these harmful eating habits. But what I can’t do anymore is try and pretend like it’s not real because of a fear. My hope is that someone reading this knows that there are other people out in the world with these issues, fighting the same battles.

During this battle, my self-worth is determined entirely by your acceptance of me.

Cover Image Credit: Brianna Gavin

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