February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. It is also the month of Valentine's Day. Valentine's Day is a holiday that is meant to celebrate love between someone, specifically their significant other, but it is also a good time to tell anyone you love them.
For those of you in serious (or not so serious) relationships this February, here are a few things to keep in mind about your relationship.
1. Emotional, physical, and sexual abuse are real.
Your feelings are valid. No one should lay a hand on you. And remember, no means no.
2. "I love you" is not a good enough apology for any abusive situation--even on Valentine's Day.
It can be tempting to fall back into a pattern and routine because they say, "I'm sorry, I love you." It is important to remember that if they laid a hand on you, made you feel awful for no apparent reason, or did something without your complete consent then that "I love you" is not enough.
3. Consistently making someone feel guilty or like something is their fault is considered a sign of emotional abuse.
It takes two people to communicate. Two people to "tango", so to speak. And two people to fix a horrible situation. Not everything is going to be your fault, and not everything is going to be the other person's fault. Although, it is good to note that making someone feel guilty or at fault a lot is not something positive to be around.
4. Making false accusations that are not true, but can damage the relationship and confidence of the other person.
Were you hanging out with your friend? Did your significant other lose their mind over it and falsely accuse you of cheating or something else? It is time time have a conversation. If they will not sit down and have it with you, find someone who will.
5. "I love you, but _______."
There should not really be a "but" at the end of that sentence. If you need to have a conversation with someone you love that might end up being a bit negative, just tell them what needs to be said. When it is all said and done, remind them that you love them, but do not make them feeling like you could stop loving them because of something.
6. "If you loved me you'd ___________"
From my understanding, this typically ends with "have sex with me". Listen, and listen very closely, you do not owe your significant other anything just because you love them. Do not let them, or anyone, guilt you into something by saying this. You love them. If they loved you, they would respect your boundaries. That is love. Respect.
7. You are worthy of love and respect.
Sometimes people get angry and say things that make you feel like you are not worthy. You need to know that you are. You are worthy of all the love in the world. You are worthy of all the respect in the world. No one, not even the love of your life, has the power to decide otherwise. If they make you feel that way, get out. Do not stay in a relationship that makes you feel awful about yourself.
8. An intense amount of jealousy is not cute.
As humans, we get jealous. It is something that is programmed in our being. However, there becomes a moment when it is too much. Sure, a little jealousy here and there is OK--normal, even--but jealousy to the point of negative reactions and controlling behaviors? Not OK. Have a conversation.
9. Communication is key, and if they will not communicate with you...
The biggest tool in a relationship is communication. You cannot have a real, functioning relationship without being able to sit down and talk about it. If they refuse to talk about it, that is a problem.
10. Love is not abuse. Love is not teasing. Love is not a slap on the cheek. Love is not hatred. Love is respect.
This Valentine's Day, remember that love is respect. It is not the teasing that makes you feel bad about yourself and it is not any slap on your body. Love is not hating your significant other in front of your friends to seem "cool". Love is respecting their boundaries. Love is communicating with them. Love is showing how much you care about them and love them in front of those friends.
You all are deserving of so much love, and I hope you remember that this Valentine's Day.
