Ever wondered what's going on in the mind of someone with anxiety? Ever wondered what that look your friend throws you after a comment about their anxiety means? Here's some things we want you to know - it isn't all butterflies and daisies!
1. We know it’s irrational.
And you pointing it out makes us want to never speak to you again, honestly. We are entirely aware that there is no correlation between forgetting last night’s homework and ending up as part of the USA's growing homeless population, BUT IT FEELS LIKE THERE IS. Pointing out that there isn’t won’t magically make the anxiety go away, otherwise it wouldn’t be a problem in the first place!
2. It’s really none of your business.
Bless your heart, I know you’re just trying to be helpful. But if someone doesn’t want to give you information about their anxiety, you aren’t entitled to it. It doesn’t matter if it’s your significant other, your daughter, your brother, your best friend. You aren’t entitled to the inner working of their mind if they don’t want to disclose it to you.
3. If you know about it, we trust you.
That being said, if you know about it, we hold you in high regard. Superman doesn’t go around telling just anyone that Kryptonite is his ultimate weakness. Don’t take that lightly and blab it to anyone and everyone. Even people you think might already know. Sometimes we don’t want our family to know, or our friend group. You may even be the only one who does know, please respect that.
4. We don’t always understand it either.
Look, I don’t understand why touching mushrooms makes me gag either. It’s not always simple. Sometimes it’s clear, trauma is in your past and now similar situations cause great anxiety and panic to swell. But sometimes we are just as confused by the anxiety as you are. Pointing it out is only aggravating and not believing us when we say we don’t know why we’re anxious will only damage our trust in you.
5. They’re called “attacks” for a reason.
A common response to telling someone you’re having a panic attack, or that you’ve just had one is: “Well, why didn’t you say anything before?" We aren’t clairvoyants, we don’t know when they’re going to happen. We can’t just schedule our work break like, “Oh time to go on break for my 12:30 panic attack.”
6. We don’t all deal with anxiety the same way.
Congratulations if you’ve worked out what helps calm your friend down when they’re anxious. That’s major - however, that won’t work for the anxious mess that is your significant other. Some people want to be left alone, some talked to. Some want physical contact, to be cuddled, hugged, etc.; some people will cringe away from you if you reach out for them. You wouldn’t want people assuming you’re the same as someone who has one small similarity to you.
8. If we don’t respond to something you say immediately, we probably aren’t ignoring you.
Sometimes when anxiety is high, our brain looks a bit like that scene from Spongebob where all the little people are running frantically around and everything is on fire. When that’s happening, it takes a longer than normal to process what you’ve said to us and formulate a response. It’s like if you were listening to deafening music no one else can hear, and they were getting mad because you can’t read lips to see what they’re saying to you.
9. You don’t understand.
I don’t care if you have the most horrendous stage fright and were told to get up in front of the whole of Madison Square Garden, you don’t know what it feels like. You feeling anxious before a big event is a whole different world to feeling anxious because your professor paces while he lectures. And it can be insulting when something that affects our everyday life is downgraded to something as minor as eagerly awaiting exam results. You don’t understand, it’s okay, most people wouldn’t expect you to. So please for the love of everything good in the world, DO NOT pretend you do. And when someone points out you don't understand, don't get offended and claim that it's wrong.
10. We know you’re trying.
We know. Reminding us of it is just aggravating and replaced with anything else would seem offensive. “Look I’m trying. I’m trying to deal with your (blue eyes, skin color, sexual orientation, etc.) give me a break here.” That’s just offensive, so why is it okay to say it about a mental illness? Good on you for not ditching someone for something they can’t change, but I’d like to draw your attention to the fact that while you might be “trying to deal with it,” we’re having to actually deal with it 24/7. We can’t “try,” it’s our life!
Please by no means stop trying though. We really do appreciate the effort. You might just be trying a little too hard or a little too little. Just be yourself, we wouldn’t have told you if you weren’t exactly who you are.
Have a good and safe one, friends!
