It has recently come to my attention that I have a hard time accepting who I am. I embrace the simple qualities like my love for journalism and passion for music, but I deny myself the opportunity to fully grasp who I am because I struggle accepting the most complicated aspects of me. I decided that from today forward, I will work to be OK with being me. I am (or trying to be) OK with the following.
1. Being average.
I may never create the next innovative technology or sing to a million people or walk on the moon. I am a normal college kid who is working to getting a degree, starting my career and maybe having a family someday. I don't have outrageous dreams and fantasies. I guess you could call me vanilla, but it doesn't matter what my label is, as long as I am happy.
2. Being angry.
We are only human, and it is OK to be angry. This one was insanely hard for me to accept that I am angry at a lot of people and rightfully so. But realizing this and coming to terms with it was the only way to let it go. Let me tell you, that weight off my chest felt amazing.
3. Having a mental illness.
I have dealt with general anxiety disorder my entire life, and it used to be a huge source of shame and embarrassment for me. In reality, mental illness sucks and will always be difficult to deal with, but no one needs the extra pain it causes when you can't accept it. For me, when I accepted that I have anxiety, I was less reluctant to deal with it and felt like I was more in control of it.
4. Not being the prettiest person in the room.
Somewhere along the line, I got my identity wrapped up in being pretty. I adored dresses when I was a kid and refused to wear pants. Makeup and hair dressing have always been my jam, and I guess I got really caught up in physical appearances. Nothing is wrong with that as long as you don't tie your identity with being the prettiest one in the room and constantly compare yourself to others, which I did. Over the years, I had to learn (and I am still learning) to not compare myself to others and to be confident in who I am as a person.
5. Being nerdy.
Calling a person a nerd is hands down the greatest compliment I can give, and a term of endearment. This is simply due to the fact that I am a nerd at heart and used to hate that about myself. I have come to not only embrace it, but love it. I read history textbooks for fun and write in my spare time. Being nerdy isn't something to be embarrassed about. It just means you prioritize intellectual activities over stupid ones.
6. Not having a perfect body.
My mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was in seventh grade. I felt like my life was really out of control but my body was something I was in charge of. I began to obsessively count calories, exercise and weighed myself multiple times a day. I was unhappy and my anxiety was off the charts. After being skinny and miserable, I discovered that having a perfect body is not only unachievable, it is pure bullshit and I am much happier for it.
7. Having petty thoughts.
I was recently told that having petty thoughts are not only OK but hilarious. It is how you act on them that define your character.
8. Setting boundaries.
Setting boundaries is not the same thing as creating ultimatums. There is no reason to feel guilty for setting up healthy boundaries that are meant to make you a more functional and happier person.
9. Guarding your heart.
I used to feel that in protecting myself, I was hurting other people. In reality, it isn't a good idea to wear your heart on your sleeve. There is no reason to feel guilty or feel as if you are lying to people by keeping some information private. It is simply making you less vulnerable.
10. Being vulnerable.
I get it. It seems like a total contradiction to the one above. However, sometimes I guard my heart too much and don't allow others get to know the real me. I guess we are all like onions and have a million layers or some other crappy cliche like that. My problem is sometimes it seems like my outer shell is made out of steel and I just never let my guard down. In reality, strength comes from vulnerability. We never seem someone being vulnerable and think, "how pathetic!" We think, "How courageous and brave."
We all have struggles. If we are going to be honest with ourselves and admit our flaws, we move forward. How can you truly be happy and content with yourself if you don't understand and embrace your flaws?
