Originally this article was going to be centered around my feelings toward graduation, as I am now an official “high school graduate” as of Monday. But as I started to write what was essentially going to be just a jumbled mess of different ways to say ‘goodbye,’ I got really annoyed with myself. It just felt wrong.
Senior year, especially toward the end, is a really important time for reflection. Instead of focusing on the sentimentality of this so-called ‘ending’ we should try to take some time to fully appreciate what we actually learned from high school. I don't mean those lessons that are taught via lectures, textbooks, standardized tests, etc. No, I’m talking about that real life sh*t that you wish someone had told you about before it happened to you. So instead of writing an essay attempting to articulate my chaotic hot mess of emotions, I have compiled a list of 10 things I learned in high school that you would never find in a textbook.
To the FHC Class of 2016, this one's for you:
1. There is no better offense than no defense.
No one knows what to do when you admit when they are right, when you put your hands up and surrender. They stumble over their words and don’t know where to look.
2. Stop apologizing for what is not your fault.
Personally, I have spent my entire life apologizing to people for "not being enough." I apologize when someone hurts me because hey, maybe I’m overreacting. I apologize when I am honest about who I am because maybe it might make people uncomfortable. My friends, there comes a point when you must stop saying sorry for being too much of yourself. Stop saying sorry for what has happened to you. But more than anything, stop saying sorry for not being enough for somebody.
3. There is no beauty in sadness.
For some reason that I will never understand, our generation has this fascination with the "tragically beautiful" image. However, contrary to popular belief, sadness is not romantic. Sadness is heart-wrenching. Stop contributing to the idea that mental illnesses and certain tragedies are delicate and beautiful. Romanticizing pain is only adding gasoline to a wildfire that has already claimed far too many victims and by allowing yourself to think that your sadness is "artistic" or "sexy" or "aesthetically pleasing" you are preventing yourself from getting better.
4. The only way to move forward is to stop torturing yourself with "what ifs."
I need you to hear me on this one. You did all you could. I know you’re tired of feeling this way and I know it hurts more than you imagined it would, whatever it is. Maybe you think that life would be so much better if you were someone else, that he/she is all the of things that you are not. But you can’t do that to yourself. Maybe you lost a relationship. Maybe you can't stop thinking about what you could have done differently. There is nothing you could have done, I promise. It really, really sucks to accept that, I know. But you have to believe that you will be loved again. Believe that someone will love you in all the ways they couldn’t. And I know that sometimes it feels like you are being punished or that the whole world is against you, but that isn’t how the universe works. So hold your head high and break if you need to, allow yourself to fall to pieces. Cry when you can’t bottle it up anymore. But don’t be afraid to be okay again.
And speaking of crying...
5. Cry.
Despite what "society" will tell you, crying is SO GOOD. Do it! Cry! Let everyone know that it is okay! Do not let children grow up and think that there is an age you must stop crying. Let them cry, allow them to let it all out and move on. Do not teach them to bottle everything up inside. It is okay to cry at age 5, 15, 25, 100. Tell your little brothers and sisters that crying is healthy, that it rejuvenates the soul. Tell your sons and daughters that it is strong and not weak to wear your heart on your sleeve. Tell them. Tell them all.
6. Heartbreak will not kill you!
Take a breath here for a second. In this lifetime, you will get a lot of advice on how to move on, how to forget him/her, how to come out on top. But just for a moment, let’s go back to basics. Breathe. Then sleep, sleep as long as you can, and when you wake up, get something to eat. I don't even care if you aren't hungry, make some damn pancakes. Stay hydrated. Go for a drive/walk/run. But most importantly, find something that makes you happy. Not someone, something. Eventually, day to day tasks will get easier, this I can promise you. All you have to do in the meantime is just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Do this every day and I swear you will get there in the end.
7. Everyone deserves to be happy.
This one is so tricky because I know that despite what I tell you, you still might not believe me. But you know what, sometimes I think that some of us sincerely believe that we don’t deserve a chance, that we don’t deserve to be happy or even to have a shot at finding love. We think that only because love and happiness have been taken away from us so many times, we must not worthy of it. So every opportunity that we are handed at clarity, at a fresh start, we tear it away from our own yearning hands. But in reality, after everything we've been through, we deserve every single chance. Beautiful things that have been broken still deserve a chance to be put back together.
8. It takes time to see that something is good.
Maybe it'll take longer than you have patience for to realize that what once seemed like a curse may be a blessing in disguise. It takes time to realize that your struggles have shaped you. It takes time to become something you can hang up on a wall and admire. Be patient.
9. If someone cannot love you for EXACTLY who you are, find someone new.
You deserve to be loved. You deserve so much love that it pours out of you. You deserve to feel special. You deserve to be told that you are beautiful. You deserve to go to sleep every night and wake up every morning feeling that you are wanted and loved and needed. You deserve to never, ever feel like you are second best. You deserve to know, without a doubt, that you are exactly what they want. You deserve to feel that they are proud to be with you. You deserve effort and actions and so much love!
You deserve it ALL.
10. This is your year!
Starting today, let this year be all about you (I don't care if it isn't Jan. 1)! Stop trying to please people that don’t care about you. Don’t waste your time being someone’s rock when they can’t even ask how you are. Starting today, make your priority you. Make this year about finding yourself, loving yourself, treating yourself and being the best you that you can be!
To my class, I love you all so dearly. Thank you for giving a girl with a shaky voice and a lot of things to say a home. Thank you all for listening to me when I needed ears. It has been such a pleasure calling you my friends (and thank you for not disowning me after my Hot Topic phase during sophomore year). Good luck, and best wishes!
