Growing up as an only child, I had a pretty quiet childhood. Anybody else with only their childhood pet as their sibling can relate to these ten things:
1. You always wonder about that (strange) sibling dynamic.
The concept of having a sibling is lost on me. It’s a person around your age that you are programmed to love… but in reality, you could hate? But still actually love? Plenty of my friends have siblings that they don’t speak to. They know they’re still alive, could even live in the same house, but couldn’t tell you a thing about them. This blows my mind. I always thought if I had a sibling we’d be the best of friends, but sometimes, that isn’t in the cards. And then I come across other siblings who are best friends and it just… doesn’t make sense!
2. You learn how to handle things alone.
For all of the people out there who think: “thankfully I have a sibling because I couldn’t go through _____________ alone” just think about it for a second: it’s lonely. You go through someone passing away alone, family fights alone, etc. You may have friends or significant others that can feel like family, but no one will truly understand the loss of a loved one in your family unless you’re in it. This makes you a special kind of independent, despite the stereotypes that go along with being an only child. Which leads me to…
3. We don't all get what we want.
I waited for any gift I wanted until a holiday or my birthday, I was the last of my friends to get a smart phone, I drove a hand-me-down car in high school, I’ve had a job since I was sixteen, and I always paid some of my own bills. While I didn’t need to share anything growing up, I’m not greedy now. I didn’t commute from home for college because I was too annoyed to share a room and I don’t get overwhelmed when people ask to borrow my stuff. I’ve even had people tell me I don’t “act like an only child” because not every old child gets treated like royalty. We may get all of the attention (which gets annoying) that doesn't mean we get everything we ask for.
4. There is more pressure to succeed.
You have no one else to make your parents proud but you. This puts a different kind of pressure on you. Even if you're the sibling who isn't as successful as the others, there are still others to take the attention off of you. Being the only one equals all of the attention, all of the time.
5. There is no one else to blame.
The toilet is clogged? The TV isn’t working? A plate got broken? Nine out of 10 times, it was my dad who did something wrong. But you better believe I always got blamed for it. I could never hide it when I did break something because I also grew up in a small house due to the lack of family members, so when something was missing, it was pretty obvious.
6. You wonder what a big family is like.
I have always had pretty quiet dinners growing up. I don’t have much of an extended family so even my holiday dinners are much smaller than the average. One of my best friends has a huge family with siblings and nieces and nephews, and they took me in as one of their own, so I got to experience that type of extended family in some way. I babysat and watched his nieces and nephews grow like they were my own. His family made me one of them at a young age and I will always appreciate that.
7. Dating someone with a big family is very weird.
While my best friend having a big family just feels like I have siblings of my own, dating someone with a big family is a whole other ball game. My boyfriend’s family is bigger than my best friend’s, and this family is like watching an episode of "The Brady Bunch." There’s always yelling and kids running around and even the family dog gets in on the action. There are so many people to talk to, so many people that you have to impress and hope that they like you that you don’t even know where to start. While this seemed overwhelming at first, I’ve been with them all a few times by now, and I’ve become more comfortable with the loving chaos that unfolds every time it's someone’s birthday (which is basically once a month).
8. Your friends become your siblings.
My best friend since the sixth grade is someone who was there for me through it all. Through that awkward, awful middle school stage, to the (literal) college graduation stage, she was the sister I never had. She is my first phone call when things go wrong and my first phone call when things go right. She listened to me go on and on about boys, the fights I had with my parents, the quarter-life crisis I’m sure to hit soon, everything. My other best friend (the one with the big family) is like the brother I never had. He’s mean in the best way and is also there for me the way a sibling would. When I’m bored and have nothing to do, I go to his house and we do nothing together… if that isn’t what siblings are for, then I don’t know what goes on!
9. If you don't have a big extended family as well, you may not know whom to invite to your future wedding.
I already know I’ll have to marry into a big family, because my side of the church is going to look bare. If I have 30 people on my side I would consider that a win. So I’m going to have to steal the idea of making a sign that says: “sit on any side you’d like” in the hopes of masking my small family-ness. But I’ve accepted that I don’t have a big family, don’t have siblings to be in the wedding party, and don’t have 100 people to invite... I’ll save money, anyway!
10. With all of that being said, you still don't feel like you've missed out.
Having only my parents at home doesn’t make me feel like I missed out on anything in life. Being an only child has made me appreciate the family I do have, and made me excited for the family I will make for myself one day. It has made me independent in a stronger way and let me enjoy the anarchy of a big family through the people around me… with the perk of getting to go home to my quiet house.
Don’t ever be down on yourself because you don’t have that big family. Just because you don’t have as many people surrounding you, doesn’t mean that you aren’t loved just as much.
