It’s true for many people that the only thing they need in life are good friends. And of course, there are benefits from having friends. Not only do friends give you another person to share interests with, but they are also good for building up your self-confidence and overall happiness. However, what happens when you make a friend and then realize that they are causing more harm than good? Can you even detect when a so-called friend is actually harming you? Sometimes the warning signs to an unhealthy friendship are subtle, but they can be a tell-tale sign of a relationship that will do more harm than good. It’s really nice to make new friends, but if you meet someone and then start to notice these types of behaviors, it may be time to back away from the relationship.
1. They try and pressure you into things
These things aren’t necessarily big, either. It could be to have another drink or to go out when you don’t want to, but no matter what it is, they get upset if you don’t comply.
2. They judge others (and you)
This can get really annoying, especially if they are remarking on someone’s attire behind their backs a bit too loudly. Not only are they being rude to the third person, but they are also blatantly uncaring if they get heard.
3. They are always gossiping
This is usually about mutual friends, which no doubt makes you wonder what they say about you behind your back.
4. They hardly let you speak
One of the first things you probably notice with this friend is that they are always talking, which isn’t inherently bad-- except when it is. When they consume so much of the conversation you don’t have the opportunity to contribute to what’s happening, that's a red flag.
5. …and when they do, they don’t listen
If you get lucky enough to be able to add to the conversation, it isn’t for long. They will usually cut you off or just completely ignore what you had to say and continue on with their rambling.
6. They only talk about themselves
That twenty minute story you just heard them rattle off about themselves? Yeah, that’s basically every conversation. They love to talk about themselves and bring up them at any point in the conversation-- even if it was completely irrelevant.
7. All of their stories have to “one up” yours
If you actually manage to get through a complete story without being interrupted, it’s likely that they will brush it off and delve right into a story bigger and better than the one you just told-- oh, and it will be about them.
8. They belittle you and embarrass you
Jokes are one thing, and yeah, some friends are pretty ruthless with their joking, but there are still boundaries that friends have. Not this friend, though. They say anything at any time about you to put you down and (possibly) embarrass you in front of other people. Total power play.
9. They always have to be right
Sometimes they will be right, and that’s all fine and dandy, but when they are wrong, they won’t accept defeat. It could be something that is easily proven (and proves them wrong), but they will just roll their eyes and say “whatever.”
10. They are in constant competition with life
Every single thing they do has to be bigger and better than a past thing. And sometimes they have to outdo everything you do, which not only gets exhausting, but also feels like a kick in the teeth to your achievements.
This is but a small list of warning signs when making new friends. All of these opinions are completely subjective and formed through personal past experience. But after realizing that these traits were harmful to me, and after I ended the friendships, I felt better about myself and the friends I still had. In the excitement of meeting a new friend, you may not even notice some of these things, and backing away from a friendship is never the easiest thing to do, but it is sometimes very needed. Additionally, if these are traits you see in yourself, know that they can be very harmful to those around you and try to work on your own conduct. Friends are meant to build each other up, not tear one another down.
