The subject of kids comes up every so often, even at my age. Most of my girlfriends have a number in mind and maybe even a handful of names. Whenever I voice my complete lack of desire to be a mother in such discussions, my announcement is almost always met with shock and disbelief.
“Why on Earth would you not want to be a Mom?”
“But babies are so cute!”
“Don’t you want a family?”
“Aren’t you going to get lonely when you’re old?”
“Who’s going to take care of you?”
“Don’t your parents want grandchildren?”
I have had to answer these questions on numerous occasions, which undoubtedly has made writing this article very easy; the thoughts flow from my brain to my keyboard almost flawlessly. So without further ado, here are the 10 reasons why I don’t spend much time dreaming of tiny baby shoes:
1. The physical consequences.
This is probably the most selfish reason. I’m afraid of giving birth and what it’ll do to my body; the scars, the stretch marks and the possibility I may have to cut my vagina *mega cringe*. I know that’s not exactly what happens, but you get the gist.
2. Financial responsibility.
As a parent, you have to worry about clothing (that they will grow out of in seconds), food, healthcare and, last but most definitely not least, college tuition (looking at you, Tufts). In short, I am unsure of whether I can take on the financial responsibility of providing well for my hypothetical children.
3. No more “me time.”
I am, most unquestionably, an introvert. I need copious amounts of time all by myself in order to recharge so I can “do life.” With a child, all this time to myself would evaporate. Not only do I fear for my sanity, but I also fear for the quality of care I’d be able to give my child in that state.
4. Teenage rebellion.
Teenagers have the capacity to be extremely annoying. I know this because I myself was a very sassy bundle of stubbornness in my earlier teenage years. I now have so much reverence towards my mom and her patience because I certainly would have cracked and kicked myself out on the curb ages ago.
5. Constant worry and fear.
As a college student and a devout watcher of a crime-filled TV Series, I am well aware of the many mistakes that a teenager can make and the many tragedies that can befall one. What if my child becomes a druggie? What if my child gets kidnapped? What if my child gets raped? I have no idea how I could stop myself from imagining all sorts of worst-case scenarios as a parent.
6. My career
Right now, I see my career as my baby. I’m hungry for power and for success. Some people want to leave their children behind as part of their legacy, but that doesn’t sound right to me. I wouldn’t have children as a method of continuing my namesake. I would want any children I have to be individuals of their own, with no obligations or ties to carry on a name or a reputation.
Some might argue that it is possible to both raise a family and pursue a career, and point to several notable women who have done so. I concede that it is very much possible, but I myself would not want to be in a position where I would have to choose between work and family because I don’t have faith in my ability to make the right call every time. As a mother, I would feel that my children deserve all of my attention and energy. My deepest fear is that over time, the accumulation of all the sacrifices I make for my children will manifest itself into resentment, and I don’t think anyone should have to live in resentment from their parents.
7. Responsibility
The idea of being entirely responsible for another human being is terrifying. So many of our flaws in character can be attributed to our childhood and our experience with our parents. For example, the lack of attention, too much attention, too much discipline, divorces, etc. Of course, there is no such thing as a perfect parent, and I do agree it is more than enough for parents to simply do their best. However, the thought that so many of my hypothetical children’s problems could be my fault is too much to bear. I’m quite sure the paranoia from trying to raise a child as well as possible would drive me insane.
Furthermore, as a mother, my child would look to me for understanding of almost everything. How would I, someone who is so unsure of so many things, be able to tell a toddler what is real and what isn’t?
8. Child ≠ Caretaker
A child is not a fail-safe. A child would be someone I brought into the world that I want to nurture and raise, not someone I gave birth to for the purpose of having someone to care for me when I get old. Obviously, children’s taking care of their elderly parents is a good thing, but I don’t personally consider this as a good enough reason for said parents to have them.
9. Curiosity
I know, deep down, I am far from done exploring the world. There is so much that intrigues and excites me. I don’t feel as if I was put on this planet to become a mother. I relish the freedom to make my own mistakes, for all the consequences of said mistakes to be limited to me and me alone.
10. Desire
I might very well change my mind in the future, but as of now the biggest reason why I don’t plan on entering motherhood is that the desire is simply not there.
