10 Reasons Why You Should Vote For Me

As the election winds down to its inevitable end, we are left wondering who is worthy of the presidency. Now, remember, the POTUS is basically one of the most powerful men or women in the world. So, why vote for the lesser of two evils when you can vote for a non-evil? Hell, I'm practically a non-entity at this point. So here are 7 reasons why you should vote for me.

1. Controversy

The most controversial thing I've ever done was cursing in front of my mother.

2. Neutrality

I'm not a Democrat or a Republican, so you know that at the end of the day, I couldn't care less about their agendas. My agenda is making America better for you, the people, and me, the person. And with me as POTUS, I will always put the people first.

3. Freedom

I believe in freedom. *Cue chant of 'Murica.* Freedom is good. We should all have freedom. Am I overusing the word freedom? FREEDOM! Okay, but really, we all deserve equal rights, and as a staunch supporter of (not going to say it again), I believe that we should all have the same rights. As president, I would work towards making it so that everyone has equal rights.

4. Less Taxes

Raising taxes on anyone is stupid. Taxes are stupid. As president, I would cut taxes on people so they have more money to spend. More spending money means more money in rotation. Now what about the rich people? I'd close loopholes so that they would pay their full taxes instead of being able to get out of them. What does raising taxes do if some people get loopholes and others don't?

5. Education

I would improve the American education system. As an education major, I only have a slight insight into the way American education works, but I would talk to experts in the educational field on ways to improve. Also, I would make learning Spanish mandatory from 1st grade on so that Americans can finally be bilingual like our sexier European neighbors across the ocean.

6. Funding

I'd cut military funding and put it towards education. I would also redirect some of the funding towards taking care of our veterans.

7. Adorable

I'm adorable.

8. I'm not Trump

I'm not, I checked.

9. I'm not Clinton

I checked also.

10. I'm a pacifist.

So no WW3.

If you have made it to the end, then congratulations. You read an article that is part satire, part inane thought. One day, I might run for president, but for now, I will simply write a joke article that is not very funny, but gave me something to do while I think of other more serious things to write.