Let me start out with two disclaimers:
Disclaimer #1: I am currently 20 years old. I started dating when I was 16, but my current relationship began about two weeks after I turned 19. I'm sure that you have already made a connection, but if you haven't, ahem, I did not follow the advice I am about to give in this article. However, I do not think that this invalidates my "wisdom" (ha!), but it strengthens it because I have experience. Do as I say, not as I do.
Disclaimer #2: This article will provide some strong, proven trends in relationships that most, if not all, people can agree with. The key word in the last sentence was trends. If you missed that word, you're welcome. I am not advocating against all relationships during the teenage years, just the vast majority. Some (meaning one or two) from these years have lasted, in my experience, but they were well balanced and good. These relationships that lasted (meaning that they ended in marriage) were few and far between. What I am trying to do here is to save people from stress and heartache as someone who has been there and knows.
Now for the stuff you clicked on my link to see.
A simple analysis of the teenage years.
Defining elements make up one's teenage years: athletics, fine arts, and friendships, to name a few. If you're the youngest child, like me, it's filled with "You're so-and-so's younger sibling" or -- one that everyone is familiar with -- "You belong to so-and-so, don't you?" Sigh. "Yes." There comes a time in these years when people want to branch out, widen their horizons, and form a unique name for themselves. I'm not talking about changing your given name, but to be known for something that is their very own. This is a natural, and even good, feeling. The trick lies in knowing which avenue you should take to fulfill this longing. However, a problem arises when this "break-free" feeling is coupled with a sneaky beast: the urge to date. This, too, is a good and natural feeling. If an individual cannot tame this beast and learn to balance it with other parts of their life, the outcome can be quite frightening. I strongly, strongly, strongly suggest that you abstain from dating until you're 20. You do not know what you're up against.
Ten reasons why you shouldn't date until you're 20:
Of course, this list could go on for miles and I most likely missed a few, but here is a candid list from my brain to your psyche. I hope I didn't catch you too late!
Reason 1: You don't know who you are yet. You may think you do, but you don't. Let that truth soak in for a minute or two before you move on because if you do not accept this, you won't listen to anything else I have to say. Go ahead. I'll still be here when you absorb it. If you've decided to rebel against my suggestion and keep reading, then let me make it clear that I like you. It is clear that from this moment on, I am speaking with a hardheaded individual like my teenage self. You're a go-getter.
Okay, so now you've come to the conclusion that you don't really know yourself yet. Whoo! That's a big step. I'm proud of you. No, really, I am. Take, for example, your current taste in music. Did you listen to this music when you were in kindergarten? More than likely, the answer is no. So, how did you get from point A (pre-K) to point B (now)? You evolved. You matured. You discovered that some music is pretty bad and some music is really good. Now, I think since we can both agree that you're constantly maturing (AKA learning what you like and what you don't like, discovering what is good and what is bad), then it is not too far of a jump to say that this is true in all aspects of your life: friends, jobs, etc. You don't know who you are yet. Key word is yet. You will know, trust me, but you don't know right now.
Reason 2: Your partner, like you, doesn't know who they are either. Placing two individuals who are not yet secure in who they are can be a deadly combination. (Please note that I said can be). It's the blind leading the blind. You're trying to figure out what ACT score you want, what college you want to attend, or what job you would like to pursue. You don't need to consider the situation of a love interest over what is best for you, which is really easy to do. That's what marriage is for and guess what junior high or high schooler, YOU'RE NOT MARRIED or engaged, for that matter. "Above all, to thine own self be true!" Thanks, Shakespeare.
Reason 3: You think you have a idea of what love is, but not really. Love is knowing every fiber of someone's heart, the good, the bad, and the ugly, and still choosing to serve them unconditionally. Love is choosing a person even when there are other things out there that may seem better at the time. You have a front row seat to their good and bad side, but you always choose love over leaving because you know that at the end of the day, even though another person out there may not have your person's weakness, you know that your person balances you out. In short, love starts as a feeling, then becomes the greatest choice. As a teenager, it is hard (but not impossible) to experience this kind of love fully and deeply.
Reason 4: Your friends are more important than your love interest. Gasp! Did she really just say that? Yeah, I did. In case you didn't hear me the first time: YOUR FRIENDS ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOUR LOVE INTEREST. Ahem. High school is for finding your wedding party, not your spouse. I cannot tell you how many friends I lost or friends who lost me due to our respective love interests. Bridges were burned that were lost forever or took forever to rebuild. I would, more often than not, choose my high school love interest over my friends and they did it to me, too. At the time, I thought it was harmless because I loved him, right? Well, guess what. I'm a few years down the road now and I can tell you what happened. I lost my high school boyfriend and some friends abandoned me because they were tired of being priority #2. Always choose your friends. They'll be around a lot longer, most likely.
Reason 5: Speaking of priorities, focusing on your love interest more than grades and other important things is a huge temptation. Suddenly, texting all day, going to bed later than usual, and daydreaming becomes natural. A small does of this is okay, but a huge does... With every action, there is a consequence. Soon after these habits form, you start missing minor homework assignments and your grades fall one, two, or ten points, and you couldn't care less. Let me tell ya, taking a B or C in a class just so you can talk to your love interest is something you will regret years later. Choose education and other important things over love. Things you learn now will prepare you to face college and the real world while your love interest is fleeting.
Reason 6: Unless you're set in your ways beforehand, you subconsciously lose your right to say no. When you're "in love," your reason is held captive by emotion and, soon after, emotion will take over and start running the show. The initial boundaries of "we will" and "we won't" do this or that are blurred and you find yourself wondering who you are and how you got there. You're trying to find yourself, remember? Maybe this dating thing isn't the best decision for you if this starts taking place. You don't need another humans physical touch to define your identity.
Reason 7: SEX. Whew, that was awkward. Now that we have that out of the way, let's talk about it. Sex is a good and natural thing. All humans are sexual beings. Yes, even you, reader. In its purest form, this act is a way for an individual to be known fully by another individual. How cool is that?? Okay, so now couple this natural feeling with two teenagers trying to find their place in this world and you run into a massive problem. This is a RIGHT specifically reserved for your spouse. Until you have a ring on your finger, you're NOT married. If you, as a sexual creature, cannot resist this temptation with your significant other, you're cheating yourself. You're only a pure sexual being during your first time of having sex. Save it for the most intimate relationship two people can have: the bond of marriage. If you can't wait, don't date. Pure and simple.
Reason 8: Okay, so you may be out of high school and in college. If you're that person, this point is specifically for you, friend. College is scary enough as it is... Then you add in that fact that you have carried over your high school sweetheart or found a man in college and it gets even scarier. College is when you date your spouse, right? You already found your wedding party in high school. Check. Incoming -- scary though: this individual may be my spouse! Quick pause. AAHHHHH! Okay, I'm back. You go into your first semester and your university asks you to pick a major. No big. Uh, YES BIG! That expensive four year experience determines the rest of your life. Chances are you will change your major one, two, or maybe ten times (true story) in the first few semesters and that's okay. However, if your reason and emotion with your significant other are not in check, a big problem may arise: confusion. You don't need that right now. You're expensive diploma is more important!
If you're a traditional student, by the time you're 20, you will have completed most, if not all, of your general ed requirements and you have a very good idea of what you want to do with your life. Don't let some petty, fake rendition of love from some sweet-talkin' temporary guy get in your way. Pain is temporary; GPA is forever. Your life depends on this. Don't let "love" distract you!
Reason 9: Heartbreak. Dating without the intent of marriage sets one's heart up for pain. If you cannot realistically see yourself marrying this person in two years, do not proceed. Dating with no end goal in mind opens Pandora's box to many evils. Trust me, you are not missing a thing. Instead of focusing on finding Mr. or Mrs. Right, focus on being the right person. Dating only disorients your priorities and prolongs your path to improving yourself. Do yourself a favor and abstain, even though it may be hard.
Reason 10: Before our time is over, I would like you to know that you are a prize, a catch, and the jewel in some wonderful individual's eye. You may or may not know this person, but they're out there. Teenagers have a tendency to settle, but a potential spouse is no matter to settle on. Guys, you deserve to have a lady's respect and faithfulness. You deserve to not be pressured into any situation, especially nothing sexual. Girls, you deserve a man who never lets your hand touch a door, who makes intentional efforts to show himself worthy of your company, and who treats you with utmost respect, especially regarding your body. You are special. Don't let someone temporary intrude on and steal your spouse's rights. Protect them. They are not yours to give.
What a tangled web we weave...
Dating. What a nice game we like to entertain ourselves with.... Don't touch it with a ten-foot pole until you're ready.
The goal of dating is to find your spouse, not to fill a temporary love void. Dating can either lead to heartbreak or marriage. One leaves you hurting, which may take years to overcome, and the other brings you bliss. Pick your poison. Haha! I firmly believe that if people kept these points in mind, they would be wiser in all areas of love.
