10 Biggest Problems With Listicles

10 Biggest Problems With Listicles

Number seven may surprise you.
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Today we're going to talk about "listicles." For those of you that may never have heard the term, a listicle is a cross between a list and an article that is primarily read while sitting on the toilet. They're easy to write, and can be fun to read, but nothing is perfect and listicles are no exception. So here's a list of what's wrong with listicles.

1. Clickbait titles.

I fall for it every time! I'm sick of seeing "10 celebrities you forgot were hardened criminals," only to find out that number four was arrested for public urination. I know page-views are nice and all, but do we really need to resort to cheap tricks and inflammatory headlines just to get people to read our stuff? Why can't these sites just do what everyone else does, share your article on social media and guilt your friends into reading it.

2. There's too much list, not enough "-icle."

OK, so this may just be nitpicking, but come on! I'm not expecting a full doctoral thesis for each point, but you can do better than a simple one liner. If you don't at least try to back up your point, then your support for your argument is mostly coming from the GIF you chose. Which reminds me...

3. The GIFs don't make sense.

I mean, I get that you need GIFs in your listicles, but at least try to make them fit. If you're making a point about how important it is to always believe in yourself, I don't want to see a GIF of a puppy falling down a hill... I mean, I would actually love to see a GIF of a puppy falling down a hill, just not in that context.

4. They repeat themselves.

It's inevitable. If you're reading a listicle, there is a really good chance that at least one point will just be a restated version of an earlier one. Seriously though, did you run out of things to say? Why do you really need that extra point, if all you're gonna do is jumble words around? I don't know what's more insulting: that it happens, or that there is this assumption that we aren't smart enough to notice it.

5. They're all the same.

There's no variation anymore. It's all just lists of movies or books or clothes, etc. I'm tired of it! I don't care what you think are the top 17 TV shows of all time, you're probably wrong anyway. I want something bold, something daring. Just once I'd love to see a list like "top 12 ways to keep your sloth happy during winter." Now that'd be an interesting and original listicle. I'd read the crap out of that!

6. There's always one redundant point.

Without fail there is always at least one redundant point. Not just redundant, it's usually just restating what was said earlier, all they've done is changed the wording slightly and passed it off as a whole new point. Is it really that difficult to come up with an extra paragraph? As if we're not going to...wait a minute.

7. Number seven never surprises you.

See that? I lied to you. Doesn't that suck? I got your hopes up that number seven on this list would surprise you, and here you are learning a harsh but valuable life lesson. Don't believe everything you read on the Internet. It's the same with all listicles. They promise something shiny, new, and exciting, but all you're left with is something you were honestly kind of expecting already.

8. They always disappoint.

Despite knowing exactly what I'm in for whenever I read a listicle, I always find some way to be disappointed by it. Whether it's because the author left off something I thought should have been included, or there's something that shouldn't be included but is. Maybe it's the choice of GIFs used, or just the subject matter in general. I've never finished reading a listicle and thought, "Yeah, I needed to read that."

9. What's with the odd numbers?

Why is it that every listicle is "13 different whatevers you didn't know existed" or "21 new etceteras that will change your life." Whatever happened to a good old fashioned top 10 list? Am I crazy? Is it just me? Am I the only one who's noticing this? I don't know. Just something I thought was weird.

10. They're all subjective.

This isn't really a problem with listicles, so much as it is something to keep in mind when reading. I mean, it's the nature of the listicle to be subjective. I honestly can't think of a single objective listicle. Though, if there was one, I imagine it'd be pretty boring. Just a headline like: "12 things that are true" followed by a list of 12 true things? Boring. Listicles aren't comprised of facts, and so there's no point in getting upset or angry about them. If you ever find yourself disagreeing with someone's listicle, congratulations; it means you have successfully cultivated your own identity and personality. If you find yourself getting upset or angry at a listicle, you have also cultivated your own identity and personality, but it might be a bad one and you should take some time to think about whether or not you want to be the sort of person who gets upset at other people's opinions on the Internet.

Cover Image Credit: emmgroup

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I'd Rather Be Single Than Settle – Here Is Why Being Picky Is Okay

They're on their best behavior when you're dating.
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Dating nowadays described in one word: annoying.

What's even more annoying? when people tell you that you're being too "picky" when it comes to dating. Yes, from an outside perspective sometimes that's exactly what it looks like; however, when looking at it from my perspective it all makes sense.

I've heard it all:

"He was cute, why didn't you like him?"

"You didn't even give him a chance!"

"You pay too much attention to the little things!"

What people don't understand is that it's OKAY to be picky when it comes to guys. For some reason, girls in college freak out and think they're supposed to have a boyfriend by now, be engaged by the time they graduate, etc. It's all a little ridiculous.

However, I refuse to put myself on a time table such as this due to the fact that these girls who feel this way are left with no choice but to overlook the things in guys that they shouldn't be overlooking, they're settling and this is something that I refuse to do.

So this leaves the big question: What am I waiting for?

Well, I'm waiting for a guy who...

1. Wants to know my friends.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe how lucky I am to have the friends that I do.

I want a guy who can hang out with my friends. If a guy makes an effort to impress your friends then that says a lot about him and how he feels about you. This not only shows that he cares about you but he cares about the people in your life as well.

Someone should be happy to see you happy and your friends contribute to that happiness, therefore, they should be nothing more than supportive and caring towards you and your friendships.

2. Actually, cares to get to know me.

Although this is a very broad statement, this is the most important one. A guy should want to know all about you. He should want to know your favorite movie, favorite ice cream flavor, favorite Netflix series, etc. Often, (the guys I get stuck on dates with) love to talk about themselves: they would rather tell you about what workout they did yesterday, what their job is, and what they like to do rather than get to know you.

This is something easy to spot on the first date, so although they may be "cute," you should probably drop them if you leave your date and can recite everything about their life since the day they were born, yet they didn't catch what your last name was.

3. How they talk about other women.

It does not matter who they're talking about, if they call their ex-girlfriend crazy we all know she probably isn't and if she is it's probably their fault.

If they talk bad about their mom, let's be honest, if they're disrespecting their mother they're not going to respect you either. If they mention a girl's physical appearances when describing them. For example, "yeah, I think our waitress is that blonde chick with the big boobs"

Well if that doesn't hint they're a complete f* boy then I don't know what else to tell you. And most importantly calling other women "bitches" that's just disrespectful.

Needless to say, if his conversations are similar to ones you'd hear in a frat house, ditch him.

4. Phone etiquette.

If he can't put his phone down long enough to take you to dinner then he doesn't deserve for you to be sitting across from him.

If a guy is serious about you he's going to give you his undivided attention and he's going to do whatever it takes to impress you and checking Snapchat on a date is not impressive. Also, notice if his phone is facedown, then there's most likely a reason for it.

He doesn't trust who or what could pop up on there and he clearly doesn't want you seeing. Although I'm not particularly interested in what's popping up on their phones, putting them face down says more about the guy than you think it does.

To reiterate, it's okay to be picky ladies, you're young, there's no rush.

Remember these tips next time you're on a date or seeing someone, and keep in mind: they're on their best behavior when you're dating. Then ask yourself, what will they be like when they're comfortable? Years down the road? Is this what I really want? If you ask yourself these questions you might be down the same road I have stumbled upon, being too picky.. and that's better than settling.

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Pride? Pride.

Who are we? Why are we proud?

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This past week, I was called a faggot by someone close to me and by note, of all ways. The shock rolled through my body like thunder across barren plains and I was stuck paralyzed in place, frozen, unlike the melting ice caps. My chest suddenly felt tight, my hearing became dim, and my mind went blank except for one all-encompassing and constant word. Finally, after having thawed, my rage bubbled forward like divine retribution and I stood poised and ready to curse the name of the offending person. My tongue lashed the air into a frenzy, and I was angry until I let myself break and weep twice. Later, I began to question not sexualities or words used to express (or disparage) them, but my own embodiment of them.

For members of the queer community, there are several unspoken and vital rules that come into play in many situations, mainly for you to not be assaulted or worse (and it's all too often worse). Make sure your movements are measured and fit within the realm of possible heterosexuality. Keep your music low and let no one hear who you listen to. Avoid every shred of anything stereotypically gay or feminine like the plague. Tell the truth without details when you can and tell half-truths with real details if you must. And above all, learn how to clear your search history. At twenty, I remember my days of teaching my puberty-stricken body the lessons I thought no one else was learning. Over time I learned the more subtle and more important lessons of what exactly gay culture is. Now a man with a head and social media accounts full of gay indicators, I find myself wondering both what it all means and more importantly, does it even matter?

To the question of whether it matters, the answer is naturally yes and no (and no, that's not my answer because I'm a Gemini). The month of June has the pleasure of being the time of year when the LGBT+ community embraces the hateful rhetoric and indulges in one of the deadly sins. Pride. Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera, the figures at the head of the gay liberation movement, fought for something larger than themselves and as with the rest of the LGBT+ community, Pride is more than a parade of muscular white men dancing in their underwear. It's a time of reflection, of mourning, of celebration, of course, and most importantly, of hope. Pride is a time to look back at how far we've come and realize that there is still a far way to go.

This year marks fifty years since the Stonewall Riots and the gay liberation movement launched onto the world stage, thus making the learning and embracing of gay culture that much more important. The waves of queer people that come after the AIDS crisis has been given the task of rebuilding and redefining. The AIDS crisis was more than just that. It was Death itself stalking through the community with the help of Regan doing nothing. It was going out with friends and your circle shrinking faster than you can try or even care to replenish. Where do you go after the apocalypse? The LGBT+ community was a world shut off from access by a touch of death and now on the other side, we must weave in as much life as we can.

But we can't freeze and dwell of this forever. It matters because that's where we came from, but it doesn't matter because that's not where we are anymore. We're in a time of rebirth and spring. The LGBT+ community can forge a new identity where the AIDS crisis is not the defining feature, rather a defining feature to be immortalized, mourned, and moved on from.

And to the question of what does it all mean? Well, it means that I'm gay and that I've learned the central lesson that all queer people should learn in middle school. It's called Pride for a reason. We have to shoulder the weight of it all and still hold our head high and we should. Pride is the LGBT+ community turning lemons into lemon squares and limoncello. The lemon squares are funeral cakes meant to mourn and be a familiar reminder of what passed, but the limoncello is the extravagant and intoxicating celebration of what is to come. This year I choose to combine the two and get drunk off funeral cakes. Something tells me that those who came before would've wanted me to celebrate.

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