Remember the last time you had that lovely golden brown tan? Or when you accidentally sat in the sun for too long and got so tan that you made "Jersey Shore"-era Snooki jealous? Me either. But it's okay! Those who suffer from having fair skin, I feel your pain. That is why I compiled a list of the struggles that we have to deal with. There is certainly no GTL (gym, tanning and laundry) for us! It's strictly G and L.
1. You're not just white. You're ultra-white. I am of Caucasian race. But as a result of my European descent (especially my Irish and Polish roots), I was cursed with super-fair skin. That not only makes me white, but pasty white. I could probably camouflage with a white wall if I really wanted to. This also means that I get severe sunburns.
2. Brutal sunburns. As mentioned in thing number one, people like me who have pasty-white skin will forever have to accept the fact that they will never tan and instead skip right to the burn process. By the end of a beach day, I look like a lobster. Walking and other everyday tasks are also extremely difficult since I feel like I was thrown into a volcano and miraculously but barely survived.
3. You're immune to sunscreen. I have a firm belief that I have built up a tolerance to sunscreen, therefore it doesn't work on me. Seriously, no matter how many times I lather up or what SPF I use, the sun's rays seep through my skin and cook me. Every. Damn. Time.
4. Speaking of sunburns and being immune to sunscreen, it's the only way that you can get a decent tan. There should really be an award for fair-skinned people because we have to sit through a few days of nasty sunburn and pain before it evens out into a decent tan. And even then, it's hard to discern the tan lines.
5. Being jealous of your friends that never burn and can get tan easily. I was so close to choking my one friend when she came back from the Philippines and got this really awesome tan. Same with another friend who had gone to Aruba. Why can't I get color like that? Why must I have to go through the pain mentioned in thing number four to get a halfway decent tan?
6. Automatically picking out the lightest shade of foundation available. Ladies, listen up! Although this isn't exactly a struggle because it makes shopping for new make-up much easier, it's still true. You automatically reach for the ivory or fair shade of foundation because if you went any darker than that, it would look like a contouring job gone wrong. Also, red lipstick is a HUGE no-no.
7. Pimples. Pimples are super easy to point out because they're usually an off-white color and red around the edges. And they do not match with fair skin. To make matters worse, not even your foundation can help to hide them because you were forced to pick the lightest color available.
8. White girl jokes are not exactly jokes. Another shout out to the ladies. I suffer from this first hand. I'm not a stereotypical white girl. So what if I drink Starbucks and have an iPhone? And if I carry a Michael Kors bag? And wear over-sized sunglasses? Oh, wait a minute...
9. When you're not feeling well and you become pale... which means you are even whiter than normal. At this point you're so white that other people start becoming concerned that you are turning into a ghost. In response you have to explain that you're just sick and that you aren't dying, and that no, you're not turning into Casper the Friendly Ghost.
(Side note: If I were a ghost, I would not be friendly. I would be really mean. I would haunt those who did me wrong and pull terrible pranks on innocent people.)
10. And finally... what the hell is this?
Why? Why do you want fair skin? Take it from me, it is not a pleasant thing to have. You don't want constant sunburns and white jokes thrown at you. THE FAIR-SKINNED LIFESTYLE IS NOT THE LIFESTYLE YOU WANT. PLEASE TURN BACK BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
