It's staying in bed for hours at a time. Feeling numb to emotions around you. Lying to everyone you know and yourself, telling them you are fine. "I'm fine" has become your go-to for every "how are you" even though inside you are battling within yourself. It's an effort to get out of bed or to do anything really. It just feels like a constant weight on your chest that no matter how hard you try the weight keeps pulling you down. Missing classes because you just couldn't bring yourself to get out of bed. It's making an effort to do things "normal" people don't think twice about.
Getting dressed, brushing your hair, breathing. Every breath you take feels like it is forced, the weight doesn't go away it's just there. You feel like living is such a constant struggle, but you don't want to die. You're not suicidal you just want to stop existing, even if it's just for a while. Eating takes more effort than it should, you have to force yourself to eat almost just to please everyone around you. Depression makes you cancel plans you had because you mentally just can't. You call off work for no vail reason besides your mental health, or you have a list of lies that you go to for calling off. Explaining why you missed class, work, that social event is always a new lie you thought of, because in this society saying you were depressed isn't allowed.
Depression has the stigma of being suicidal and overly sad, but in reality we're just trying to survive like you. The silent pleas for help that no one notices but have read about online. The pleas of telling someone that the weight is to much, but they ignore it. You are tired of living but at the same time, you don't want to die, just yet at least.