Mustering up the courage to vote may be difficult for a few people. Walking approximately three city blocks to your designated voting station is hard, especially only for those who physically cannot walk. Please, be smart and listen to these reasons that should convince you to vote:
1. You should vote because you may
... if you're an American citizen, of age, and possess free will: you may vote.
2. You should vote so we can stop asking you to vote
Constantly asking you to vote is quite annoying, but it is definitely less annoying than doing nothing. Because we rightfully elect politicians into American government, you may control who ends up in office. We keep asking you to vote because doing nothing is literally pointless. Unfortunately, because only .1% of the American people control American economy, you believe your single vote may never change this political atrocity; for the love of America and the existence of our democracy, your vote indefinitely matters. If you have morals and love avoiding public shaming, voting may avoid all political embarrassment.
3. You should vote to stop others from taking office
Whoever came up with the saying "At the end of the day everyone is a winner" is an idiot. Despite the amount of candidates for each position, only one may win each title. Subjectively speaking, we may say "Trump is a winner because he received minority of the electoral votes," but according to the U.S. constitution, your right to vote may allow you one president -- especially one with better statistics.
4. You should vote because you're honoring our ancestors who worked tirelessly for your right to vote
If my grandmother is the deciding factor in my clothes of choice, then my grandmother is also the deciding factor when it comes to my vote. My grandmother worked hard for the birthing of my rights, so how dare I begin to disrespect my grandmother's legacy and not vote? My grandmother fucking tried for the existence of my human rights and I would hate to see the hours of her labor put to waste. Please respect your elders and vote because without them, we would not be alive and possess the right to vote -- the least we can do is dedicate one fucking day to them.
5. You should vote and only then complain about the outcomes
Complaining is honored in the Bill of Rights and while the right to vote is actually honored in the U.S. Constitution, the right to complain may display itself in the Bill of Rights. For example, the statement "I hate how I voted for Hillary Clinton to win by a landslide!" exercises a specific right and as a result it is obvious the complainer may rightfully exclaim he/she hates the lack of competition. If the complainer and others alike successfully vote Hillary into office, Hillary Clinton's competition has no chance of prevailing and luckily for you, the complainer, your complaint and free speech will always stand valid.
6. You should vote because it's scary
Getting into the spirit of Halloween is strangely out-of-season during the presidential election and it's obvious a fear inspired election is too strange to believe. Your neighbors' illegitimate Halloween decorations may advocate fear and a passerby on his/her way to the polls may be frightfully reminded that some citizens during Election Day are lazy -- spooky! A word of caution: the thrill of voting may lead you to piss your pants because the lines are terrifyingly long. It may take up to hours worth of wait time so please remember how to use a bathroom effectively.
7. You should vote because free stickers are fun!
Even if your preferred candidate does not win, a free sticker is better than a paid sticker! You know what is even better? Free college. Even better? Affordable healthcare.
8. You should vote so the Europeans stop laughing at us
This year's election certainly left the Europeans tickled. A good, strong laugh is shared in the presence of political memes and we can see why the Europeans may think American politics is a joke. Hilariously so, an ill-informed presidential candidate will lead America into an economic crisis if mistakenly elected -- a disaster most Europeans anticipate while coincidentally dying of laughter. News flash, Europeans: comedians may be encouraged to vote for a candidate in order to promote laughter. This giggle-invested immaturity should encourage the Europeans to laugh with us because we're obviously too busy with humor to seriously care about anything else.
9. You should vote because I love spaghetti
I love the idea of affordable spaghetti. I want all families across the United States to experience the love I possess for spaghetti -- something of which is possible thanks to the laws that help spaghetti thrive in an American society. The foreign food is delicious, nutritious, and essential for my happiness. Voting for the candidate with the best foreign policy is key: since it may inspire the best spaghetti makers from all around the world to continue investing in the American food industry. Your vote may also promote happiness!
10. You should vote because Democracy literally says it matters
Period.
The Chicago Odyssey team came together to write this.
