I've always loved school for the sake of school alone. I can remember marking each day off my calendar with that familiar anticipation that runs rife in every rising college freshman. I would finally be able to engross myself in classes that I knew I would enjoy, I would get involved in writing for our college newspaper as well as other writing gigs and I would engage in healthy and heated discourse with a handsome stranger over the writings of Tolstoy or Hosseini over tea at the local public library. (I lied about the last part, but bear with me here.) The point is, my parents didn’t have to worry about me becoming fully immersed in the “college experience.”
I happen to come from a conservative Christian household, but my choice to actively forgo party culture has never really been about religion or politics. In fact, I also happen to be an outspoken feminist, an advocate for LGBT rights in a society that claims to be free and an opponent of Islamophobia and persistent Western intervention in the Middle-East. But that’s a conversation for another day.
The truth is that I’ve never been one for partying, doing any sort of substance or hooking up. A “good time,” for me, usually involves a book, whether that means curling up with a five-star favorite or throwing shade at a one-star wonder—complete with reaction images. A good time is cackling with ya girl ‘til 3 AM while watching John Oliver or "Jane the Virgin" . A good time is jamming to James Bay, John Coltrane or Johann Sebastian Bach in the same instance.
It wasn’t long before I started to become increasingly aware of my apparent “good-girl” status. I was constantly made to feel like I seriously need to get the stick out of my rear and learn to live a little. That in order to reach the zenith of feminist potential, I would have to learn to let go of that “cult of virginity” and speak more candidly about genitals. That I was making excuses for not partying because of my chronic anxiety and introversion when all I needed to do was drink enough to become more easygoing and sociable. I have been practically dragged to a party or two, as if being stuffed like sardines in one space would be preferable to me than being in an air-conditioned coffee shop. And when I would leave the party early, I'd feel guilty that I was being puritanical or that I wasn’t there to help prevent a sexual assault from occurring.
I don’t write these words to pit girls against each other in an annoying, attention-seeking “I’m-not-like-other-girls” post. I still tear up the dance floor with my friends once in a while. In terms of dating, I can still scope a menu without ordering every time. But I've come to realize that I am an old soul at heart--and that's okay.
To the incoming college students, I submit to you that college is about taking risks and trying new things, but if you don't want to have sex, it's okay to say "No." If you don't want to go to that party, it's okay to decline. College is ultimately what you make it. This extends even beyond the realm of college.
Empowerment is about being sex positive, even if you don't wish to have sex. Empowerment is about choosing not to wear the hijab while encouraging women who do choose to wear the hijab. Empowerment is choosing a high-powered career while encouraging the woman who would rather be a housewife with kids. Most importantly, empowerment is about building others up--not tearing them down.
