We are living in some scary times. I mean, the world has always had its flaws, but I’ve only been a 20-year-old fending for myself once, so I really don’t have much to go on. All I know is that every day I am bombarded by the attacks women of all stripes face on a day-to-day. That, coupled with my lived experience, makes for a very scary reality.

A convicted rapist only served a sentence of three months. A woman was shot and killed because she exercised her right to say "no" when a man tried to grind on her. Black and Latina girls are going missing in The Bronx at an alarming rate, many believing they were sold into a sex trafficking ring — and there is absolutely no media coverage. Every day, women and young girls are pressured into having sex when they are just not ready. We are attacked, brutalized and killed just for being women.

We often say rape is never the victim's fault, it’s the rapist’s. I have to disagree. Rape is our fault. I venture to say rape is a symptom of the world we have created. Our society is raising rapists and every day it is becoming more and more acceptable for rape-like behavior to continue. I read an article about a Muslim Soninke girl who was continuously raped by her uncle and her grandmother forced her to keep it under raps because exposing it would destroy the family. I always thought I was safe because of my religion and culture, but no one is when we allow hypermasculine, misogynistic, anti-women behavior to run rampant. The behaviors we are encouraging in our sons are the same things that keep us up worrying about our daughters. We are raising rapists and we need to stop.

We need to stop teaching boys that aggression is an acceptable form of affection and should be excused.

Yes, males are innately stronger than females and tend to be more aggressive. However, we are not barbarians, we have reason, feelings and common sense. Just because boys are more aggressive doesn’t mean they should not be reprimanded when they’re aggression harms another. Stop creating an environment where boys are encouraged to bully young girls because they “have a crush on them.” This behavior is hard to unlearn and men grow up thinking they can put their hands on women with no consideration for her autonomy and personal space. Aggression is not cute when it’s used to prey on women.

We need to stop sexualizing the female body.

When I was younger, there was this man who I was very fond of. Not romantically, I just enjoyed his presence. He was very friendly and funny. He always used to tell me, "I cannot wait until your 18”. I was 12. He was 30. I thought that was a quite thing for him to say. I was flattered and I didn’t think anything was wrong with it- at the time.

Unfortunately, these incidents are not far and in between. I have always been curvy and I am extremely tall. Yes, I looked older than I was, but I was always truthful about my age. There is no reason why after knowing my age, grown-ass men still tried to get with me.

Our society has sexualized the female body. That is no surprise. So many people see women and young girls as walking tits and ass. They see their flesh and make assumptions about them. A teenage girl can just be walking down the street or walking in a hallway and can be harassed because she has on a tank top and shorts. Why must girls go the extra length to hide themselves because men can’t control themselves? Men see flesh and make assumptions about her sexuality and character. I like to show skin, but I’m not promiscuous. Even if I was, that gives no one to harass or assault me.

And please, let's be real — half-dressed females aren’t the only ones that are raped and assaulted. Children are raped. People get raped in their homes, at church, at school. Did they deserve it? NO! So our clothes aren’t the problem.

We need to stop teaching boys rejection from a woman is an insult to their masculinity.

This is quite simple. Just because a woman says no, doesn’t mean you’ve been castrated. It doesn't make you less of a man. It does not mean that she is mocking you or disrespecting you. There’s no need to yell, “Fuck you, then, you ain’t even allat” just because a woman does not reciprocate your advances. A woman has the right to say no. You don’t always have the juice and you shouldn’t kill her because she rejects you. Rejection is normal, it’s a part of life and when you take risks, that’s what happens.

We need to stop teaching men their worth and proof of manhood is rooted in their sexual conquest.

This is quite evident in boy-boy, men-men dynamic. Other men see other men as superior or popping based on how many sexual “bodies” they have under their belt. Why someone’s sexual life is of concern to you is beyond me, but this mentality is a problem. Young boys and even men feel like their lacking if they have not been super promiscuous in their lives. They rush to have sex and then see women just as a piece of meat that they can cum in and then move on to the next. They dehumanize women, see them only as sexual objects and do not fully take responsibility for the emotional toll that puts on them and others. Your worth as a man does not rely on how much sex you have. You can say no to having sex as well and your manhood should not be jeopardized.

We need to stop teaching young girls they have to be sexual objects to have value.

On the flipside, we need to stop telling young girls that they are merely sexual beings. Their purpose in life is not to please their husbands. So many young girls feel as though they have to have sex in their relationships, not out of pleasure but out of obligation. They have to be sexy, they have to be seen as a sexual being or their self-esteem is destroyed. I have seen grown women who cannot have relationships unless they’re built around sex. Young girls feel so unworthy because they are not receiving sexual attention from men. That is a problem. Women and girls need to know they are more than their bodies and anyone who sees them as only a body does not deserve them.

When someone rapes someone, they deserve to go to jail.

I was disgusted when I heard that Brock Turner was released from jail. I was astonished when I heard accusations of Nate Parker raping a woman with his friends. But what was heartbreaking was when so many people were more concerned with the fate of the men involved and not concerned about how their assaults impacted their victims. It does not matter if you are a famous actor or producer, a talented swimmer, a husband, a father or a brother — if you rape someone, you deserve to go to jail. So many rapes go unreported because of how rape accusations are treated. We'd rather victim-blame instead of trying to get to the bottom of the accusations — and FYI, only 2 percent of reported rapes are false, so don't even dare try to say rape accusations ruin lives. In the other 98 percent, rapists ruined someone else's life and deserve to be persecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

We need to stop perpetuating rape culture and we need to start teaching EVERYONE what rape really is.

Women should feel safe to walk down the streets and to exist as they are. We have made our world a dangerous place. So many rapes go unreported, so many rapists roam free because of our horrible rape culture. So many people are raped and don’t even consider it rape. I'm inclined to say there are men who are guilty of rape who do not even think what they did was rape because we have conditioned them to think they're behavior is acceptable.

If you said no, it's rape. If you were unconscious, under the influence or in any other compromised state when it happened, it was rape. If you had an orgasm during the assault, it was rape. If it was your boyfriend, your husband or any other intimate partner and you communicated that you did not want to have sex, it was rape. If you had sex with him the night before and change your mind in the morning and he still forces you, it's rape. If you had on the miniest dress with the longest heels and you were shaking your ass on the bar and you said no, it was rape. If it was a family member, a close friend, a teacher, a coach, it’s still rape.

I know my perspective is from a female, heteronormative point of view because that’s the story I can tell, I don’t mean to exclude heterosexual men or LGBTQA+ individuals who are assaulted — but please, something’s got to give. Let's stop raising rapists.