Having depression was never something I was comfortable admitting. In fact, this is among the first times I have addressed it openly and publicly. Accepting the fact has been a difficult road. It was a battle I wanted to keep to myself since I came to terms with my depression- why burden my family and friends when it's something I could most certainly handle myself? But the longer I kept it inside, the harder it was to handle on my own. I would tell close friends bits and pieces, hoping they'd be able to ease some of my pain, but it was easy to tell they didn't understand. They wanted to help, but they just couldn't understand. There were also friends that seem frightened by my depression; they weren't scared of me or me when depressed, but depression has such a heavy stigma attached and paired with their inability to understand, it pushed them away. The entire cycle was so frustrating.

Until I met you.

Once I met you, the entire game changed. Now, I can't say you magically fixed me and zapped my depression away. But once I met you, I felt like I had a friend who was willing to learn how my depression worked and take the time to be with me throughout every course and period of my depression. You cared about me when everyone else was afraid of me. You're one of the most gentle and kind souls I have had the pleasure of meeting in all of my years on this planet.There's so much that I don't thank you for enough, so much that you do without any personal regard. I can never show you how thankful and how lucky I am to have you, but here's my attempt.

Thank you for always making me smile.

The one thing I have always loved about you is your child-like personality and drive to always make me laugh. You have a knack for knowing whenever something's on my mind and telling a stupid joke to lighten the mood. For someone who's always so serious, so pessimistic, and so cynical, it's refreshing to be in love with someone who's main objective is to make me smile everyday. Bad days are hard, but they're a bit more bearable when I have you to make me laugh.

But thank you for letting me have my moments too.

Even though you love my smile, I appreciate the moments when I can be angry, upset, scared. You let me be honest and truthful with how I'm feeling. If I need a little while to cry and be myself, you let me have my space. You embrace that depression can cause me to feel a wide range of emotions in a small amount of time and still love me for me.

Thank you for learning how I work.

Depression is different for every single person who has it. For me, it includes random bouts of depression paired with anxiety that can leave me crippled. To you, this just means that some nights are late nights, that you have to make my doctor appointments (or any phone calls, really), and that your phone occasionally blows up with texts when I'm in a new environment/before a presentation or test/when I'm nervous. You understand that I just need someone to be there for me, and I can't begin to explain how relieved that makes me.

Thank you for helping me.

And I mean with everything. When I'm sad, when I'm overwhelmed, when I still don't understand pre-calculus, everything. You take the time to find and address the problem I'm having, and if there's something you can take the initiative to do, you do. If not, you're always so encouraging and loving and you help me through every obstacle.

Thank you for buying me chocolate.

Even though you hate it and it makes you gag.

Thank you for the best cuddles.

Your hugs really are the best. After a long day/weekend/week, finally being in your arms makes things a little better.

Thank you for loving my flaws.

There are things about myself I don't like that you know I don't like. Mostly because I voice it whenever I get dressed or look in a mirror. Depression warps what I see into things I hate. You never fail to address those specific things and tell me exactly why you love them and why you love me.

And thank you for loving my depression.

It's not an easy thing to do. Not all my friends have been able to deal with it, let alone love it. My ex-boyfriend wasn't able to do it. And I'm sure once I'm able to speak about it a little bit more, there will be others who can't do it either. But you do love my depression. That doesn't mean you love the fact I am depressed, but you acknowledge the fact that it's part of who I am. Depression isn't who I am, but it is a part of me. It's not something I'll wake up one day without; it's something I work towards shaking and getting rid of for good. But whether I have it for a month more or the rest of my life, you make it known to me everyday that you love me fully, as I am now, and I don't have to change for you to love me anymore than you do now.

The list goes on and on. There aren't enough words for me to be able to thank you for everything you do. You are a beautiful person, inside and out, and I am the luckiest girl to have you. I love you to the moon and back, kiddo.