When your heart is newly broken, it is all too easy to cast all of the blame onto "the one that got away". We tell our friends all of the horror stories as we cry in their arms. We tell our parents about the grisly ordeal and have to restrain them from knocking on our ex's front door themselves. We write poetry and create art that demonizes not just these people's actions (which would be okay), but their entire existences as well.

And this needs to stop.

You are not necessarily a villain if you decide to end a relationship. All of that depends on how you go about the ending, not the fact that it is being arranged.

If you break up with your partner in a compassionate, empathetic manner, then you do not deserve to be ridiculed. There is nothing wrong with asking to speak with them face-to-face, telling them the bad news, and bracing yourself for their reaction. You know they will be upset, especially if they were not anticipating it, so you comfort them in the best way you can, whether you do so with your words or with one last kiss.

There are right and wrong ways to break up with your boyfriend or girlfriend. And if you leave a relationship as respectfully and as kindly as possible, you should not be harassed by your ex or by anyone else for your decision.

After all, if everyone who initiated a breakup was deemed coldhearted and undateable, how many of us would never have relationships again?

You enter a relationship expecting to either marry the person or to part ways from them at some point in time. Heartache is guaranteed to be experienced by one or both partners involved. You proceed knowing this full and well, but then you blow the situation out of proportion when the outcome that results is not the one you find most ideal.

Two wrongs do not, by any stretch of the imagination, make a right. If the breakup was hideous and carried out in a careless way, then you do deserve to be angry with your ex. Even if it was as courteous as could be, you are still entitled to every one of your upset feelings. However, you should never act out of anger or sadness and seek revenge.

I have to admit that I am guilty of letting myself get caught up in a whirlwind of emotions when I confronted my ex about my most recent breakup. I viewed our relationship much differently than she did; this was evident in how she treated its end. She told me that it was over on a Sunday morning, watched me cry for a little while, and then left me in the room alone, saying she had to go do her homework.

Did that suck? Yes, it sucked immensely. But we have no control over the actions of others; all we can control is how we conduct ourselves. Had I been of sounder mind, I probably would have been able to recover a lot faster from the heartbreak.

Yet there is really no telling how you are going to process a breakup with a specific person until it actually happens, so I try not to beat myself up over my past mistakes. Breakups are more about emotions than they are about logic, anyway.

So my point is this: We are not monsters for wanting to sever ties with our significant others.

Rather, how we structure the breakup is everything. You are not in the wrong if you take him or her aside and pour out your heart, but stay resolute in your decision to leave. You might want to think long and hard about your behavior, however, if your go-to method is a text message, phone call, or distracted conversation with a hurried exit.

Nobody is innocent when it comes to having hurt others' feelings. As long as we do our best to be considerate while still doing what we need to ensure our own happiness, then we should be able to be heartbreakers without being made into public enemies.