Your Average Girl

Your Average Girl

A personal essay of a college freshman.
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Once upon a time, just as any other story begins, there lived an average girl who lived in an average town, lived an average life with an average name, average job, average family, and an average group of friends. At 18, I was living the average American dream of the average American teenager. It was the beginning of the summer and I was excited to start my freshman year of college but even more excited to start my new summer job. I was as happy as any other average girl.

However, it turns out that everything you just read was a complete lie.

One counseling trip after another. This was my third one this week, next week starts the two a week sessions then after that they’re going to wean me off of the counseling all together. I’m only 13 years old, why am I going through this? I don’t want anyone to care about me or force me to talk to someone that’s paid to care about my problems. I shouldn’t have problems. I’m too young. I don’t want to have depression. I don’t want to take medicine my whole life. I don’t want a lot of things that I have now, step parents, a new school, a new house, new friends. This is too much change. I just want to be average.

From the time I was born everyone always told me how special I am, how different I am. They always said that I’m going to “do great things” and “change the world”. I don’t see myself doing that. I see myself as average, just trying to get by, but my family and friends see me making a big difference. At 16 years old, I started a youth group in my town for the kids who didn’t have anything better to do and didn’t have any place better to go; so the kids like me. I gathered them all into the basement of a popular church in our town and we played games and watched movies and talked about God. The older people thought I was this excellent leader, saw that I was “changing” these kids, perhaps even making an impact on our community. Then I broke down.

I was always a girl with the perfect amount of friends. I had my best friends, my school friends, my sports friends, the people I just talked to sometimes, and a boyfriend. I was always surrounded by people that cared about me and I cared about them. I was always the listener for these many different types of friends. I had people tell me their problems about everything from people dying, to their dog running away. I heard it all. People always put their trust in me. For years of my life I was always the free therapist that everyone placed their problems onto and expected me not to have problems of my own. I became everyone’s best friend. Then I broke down.

I had this boyfriend and when you’re 15 years old, you think you’re going to spend the rest of your life with this boy. We were high school sweethearts, we were together until the end. People said we had the perfect relationship, we were the couple who was “going to make it”. We never fought, never called each other names, or even had a misunderstanding about anything. Our families loved us together and they would even joke about “when’s the wedding”. After high school, we got a puppy together and thought this was the perfect thing to do to start a little “family” ourselves. We were perfect, things were perfect. Then we broke down.

When you’re told that you’re perfect, it gives you a lot of pressure to live up to that. It’s the beginning of summer and I have nothing to live for. I’m average, or I like to think of myself that way. No one says great things about me anymore. No one talks about how I’m going to “do great things” or that I’m their “best friend” and certainly no one dares to speak about my “perfect” relationship. Since I have nothing better to do and no better place to be, I work 60 hours a week. My “friends” are now just the people I work with and I don’t see anyone else. I barely talk to them because there’s not much to talk about when you’re trapped in a hot pizza shop all day. There’s a lot to think about when you’re trapped there all day. Then, I broke down.

“What do you need?”

“Sanity.”

“I can’t give you that.”

“I know.” I feel guilty that I can say this to him. We’ve been together since high school and I’m still not giving him any insight to how I really feel. I’m not happy or sad. I’m not confused but I don’t understand either. I’m not angry. I’m not hurt. I don’t smile much, but I smile enough. I don’t look for conversation but I end up saying too much. Then I’m quiet when I shouldn’t be. I’m not a leader. I’m not a listener. I’m not the perfect girlfriend. I’m just average.

“I’m breaking down.”

“You’re the strongest person I know.”

College is really hard for me. I’m a nobody. People look over me, through me, and around me. I have less friends than I did at work which was even less than I had in high school. I lost everything. I’m away from my family and the people who’ve always held me so high. I’m not physically away from my boyfriend, but emotionally, we’re miles apart. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but today, those are just average things of the average college student. I find myself drifting off thinking about the way things were when I was going to “make a difference”. I try to picture myself helping people again, being a listener, being a friend. I became this stranger to everyone including myself. I blend in with the thousands of other students here. I’m too average.

Average : adjective : typical, common, or ordinary

Cover Image Credit: Zierra Treshock

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8 Reasons Why My Dad Is the Most Important Man In My Life

Forever my number one guy.
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Growing up, there's been one consistent man I can always count on, my father. In any aspect of my life, my dad has always been there, showing me unconditional love and respect every day. No matter what, I know that my dad will always be the most important man in my life for many reasons.

1. He has always been there.

Literally. From the day I was born until today, I have never not been able to count on my dad to be there for me, uplift me and be the best dad he can be.

2. He learned to adapt and suffer through girly trends to make me happy.

I'm sure when my dad was younger and pictured his future, he didn't think about the Barbie pretend pageants, dressing up as a princess, perfecting my pigtails and enduring other countless girly events. My dad never turned me down when I wanted to play a game, no matter what and was always willing to help me pick out cute outfits and do my hair before preschool.

3. He sends the cutest texts.

Random text messages since I have gotten my own cell phone have always come my way from my dad. Those randoms "I love you so much" and "I am so proud of you" never fail to make me smile, and I can always count on my dad for an adorable text message when I'm feeling down.

4. He taught me how to be brave.

When I needed to learn how to swim, he threw me in the pool. When I needed to learn how to ride a bike, he went alongside me and made sure I didn't fall too badly. When I needed to learn how to drive, he was there next to me, making sure I didn't crash.

5. He encourages me to best the best I can be.

My dad sees the best in me, no matter how much I fail. He's always there to support me and turn my failures into successes. He can sit on the phone with me for hours, talking future career stuff and listening to me lay out my future plans and goals. He wants the absolute best for me, and no is never an option, he is always willing to do whatever it takes to get me where I need to be.

6. He gets sentimental way too often, but it's cute.

Whether you're sitting down at the kitchen table, reminiscing about your childhood, or that one song comes on that your dad insists you will dance to together on your wedding day, your dad's emotions often come out in the cutest possible way, forever reminding you how loved you are.


7. He supports you, emotionally and financially.

Need to vent about a guy in your life that isn't treating you well? My dad is there. Need some extra cash to help fund spring break? He's there for that, too.

8. He shows me how I should be treated.

Yes, my dad treats me like a princess, and I don't expect every guy I meet to wait on me hand and foot, but I do expect respect, and that's exactly what my dad showed I deserve. From the way he loves, admires, and respects me, he shows me that there are guys out there who will one day come along and treat me like that. My dad always advises me to not put up with less than I deserve and assures me that the right guy will come along one day.

For these reasons and more, my dad will forever be my No. 1 man. I love you!

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CBD Oil: What Is It And What Are The Different Benefits?

CBD is a natural approach to traditional medicine, and it contains healing properties.

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The fascination with CBD has grown rapidly within the last year, and even within the last few months. This cannabis-like product has people interested because there are so many questions associated with it. People want to know if it's legal, if it's safe, or if it gets you high. To put it simply, CBD is known as cannabinoids, which possesses calm and tranquil properties. It does not have the psychoactive element, THC, that is normally found in marijuana. Instead, it is made from extracting CBD (cannabinoids) from the cannabis plant, and then turning it into CBD oil. It is now sold at places such as smoke shops and convenience stores. But what is so great about this anti-anxiety oil?

Most people who seek about CBD are doing so to help them relax or ease their pain. It is commonly seen in cancer treatments and for muscle recovery post-workout. It also helps with issues such as epilepsy, depression, acne, and anxiety. My dad, for example, uses a CBD lotion for his shoulder and back pain. He first heard about CBD oil through my aunt, who likes to put a few drops on her tongue daily. Ingesting it orally is, according to the smoke shop employee, beneficial for overall health. So if one is dealing with depression or anxiety, it's best to eat/drink CBD. For someone with pain in a specific spot, like my dad's shoulder pain, should look for a topical cream or something that is more direct. There are other ways to consume CBD besides tongue drops and lotion. On the market, there are different varieties of CBD gummies, such as gummy worms and sour patch. I've also seen it in oil cartridges or infused in water. In order to purchase CBD legally, you must be older than 18.

Last week my college had a venue where the School of Entrepreneurship students sold their products on campus. There were tents of all their student-run companies, and I enjoyed supporting local businesses. When I was there I bought an organic fudge brownie with 20mg of CBD (for only $5). I decided to workout and then take a bath, and eat the brownie right before the bath. It made my mental state feel very calm and it was relaxing after hitting the gym. I have also tried CBD gummy bears which taste pretty normal and those are also full-body calming effects. I am a fan of CBD and wish that is was less expensive and had easier access. It's great for college students who constantly feel the stress/pressure of their future. There are also a countless amount of celebrities who advocate for CBD. Some actors who heavily support the use of CBD are Seth Rogen, Morgan Freeman, and Tom Hanks.

Actor Seth Rogen started his own nonprofit, called Hilarity for Charity, that combats Alzheimer's. Rogen is large cannabis and CBD user, and he believes that CBD can help with Alzheimer's disease. He is an advocate for CBD law for medicinal purposes and believes that is can help with the symptoms. On Twitter, someone told Rogen that they had "restless leg" and he replied by saying "Try some CBD."

Another celebrity who has benefitted from CBD is none other than Morgan Freeman. After a 2008 car crash and developing intense fibromyalgia, Freeman decided to look into CBD treatment to help with his muscle pain. Now, he is an advocate for both cannabis and CBD because he has experienced the healing properties. Freeman believes in plant-based medicine because it is the more natural route.

Tom Hanks is one of the largest celebrities who has been an advocate for CBD. He developed type 2 diabetes over the years from stress and poor diet; Hank recently teamed up with a Cornell University student to study the medicinal properties of CBD for type 2 diabetes. He also enjoys it for the benefits of reducing anxiety and joint pain. Tom Hanks put it best when he said, "the benefits of CBD oil are unlike anything any pill or medication can do."

The following article has demonstrated all the different benefits that CBD oil has to offer. It is a more natural and holistic approach to traditional pharmaceutical medicine. I hope that in the next few years, cannabinoids become more popularized and the stigma behind cannabis medicine is dropped.

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