I had never in my life faced such bad anxiety until I moved into college. Although this is not the case for some people, it really does take a toll on you and your relationships with people close to you, including your significant other. Once not knowing how to handle all of the anxious feelings I was having about the transition, I sort of expected everything to just adapt around me. That was my first mistake.

I began subconsciously blaming my anxiety and thinking that I was in a fragile state and people, especially my boyfriend, needed to “be easy” with me. When I met him, I was this extremely social and sarcastic person. I went from having this insanely strong personality to the quiet college freshman who doesn’t really know her place. I can personally say that I have never felt such loneliness in my entire life. Every familiar face I used to see frequently ended up starting their own lives elsewhere, too. To cope with the unexpected isolation, I started piling problems on my boyfriend left and right. He could endure it for awhile, but the moment he decided to first speak up about me being WAY more emotional than I used to be, I couldn’t help but cry. You see, any time he brought up a problem, I immediately met him with “no, no, no, everything’s fine, everything’s perfect” and a pool of tears. I would yell and blame that the anxiety I’m feeling is awful and to learn to bear with it essentially. Now, this is how the majority of our problems were dealt with. I’m not kidding. I know, I wouldn’t want to be with me either. However, come my second semester of college, I had a revelation: I do not deserve this. He does not deserve this. Let me repeat, I do not deserve this. He does not deserve this. I’m not talking about the relationship, I’m talking about the anxiety. Sure, I have this foreign feeling pulling my emotions down sometimes. Yes, like many others reading this because they have anxiety also, I am a worrier. Honestly, I’d be lying to you if I said I knew how to control it. But this does not give me some “cop out” excuse to give my boyfriend about having to adapt. Who am I to tell him that he has to change and be better for me? Every day on Facebook or Twitter I stumble upon some sort of article about “How to Love Someone with Anxiety”. I understand, it is not something you can just turn off. But to basically write down endless “guides” to provide your boyfriend about how he needs to learn how to deal with you is actually quite selfish. I never realized how much I was hurting my relationship just by telling him it’s his fault he’s not helping. Yeah, they shouldn’t kick you when you’re down, but it shouldn’t be solely their job. Don’t you want to feel less anxiety/anxiety free in your lifetime? And like I said, I know that it isn’t anyone’s choice to feel their anxiety. But it is your choice to start working to better yourself. Your significant other shouldn’t be carrying you around, they should be motivating you.

I promise you, if you stick to the mindset of “I can’t change it, so deal with it”, they will leave. And in that instance, it’s too late to realize that it might be too much for them. By “it” I mean you, not your anxiety. Like all else in this world, if you let something unwanted define you, it most certainly will, but if you tell yourself that’s not who you want to be, there’s always a loophole out of it. If you’re one of those people still finding yourself telling your boyfriend/girlfriend “this is how you deal with it” (because don’t worry, I was there too, so don’t feel bad) it’s time to reconsider that maybe you are your problem, not your anxiety.