Dear Younger Self,
Looking back, I remember how you had such great and happy times, but I also remember how scared you were. You were scared of everything, from what people thought of you to any type of change. I know now that all the fears you had prevented you from doing so much. Maybe this was the start of your anxiety, who knows. I want you to know that you aren’t that scared anymore. Sure, life will throw some crazy things at you that will make you feel scared, but you get through it just fine.
I know you think this girl that your best friends with now will last forever, but your wrong. The friendship that you two share is very special, and you will treasure it forever, but it wasn’t meant to last. You two had some wonderful memories together, and they will be cherished forever. You will meet new best friends that will make you feel so loved and cherished.
Lots of change will happen, and you need to know that it happens for a reason. I’m not just talking about puberty. I’m talking about losing friends, losing loved ones, and drama. I know you hate drama (even to this day) and try to avoid it, but sadly its unavoidable. Those changes shape you into the woman you have become today and helped you realize that change is needed to grow as a person.
Don’t be so discouraged that guys were not really crushing on you in elementary or middle school, that is not important. Plus those boys had cooties! It’s more important how you treat other people and how YOU make THEM feel. Elementary and middle schoolers don’t understand love like adults do. Love is so much more than a boy thinking your pretty and giving you a piece of candy. Love is accepting and loving the other person for who they are, even with their flaws. Love should be treasured and held on to tightly. It’s nice to have crushes when you;re younger, but if you don’t it's nothing to worry about. Greater things come to those who wait.
I know you worry about your looks and not being pretty enough. Well, this little thing called puberty will help with that. Everyone worries about their looks (even people that you think are really attractive); its normal. Looks aren’t everything anyways. They are temporary. As you age, looks seem to become more important in society, but don’t let that affect you. During high school/college you will get what people refer to as a “glow-up.” A “glow-up” is a term used to say that you got attractive. I wish that you had realized that being attractive isn’t everything. One day you will finally love yourself and see yourself as beautiful (inside and out), and that is all that matters.
You worry so much about how you aren’t popular and all that, but really, it's not important. It may seem important in middle and high school, but it doesn’t matter. There is nothing wrong with being “unpopular,” because popularity doesn’t matter in life. Even some celebrities such as Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez were not very popular in high school. Look at them now! They are doing what they love, and that is all that matters.
Two words: let go. That is such an important thing to learn and understand. You have to let go of so much in you life, and this is for your benefit. You have let go of people, your old house, bad memories, and so much more. I’m not saying letting go is easy, but its something everyone eventually has to do. The hardest thing for you to let go of (and still are trying to) is fear, any and all fears. It’s going to be hard, but it is so worth it in the end. Have faith in yourself and be strong.
The last thing I want to mention is your struggle with anxiety. There is this stigma attached with anxiety about how people just think that when someone says they have anxiety, they just stress a lot. They are wrong. As you grow, you will realize that you are stronger than your anxiety and whatever life has to throw at you, you can take it. You have amazing friends and family that will help you when you feel defeated. You didn’t just wake up and realize this, and I want to warn you that you will have a rough year with your anxiety, which will include getting on medicine and feeling absolutely lunatic. After this rough patch, you will learn so much about yourself and find better options to cope with your stress and daily worries. You have grown up and learned so much, even though you are only 20. You will never stop learning and never stop growing, please stay strong and have faith in yourself and God.
Sincerely,
Older Self
