I used to think the phrase, "you have to love yourself first in order for anyone else to love you" was complete and utter bullshit. Granted, I was also in middle school, but hey, I'm still only 19. WTF do I know about love, right? Trust me, I know I still have plenty to learn!
Anyways, I thought this was wrong. I thought that it was perfectly fine for me to be 100% unhappy with myself in almost every possible aspect. I was disgusted with how I looked, sad that I didn't fit in anywhere and worried that I wasn't succeeding. Let's be real, those are typical thoughts that many people have on a daily basis, (especially middle school girls who are trying to find their "place" in a world of lockers and hormones.) Many people claim they hate themselves. Many people are just downright sad. Many people are situationally depressed. This vortex of inexplicable agony that thousands of people face is the number one killer of relationships.
I'm not saying that it's wrong to be sad, but I am saying that it is wrong to be sad, do nothing about it, and expect a loving relationship to work out. It won't. If you hate yourself and you truly don't feel like you are worth anything, why do you think that anyone else should? Here are some reasons why a relationship built over self-hatred doesn't work out:
1) You want to give love, but you don't have enough of it in the first place.
Even if you feel like you are in the relationship to give, you are receiving way more than you are giving back; this is true even if it doesn't feel like it. If you are lacking confidence, your partner will eventually be able to notice your insecurities which will lead your relationship in a direction of him or her constantly needing to reassure you. "Love yourself first, then you will have more love for others."
2) You're sad, and your partner will want nothing more than to make you happy, but eventually he or she may become used to it.
For a while, they might put you and your feelings above all else; however, If there isn't an answer to your agony, or you don't want to be fixed, they might stop trying. This isn't to say that they don't care about your well-being, but if one doesn't know how to fix a situation, he or she will only try to understand for so long.
3) Your partner will lose their sense of self and their sense of happiness.
People feed off of one another's energy in a relationship. "Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence." If you truly want to make someone else happy, you will put their needs before yours. This might even mean letting them go. "Surround yourself with people that reflect who you want to be and how you want to feel. Energies are contagious."
4) You will not have trust in your relationship.
You won't believe your partner's compliments, and eventually, they will stop trying to convince you that they are true. Your lack of self-confidence will eventually lead you to question their actions and over-think every possible aspect of your life altogether.
5) If your relationship ends, which it more than likely will, you will fall harder than ever.
Situational depression often leads to situational happiness. If all of your happiness and good days are based on that one person, you are destined to be sad whenever you are alone. Fall in love with yourself first! "Never put the key to your happiness in somebody else's pocket."
I'm definitely no love guru; however, over the years I have figured out who I am, what I want out of life, and how I can make it happen. The number one thing that I have realized is that in order for me to fulfill my deepest desires, I must first love myself. Once I have mastered this, then I will truly, powerfully, and beautifully, be able to help others. I know, I'm a cheeseball! (I hate cheese, not sure why I said that...Sorry, I'm weird.) "There's a reason why they tell you on airplanes to put on your oxygen mask on before assisting others! What good will you do for anyone if you can't f***ing breathe and you die?!" I can't remember who said that to me, but I mean c'mon, it's true! Imagine how much you will have to give someone else once you have given yourself everything that you deserve! To love and to be loved, people! That is what life is all about. If you made it through this article I looove you!
Have a happy Valentine's Day, and don't forget to love yourself first 😉 xox
"Fall in love with taking care of yourself. Mind. Body. Spirit ."